It’s not easy being a houseplant

[Poppygail]

If you know someone with dementia, you may have wondered why they sometimes wander around the house. Why they seem so restless. Why they’re always getting into situations they have no business being involved in. Why can’t they just stay in one place and lessen the problems they seem to cause for themselves and their caregivers. Well, I’ll tell ya, at least from personal experience, for the caregiver and the patient, it’s not easy being a houseplant.

Houseplant. That’s what Jeff and I call ourselves when we get deep enough into a fog that it’s actually not safe for those around us or us personally to be up and about without assistance. You would think that during times such as this it would be easy, even preferable, to stay seated, snug in a place of comfort and security. I know I had that thought on occasion. And you, as was I, would be wrong. For us at least, the ability to remain content in a calm, safe place is much like the girl in the movie, GONE.

I wouldn’t exactly call what I’m feeling as anxiety but it's downright close. I’m antsy, I need to get up and move, I need to have my hands into something. I feel a strong need to be doing something, to be “useful”. I suppose it’s related to my drive to finish school as quickly as possible and go to work, my working as much as 65-70 hours/week to get my practice up and going, my habit of working in my wood shop for 6, 8, 10 hours/day after I was forced to retire from dentistry due to health concerns. Even though I had always been laid back and ready for a nap at a moments notice, I tended to always be doing something, to have several little jobs going at the same time, feeling naked if I didn’t have something in my hands to manipulate.

You are being told that you should remain in one spot for your own safety, all the while having your understanding of the world around swirling through your brain, as though all the events effecting your life had been thrown into a blender and stirred beyond all recognition. It’s an impossibility. I can feel my muscles twitching to move, my mind is finding all sorts of contrived things that need to be attended to, chores that need to be completed. And, before I know it, I’m up and aimlessly wondering through the house, finding something to get into, another mess to make.

Were this a sporadic occurrence, it wouldn’t be such a big deal. But no, the antsyness (is that a word?) can’t be confined to regular daylight hours. It occurs again and again throughout the day and night, no rhyme or reason as to its cause or when it will occur. And it’s enough to drive a caregiver over the edge. They are already exhausted from taking up the slack we have let slip, making sure we’re taking our meds as we should, that we maintain a somewhat healthy diet, that we get adequate exercise, etc, etc, etc... They also have picked up almost the entire responsibility for the home, for the finances, for coordinating any social interactions. They do it all, and almost entirely without complaint. They are exhausted. Now add some nut wondering around the house at all hours of the day and night, getting into everything they shouldn’t be, inadvertently causing messes when they think they’re completing an important task. Now, the caregivers sleep and any chance of rest are constantly interrupted.

So no, it’s not a easy to be a houseplant.

I hope the rest of your weekend is outstanding.

Randy

[jeffcobb Ambassador]

Randy, knowing some of your past and now learning more, I think an interesting profile might be to somehow look at dementia patients that were life-long Type-A personalities. I too have been called that, which is why I recognize the pattern. And if there is any personality type driven to not only get things done but them done right and right now is best of all. Many people size up the energy and focus a particular job or task needs by the gravity of the task itself. We on the other hand are *driven* to fix, *driven* to solve, *driven* to save the day. Every day. Of course our aspirations are sometimes nonsensical; that matters not because the task isn't the driver of the situation, *we* are.

We are drivers. Drivers that feel the urge and almost primeval need to travel, to do, to accomplish. Sadly our minds, our figurative "vehicles for getting there" are plagued with flat tires and shot crank-cases and stripped gears.

Yet we keep pushing on that damnable gas pedal in a feverish and perhaps foolish desire to travel one more time.

Realizing (to our core), accepting and perhaps even making peace with our limitations may be the biggest battle any of us have left to win. I didn't say "fight" because win or lose I don't know that any of us have a choice to fight or not.

Not to ruin the moment but the Avengers: Endgame Bluray torrent is out and about.