Suggestions please.

[Siouxrt]

My Father is no longer capable of taking his own medicines responsibly. He easily becomes irate at the slightest hint that he is not himself and refuses any help with daily tasks. He refuses to believe he has dementia, which is not uncommon, I understand. Mom wants me to give him his medicine at the prescribed times each day. This is no problem for me but I am looking for suggestions on how to get him to accept the change. He relies totally on routine and frequently forgets his daily routine.

Thanks,

Susan

[Chuck08]

I hear you, Susan. My wife was diagnosed with dementia approx 15 years ago. She recognizes that she has mental issues, but still resists my attempts at getting her to take her meds, eat sensibly and let me bathe her. She has intermittent episodes when she is really nasty with me saying things like "I don't want to be with you anymore" and "get out of my life, I don't want your help", etc. We've been married nearly 60 years which have been mostly a loving great relationship. It really hurts when she says things like that and she denies saying such things. It is truly a challange and has completely changed our life. I have no one in the family who truly understands even though they say "I know dad, I know". They don't even want to discuss mom's problems. Sorry to rant on about my problems, I guess I didn't hand out much in the way of advice. Probably because I really don't have any, except that you have to take a break once in a while. I have to pay a homecare service to babysit so I can take a break. It's pricy but they are reliable and have good caring people. Good luck Susan, I know how difficult it is.

[Siouxrt in reply to Chuck08]

I hear ya! He has always been anti social. That part is not the disease. He would absolutely refuse a stranger to come in. Mom is physically not well but such a trooper. She will allow assistance as long as things are done exactly the way she likes them. I have not had a break in two years and am starting to feel it.

First I will get past this medicine situation and then work on some kind of respite care.

[Chuck08 in reply to Siouxrt]

You absolutely have to take a break once in a while. It does no good to anybody if a caregiver gets sick and is unable to carry on. Fortunately, I've found a reliable service with great caring people (HomeInstead). They allow me to take a break occasionally. Good luck

[Hidden]

Hi Susan. I'm so sorry you and your dad are going through this. I care for my father who has dementia. He takes his meds at meal time. For years my mother had always distributed them to his daily pill case and then he took them independently. When he was diagnosed and started to forget his meds, I put the dosage in a little 1 oz disposable cup and placed it on the table next to his plate without much fanfare. "Here's your breakfast and your meds." Since it was right there he'd usually see it and take it. If he didn't take it we gave him a very gentle reminder. "Did you take your meds?" But I would not say something like "you forgot your meds this morning" as he will perceive that as you telling him he's not himself. (Remember that YOUR tone means EVERYTHING). We did this until he progressed to the point where I actually have to now crush and feed the meds to him. Some have been changed to liquids. Even though we're done this for months I always tell him what each liquid is. Sometimes, several times a week, he asks why he's taking it and I always explain what the meds are for and who prescribed them because he no longer understands. Just remember patience and tone...patience and tone. It just comes with the territory.

In the beginning my dad joked about the diagnosis and we joked about it right along with him. But as it progressed he forgot that was the cause of his problems and we never brought it up again. I think what is key is to just quietly and casually do what needs to be done. For example, my father began leaving his clothes in the bathroom after his shower, I just picked them up...I saw no point in telling him he forgot. I hope this helps.

[Siouxrt in reply to Hidden]

Thanks.

[Chuck08 in reply to Hidden]

Wow. Almost a carbon copy of my situation with my wife of nearly 60 years. I too had to resort to putting a.m. and p.m. pills in little paper cups due to her consistently forgetting to take them. She no longer eats at the table and I place her pill cup on her plate when I give meals. Often times that doesn't even work and when I remind her she becomes annoyed saying something like, I'll take them don't worry about. Invariably, when I pick her plate up the pill cup still has her meds. I show her the cup and she says, oh for crying outloud, and eventually takes them. Wheen I say something like, these pills are keeping your alive, she says, yeah right. I could go on and on. I use to get irritated, but again like you, I've resigned myself that this is just the way it is and I just have to deal with it. Good Luck

[Hidden in reply to Chuck08]

Yes, we are in much the same boat. My dad no longer eats at the table either and until recently, I had to actually give him the medicine cup and tell him to take them much like he nurse does in the hospital. Now, I have to crush them and give him liquid meds and more recently he is beginning to outright refuse them. I continue to encourage him to take them at each dosage time and now I'm running about 50% that he will take them. But, I'm also noticing that he is beginning to refuse his meals from time to time. I can't force him, only encourage him. At this point, half the time time he has no clue who I am, and there are times now where I don't even get a response from him, so I'm not surprised that he won't take his meals or meds. Unfortunately, this too is part of the process of this horrible disease.