Feeling so sad....

[Krofcheck1021]

I haven't posted in a while...I waited to get an appointment for my husband and now he can't be seen until April with the Neurologist who specializes in cognitive issues and early onset Alzheimer's. The last few days have been so trying and I'm so sad. My loving husband of 38 years (since age 20) always kind hearted and patient is short fused, and saying such biting comments to me and he just doesn't see it. His level of frustration is at the max with everything. He can't figure something out in his phone, this stupid phone, I'm going to throw it out the window he screams. The dvr I hate this thing I give up I'm going to rip it out of the wall! That is not at all what you told me he screams ! Or, that was a smart move, way to go, sarcastically. Last night, because I took something into the garage instead of waiting until later he said in a mean tone you are crazy you know! When I told him his words were hurtful, he said after throwing a container and fork onto the counter in anger, fine, I won't come home after work tomorrow if I'm so hard to live with. No one else thinks Im so mean. I said yes, but you don't say those things to them. He said well if you loved me you wouldn't snore at night!! I'm sleepingo on the couch. He got up this morning , went to work and never said goodnight or goodbye. I am at a loss how to deal with this! It is hurtful and scary. Things he knew how to do he is forgetting and his driving is becoming scary too.

[jaykay777]

I'm sorry you are the target of his rage. I'm also concerned that his driving is becoming scary. You should start finding out what measures you can take when it becomes more evident that he should not drive. I'm wondering what kind of work he does and whether you have plans in place for when he cannot continue to work.

[Krofcheck1021 in reply to jaykay777]

He is welder been doing this for 30 years. We are in no shape financially yet for retirement.

[Katiebethpdxsea]

So sorry to hear. Do you have anyone to talk to in person? Someone (psycologist, or pastor, or family member) you could have ongoing conversations with on a regular basis?

In my situation as being the one with cognitive problems. I know how terrified I am at times. I also have a very short fuse. Example: two days ago my son was driving me to the grocery store. He had some money come in and wanted to buy groceries too. He lives with me and is my caretaker (sort of). I said something to him about spending cautiously. He was hurt and told me so. I got very angry and told him to pull over and let me out so I could walk to the store and not have to be in the car with him. Lucky for me he didn't drop me off. But I pouted the rest of the day.

There is little rhym or reason to it, it just is one of the hallmarks of these cognitive probs.maybe it's because were afraid of what is happening to us. Knowbody really has enough info, treatments, meds, to help us.

You need to find someone YOU can confide in. This is reallyscary difficult stuf.

Take care of yourself ♡

[Krofcheck1021 in reply to Katiebethpdxsea]

That's sounds just like it. Do you ever say your sorry or don't you see it. Is this abnormal from your regular behavior and how you used to be? What is the best way for us to respond? It's so insightful hearing from your end. Do you admit it's fear because my husband won't? He acts like nothing ever happened. I left for 4 days in August because of issues first time ever and a month later he didn't remember I left he said that never happened.

[Katiebethpdxsea]

I have admitted (at times) and talked about my short temper to my son...mostly though we seen to let it slide and not address it.

For me, my ego gets all riled up, and there is such a sense of loss of control. The big fear for me is that I am faced with not really realizing how different I am becomming, and when my son shows me that I am being unreasonable I become embarrased and feel shame. When it's your husband or wife I can only imagine the dynamic is much more intense.

This lack of restraint on my part is a 180 degree difference from how i used to be and because my dynamic is parent child, it's likely not as intensely hurtful as your scenario is.

the not remembering is terribly frustrating for me, and likely for your hubby too. It's as if a fog rolls in or that there's a blank spot where the memory should be. I get angry at myself.

I don't want to be a burdon to my loved ones, nobody does. It's a very tricky fine line to balance on from both sides (caregiver and sick person)...like we are standing on opposite sides of a two way mirror where the signals and images from both sides are twisted and knotted together.

Hope that helps.

I won't remember and it's not an. Intentional slight because I don't think you or what you thought I should remember isnt important. I just dont remember. ♡

[Lori56]

He might be trying to push you away from what you describe prior to disease he was a great guy He wants to be the same person He scared you might not feel the same about him because he changing All this with not be able to put it in to words Maybe when he gets like that you could reassure him that you love him and will always be there for him

[Krofcheck1021 in reply to Lori56]

He won't even admit he has a problem. He said everyone forgets things that he is almost 60. He said his mean words are said as jokes and then he just sleeps in the couch and ignores me. He asked me last night to tell him what he was saying that bothered me and said I'm just too sensitive I got upset and I cried and he just stayed on the couch and stared at me never even held my hand or hugged me nothing. I went to bed and this morning he said goodbye like nothing happened. I just think I need to go away a few days in a emotional wreck.

[Lori56]

So very sorry from the bottom of my heart for what your going through Its the disease not him If you can't get a early Nero appointment maybe your family dr would be able to help or help you to get early appt If you need a few days to take a break you should He would not treat you this way if didn't have something wrong with his brain Try to read up on dementia Its very hard for the family Again my heart goes out to you and I will pray for you and your husband