I lose an inch of her every time she goes to sleep

[Kena-Marie]

Ok so I just cried third time randomly today. I'm reading all the facts so basically there saying my Mom is dying! might as well theysay that, she is rapidly becoming a shell of herself. Every time she goes to sleep I feel like I lose another inch of her. She is only 57 were both too young to be going through this. I feel so much pressure and sadness.

[Whirlygirl63]

Kena-Marie

I'm so sorry to hear about your Mom and I know first hand how distressing and helpless this can make you feel. The ground feels like a beach where the ground washes out from underneath you with each wave of sleep.

The best way to help your Mom is to help yourself first. I'll share the advice I got from another caregiver 3 years ago when I started this journey with my husband. He reminded me that when you fly and they get to the part about oxygen masks dropping. They tell you to put your mask on first and then help the person you are traveling with who needs help.

Go to your own PCP and let them know what is happening and assess yourself and have them assess you for depression. They can refer you to services that can help you like counseling and perhaps medication that can help you get your emotions to a place where you can start making plans for what is next for you and your Mom.

I wish I'd taken this advice 1 year earlier than I did. It would have helped me anticipate some of the changes I needed to make and also help my lack of sleep which ultimately damaged my own health.

Here is what I know for certain, your Mom is still in there, no matter how much you or physicians feel has been lost. Take care of yourself so you can connect with the part that is still there.

Susan M

[Kena-Marie in reply to Whirlygirl63]

Susan,

wow🙁 I was restless and felt so alone, your words really clicked in my brain and heart. I never thought of me needing help or suffering in anyway. I just get things done and smile. I started working out again Its my me time and it's helping my mood and clarity.

But maybe I should talk to my DR. I'm really against pills and because I'm a mental health counselor as work. I feel I know the drill & can even anticipate what a psychologist is gonna say to me. I will however take your advice, I go to 4-5 appt. for her in a week sometimes. Why Not schedule one for me.

Thank you,

Kena-Marie🤗

[Lori56]

You never really lose your Mom all her love caring for you her wisdom They will always be inside of you Listen to the song My daughters eyes The pieces are being past down to you She has help me with your post I thought of my own daughter because your post sounds a lot like what she would say and I will tell her what I'm telling you My prays are with you and your family

[jeffcobb Ambassador]

Imagine what its like for her? I am also 57 and going through this as well. Maybe not an inch a night but its happening fast enough for me. Still, these words don't make anything better...but its hard to find anything positive, though I still try. There is some truth to the shell bit, actually alot but like anything living in a shell, she is still inside there, alive. I think thats a misconception some have about dementia; the patient has "checked out" of reality....when the reality (from this patients perspective) is that I am still who I was, you (family, etc) are who you are, its just that the worlds we mutually inhabit intersect a little less each day. Sometimes I try to equate this like you (the patient) are in a small boat, tied to the shore by a rope. Your family, friends, doctors, they are all on shore and at first you and they can speak and interact, what you see on the shore doesn't seem any stranger to you than the boat you are sitting in. However as time goes by and the MCI/dementia gets worse, its like that boat is slowly drifting farther from shore, the faces and voices becoming a little less distinct each day. Soon you realize how little you can actually perceive on the shoreline and its at that point you tend to become your own council, since no one but you really "speaks your language" anymore. But you are still in there, shell or no. This is something that is so important I make sure my caregiver knows this like it was tattooed on her butt. Yes, I fear reaching house-plant status. However as long as someone knows I am still in here. I have the best chance of getting the most of what I have left.

I wish I had more/better pearls of wisdom for you but I am figuring this out as I go too....