Husband's heart issues

[Bagrat]

My husband has a long history of heart issues, angioplasty and stents 2005 after 2nd MI (we have no idea when the first was as no symptoms), Permanent AF 2012. Aortic incompetence/ stenosis for years, sleep apnoea.Sep 23 cardiologist felt intervention for aortic valve necessary but needed angiogram before referral to surgical team. He has a degree of cognitive impairment and was referred to memory clinic last Sept by lovely neurologist. Somehow he slipped the net and having been told waiting time 8 months, I chased it last month and he has been referred by GP Aug 31st 24, should be seen December

Fast forward to Sep 24. when he saw cardiothoracic surgeon yesterday.

He has been offered double or triple bypass (one artery may be too small,) a new valve and atrial appendage clip.

Surgeon said in his situation 3-4% mortality plus possibility of stroke, bleeding, delirium ( common after by pass machine evidently) and possible pacemaker. Waiting list about 3 months AFTER chest CT and echo, his last was nearly 18 months ago(!) due to waiting time for angio. I was expecting this would be the case but now it is a reality, it's a bit scary to say the least ( I'm a retired nurse, we are both 80).

Not sure if there's a question in here somewhere, but quite therapeutic just writing it down. Realise I should double this up on BHF group really, but this is home territory.

Am hoping the amount of adrenalin circulating improves blood supply to my arthritic knees, instead of kicking off my AF!!

If you've got this far, thank you

Wendy

[jeanjeannie50]

I hope all goes well for your husband Wendy and that he gets his appointment for his heart operation without too much waiting.

Best wishes for a successful outcome.

Jean

[Bagrat in reply to jeanjeannie50]

Thanks Jean, I'm busy overthinking at present!!

[Tapanac in reply to Bagrat]

Only natural overthinking as you must be very worried and when we love someone we want them well and happy

I hope all does go well and remember consultants do have to tell you everything these days

All the best….Pat

[dedeottie]

so sorry to hear about all your husbands problems. My husband has been diagnosed with early stage Alzheimer’s at 70. This after a very long road to diagnosis but now confirmed with PET scan. This is why I have been quiet on here…. too much else to think about! Anyway, that is enough of a burden to carry without all the other worries you have with your poor husband so my heart goes out to you. My son is always telling me not to over think things but oh dear me, I’m afraid that I’m a born over thinker 😂

I do hope you get through all the appointments as quickly as possible.

Take care of yourself x

[Bagrat in reply to dedeottie]

Thank you, and so sorry things have been confirmed for your husband. Although sometimes it does help to know what you're up against. I first noticed odd things that concerned me over 8 yrs ago but of course as an intelligent man, he passed the standard memory tests at GPs with flying colours and still can. He can't remember things we have done together over the years ,just odd snippets. He gets grumpy when I say do you remember, but does remember some things!! Also very slow to grasp information or instructions but still seems ok in company superficially at least.

Look after yourself, so tough for you. Wendy

[Auriculaire in reply to Bagrat]

I think women tend to be better normally at remembering stuff like what we have done together over the years. My husband's memory for these things is much worse than mine but he can still remember details of tax cases he dealt with 30+ years ago when he was working . Hope your husband gets all his tests quickly and the op goes well. My step father had a triple bypass when he was 77. He did have to have a pacemaker afterwards but recovered well and went on to beat bowel cancer in his 80s and lived another 9 years.

[Bagrat in reply to Auriculaire]

Thank you, that's good to hear!

[Tapanac in reply to Bagrat]

Oh exactly as my husband. I try not to say I’ve just told you that but it’s hard isn’t it snd as for not grasping things especially after living and loving your intelligent rock for so many years very difficult not to get impatient

[CDreamer]

It is hard work Wendy, my husband is in very similar position with trying to be seen by Memory Clinic (been on their list for 8 months and only a letter saying sorry, it’s going to take a while but no date given) and in the meantime my BP is rising as Hubble (90) is needing more and more support as he declines week on week, it’s heartbreaking. I have never, ever had a hint of it hypertension until last few weeks and I can’t take anything to control it 🤷 The good news is that letter from our visit to cardiologist for review arrived a few days ago confirming that nothing has got worse and AF burden is around 2-5%, EF stable, echocardiogram - no change from 12 months ago so continue on all the meds as they seem to be working for him but we are now noticing difficulties with walking and reluctance to exercise which he has always done every day. For me the biggest issue is memory as function seems to decline very quickly which confirms to me that quality of life is far more important +75 than prolonging life.

In your husband’s situation you also have to balance the gains of improving the CVD and therefore the memory issues against the affects of the GA and the risks of the op itself. Did you discuss this?

[Bagrat in reply to CDreamer]

Pleased heart issues seem stable for your husband. I agree re quality of life and we both have DNARs which I was told by cardiologist wouldbe suspended while in hospital.Husband keen to get things "fixed". He's ex RAF and like engineers as a blanket comment, don't do illness!

He understands there is a risk he won't survive the op, also advised not to have GA for another issue until bypass done. I asked re the effect of long GA with AF and how it would affect his cognitive impairment. The surgeon said, it might mean confusion after use of bypass machine lasts longer. I hope the improvement in circulation to brain may slow deterioration but alas who knows.

A friend of mine's husband has never fully recovered from bypass op so I am under no illusion about likelihood of complications.

The other option is to live with a ticking time bomb I guess.

[dedeottie in reply to CDreamer]

Sorry CDreamer, and Bagrat. I know what a heartbreaking journey this is. My husband (Ex head teacher and also high baseline intelligence) has known something was wrong with memory and thinking for the last 6 years . Memory clinic tests first showed nothing wrong then some decline but nothing to worry about they said. This led to a few very rocky years in our 45 year old marriage as he was frustrated and liked to blame me for his problems in the absence of acknowledgement that something was indeed wrong. Then tests in z January and pet scan confirmed our fears. Diagnosis has led to a degree of acceptance on his part so things are emotionally happier but I am very fearful of what the future holds for us. Early days so I expect I will come to a level of acceptance. My AF is just about under control so at least not had to make any decisions re amiodorone or AV node ablation but BP has increased like yours dreamer, luckily from a low baseline.

Bag rat and Dreamer, I keep my fingers crossed for quick appointments . Sorry to have hi jacked your post somewhat Bagrat…. the floodgates opened a bit I’m afraid. X

[Bagrat in reply to dedeottie]

Please don't apologise. It is just heart breaking. My husband said the other day ",I wouldn't wish this on anybody"When we talked about surgery he said "I thought we'd just get on with it" and I do wonder deep down if the risk is maybe part of what has swayed his decision?? But he will only have thought in black and white not a more debilitating future?

It is so awful to see the man you admire struggling and there is some solace in hearing the struggles of others.

I did say although undiagnosed, I suspected vascular dementia because of the state of his arteries and family history, surgeon just appeared to agree.

The neurologist we saw last year about an unrelated issue said high functioning individuals may lose up to 30 -40% of brain function without it being easily apparent.

as they find work arounds.

[dedeottie in reply to Bagrat]

What your neurologist said would fit with our experience certainly. Yes, heartbreaking Bagrat. X

[bantam12]

I would think long and hard about the possible post op problems before agreeing to going ahead.

I in no way want to put you off but my husband had a similar op and despite the op itself going well everything went horribly wrong afterwards, he was just not strong enough to deal with the overwhelming post op issues, he was only 69 but never fully woke up and died a month later still in ITU.

We had good reason to make a complaint about his care and the hospital did admit the possible complications should have been better explained and taken more seriously by staff.

[Bagrat in reply to bantam12]

I am so sorry you had such a sad and distressing time. In a previous life as a specialist nurse, I often said "Just because it can be done doesn't mean it should be done"

[bantam12 in reply to Bagrat]

Very true, my husband did have a few health issues yet the number and severity of complications that hit him took the Drs by surprise, this was a leading cardiac hospital but things were handled badly. In hindsight he shouldn’t have been offered the surgery.

[Cavalierrubie]

This is hard going for you Wendy and a very difficult decision. It seems to be coming at your husband from all directions. Personally, l would feel the need to discuss this much further and longer until l was absolutely clear the direction to go. You know your husband better than the doctor, so huge responsibility. I send love and prayers that you will get more clarification, reassurance and help in making your decision.

[Bagrat in reply to Cavalierrubie]

As things are, the decision is his. In spite of the catalogue of ailments he is fairly well. I think we'll have to see how the chest CT and echo pan out. I would like to discuss with GP but she is very wishy washy and probably won't give any clarity.

[Buffafly]

Hi, that is scary and difficult for you to ‘look on’. Another personal story I’m afraid but when my husband was eventually diagnosed with advanced cancer we were gently pushed in the direction of palliative care only which we accepted as he also had two abdominal aortic aneurysms which were inoperable and could have killed him any time, not to mention quite bad cognitive impairment. My daughter was quite angry about it because she felt the hospital was acting in their interests rather than his. When it came to it it turned out that he hadn’t taken in that he would only have a short time to live, didn’t want to die yet, and a surgeon agreed to operate. He wasn’t expected to live when he came back from theatre but his strong constitution and will got him through and he made an amazing recovery. In his case it didn’t end happily but cancer is a different ballgame from heart disease. I did wish though that we’d pushed for the operation to begin with as none of the dire predictions happened.

If your husband is determined to have the engine repaired I wish you both all the luck in the world ❤️‍🩹

[Bagrat in reply to Buffafly]

I was a nurse specialist in palliative care for 20 yrs and it can colour my perception. For a man who was terrified of surgery in 2005 when he got off with stents, after another chat today, he will be going for it unless something happens before of course. Thank you for telling us of your sad journey.

[Frances123]

Oh Wendy, I am so sorry you and your husband are having to go through all this, and having to make such serious decisions. Yes, it is scary. I am glad writing it down has helped to ease things a little.

I do hope everything goes well and will be thinking of you both. x

[Ppiman]

Overthinking is my weakness, well one of many. Let's hope for the best. Your hubby seems to be having good care.

Steve

[IanMK]

As a husband 5 months shy of 70, it saddens me to say that I’ve been saying “I don’t remember that” to my wife for decades. Our offspring are 33 and 36 and although we did all the usual things like taking them to various clubs in their pre-teen years and going on several foreign holidays, I have almost no detailed recollections and have to rely on photos and videos.

[JaneFinn]

I’m so sorry to hear this, Wendy, and I feel for you so much. No wisdom to give, but a whole heap of sympathy and support as you travel through these impossible decisions and emotions ❤️

Feeling too for you others on here who have shared what you’re facing - CDreamer, Dedeottie- and also those of you who have shared something of your journey and loss ❤️

Sometimes (like now) it feels so wrong pressing the ‘like’ button after someone’s post, when it’s far from a ‘like’ - I hate what you’re going through! But I’m expressing love and solidarity with the heart icon. I’m sure we all do that sometimes.

Sending love and a hug- do let us know how things go xx

[Bagrat in reply to JaneFinn]

Such compassionate words. Thank you

[Snowgirl65]

A lot of technical medical terms make our heads spin. Take one thing at a time, as some of those aren't quite as scary as they seem -- hoping that's the case with your husband and all goes well.

[frazeej]

I would think long and hard over open heart surgery. Even under the most ideal circumstances, the recovery is long and hard.

JimF

[Bagrat in reply to frazeej]

Indeed, but the decision is my husband's, and the alternative does not appeal either!

[Leaney]

My husband felt much better when, before his triple bypass, his surgeon greeted him with "Hello from one plumber to another"!

[Bagrat in reply to Leaney]

Love it!!

[kocoach]

Turn it all over to "GOD" and believe in a Positive outcome.

[Tommyann]

Hope everything goes well for your husband it’s only natural to overthink,it’s a stressful time for you both x