More bad news

[Grigbey56]

I just wish I could banish the fear of dying once and for all as it would probably cure my overall anxiety as well. I have been in hell since March being 56, morbidly obese for years with the fear of catching Coronavirus, and having found out four weeks ago I have heart failure and afib, I am utterly convinced I won't see the year out. I d just like to start drinking heavily again and forget all of it as my life is so grim at the moment.

[meadfoot]

All is not lost, please don’t give in there is support out there, have you contacted any professional for support like your GP if you are in the UK. Try the Samaritans if you are feeling so low, they will talk to you and find help.

These are difficult times for everyone given the isolation we experience during covid restrictions on top of health issues, you are not alone in this, there is always someone to help and support. It sounds as though you really need someone to talk too rather than just on line support. Please reach out, things can and will improve if you do. Stay safe.

[Grigbey56 in reply to meadfoot]

I so wish I could talk to someone face to face, I am so afraid especially after last night, had a bad atrial fibrillation attack brought on by anxiety and /or eating pizza earlier, scared that each time it happens bad like that it will finish my heart off. I am so fed up with it all.

[meadfoot in reply to Grigbey56]

I understand how you feel, my cardiac app due next week has been cancelled and is now a phone call which is a poor substitute but better than nothing. If you are suffering both physically and emotionally surely your GP will help you. Have you asked them to see you. If you feel really poorly with af that bad you are very scared then shouldn’t you be calling an ambulance do you think, Hope your af settles, pizza may not have helped.

[Grigbey56 in reply to meadfoot]

GP has been rubbish really overall, phone calls only, all part of the problem.

[Paulbounce]

Hi Grigbey.

I'm really sorry to hear you are still feeling down.

I think we all are to some extent due to the current situation. However drinking heavily won't 'make things go away'.

Ref Flapjacks post to you. I feel you really need to speak to someone about the current way you feel. There is help available - take advantage of it.

I assume you have seen a cardio about your afib and heart problems ? The med's you will have been given will really help with controling both. Of course you'll see the year through.

Regarding covid - follow government reg's and the chances are small that you'll be affected.

I hope all goes well for you - I'm sure it will.

Look after yourself and know better days will come.

Best,

Paul

[Hammerhead56 in reply to Paulbounce]

Not seen a cardio yet, think I have been referred though. I really need to combat my anxiety, its destroying me and scares me rigid having both. I have just had an attack , had eaten pizza about 4 hours ago, don't know if that caused it or just the anxiety I've had almost all day, or the wind I've probably been gulping and swallowing all evening. BTW sorry about the different username, I couldn't log in with my details for some reason, I am Grigbey56.

[Sfhmgusa]

Dear Grigbey

I think you have a real strength that you can use here, The fear of dying means that you really don't want to, so you don't want o drink yourself to oblivion, you will want to listen to help and advice, and I think you can use those things to move forwards.

I agree that Samaritans or similar are much better than Uncle alcohol in tough times, but don't be too hard on yourself, set yourself gentle goals for weight and activity improvements give them long horizons so say to yourself "By the time I am 60 I will have...."

Medicine, good nutrition and a will to win I am sure will keep you with us for a long time yet

Take care we are all rooting for you

Steve

[Coco51]

Grigsby you are not alone. I have battled with crippling anxiety myself. I finally joined a charity called Anxiety Uk and got in touch.

They have a great website and helpline and if you go to the section "get help" and then "access therapy" you will be put in touch with a list of their approved qualified psychotherapists. I selected 4 not far from my home and one got back to me within a couple of days. She is a wonderful lady who saw me within a week.

They believe no one should be denied therapy who needs it. So if you can't afford the full amount you pay what you can according to your income.

In Covid times, therapists can still see people on Zoom or do therapy on the phone. Links below

anxietyuk.org.uk/

anxietyuk.org.uk/get-help/a...

Good luck. You can do it.

[Grigbey56]

I m going to have to try them. I am so very very scared that my next attack will finish my heart off altogether. I can't believe that within 8 months I went from a relatively carefree idiot to the possible end of my life. It is a living nightmare and I am absolutely shitting myself frankly. I don't think I will make it to the end of the year.

[Hidden]

Grigbey- so sorry you are so so frightened. It is totally understandable and overwhelming. It may feel too overwhelming to do anything at all except hope for Rescue or oblivion. No wonder you feel dreadful. Give yourself a hug, but remind yourself that today is the first day of a gentle new start, and you have life left to use and enjoy. It reads as though you have no one to turn to - that makes everything so much harder. If there is someone, do reach out.

Please try and follow some of the advice here.

1) get the Samaritans details - you can even email them. Use them when the fear peaks.

2) write a list of the small steps that may help you to change a little before the year is out.

3) top of the list should be medical check up - you “think”’you have been referred to cardiology. Check. Ask..

4) next on the list - you know you are not a healthy weight. Don’t strain to lose weight but make a change to what you eat. If you are afraid to go out, can you organise a delivery? Pick food you might like but which is full of goodness. Put the alcohol out of reach! (Most of it, anyway).

5) Get a notebook and every morning and evening note down anything at all that is “good”. However odd! A bird’s tweet, the colour of your slippers. Sounds daft but it works. Re-read it regularly. Also note down every small step you have taken that is healthy and self caring - calling the doctor, getting out for a brief walk, combing your hair, preparing a proper meal, smiling at an elderly neighbour, picking up some litter and binning it.

(I imagine you are so terrified that what I Have written seems daft or impossible or irrelevant. But it is not. Truly.)

6) Try to breathe more slowly and deeply. 7) avoid listening to or watching more than cursory news, especially of Covid. Watch something distracting.

8) try to avoid over thinking - you are drowning yourself in your own anxiety. This is the hardest thing to do. It is important to take your anxieties seriously but immersing yourself in them is dangerous. Distract yourself!

And get back to us...

And best wishes

[Doggiemomma]

Oh, Grigbey, you're not alone. I'm morbidly obese too, and it seems my life's history is gain and lose over and over again, always ending with gain. I very much eat for comfort, including to help my anxiety and my emotional heartbreak. My self-esteem is in the tank. I feel addicted and obsessed with certain foods that offer me comfort--and I don't mean celery!

I do believe I will always be overweight, but would like to *not* be considered morbidly obese. Have you tried changing one small thing in terms of the food or beverage you put in your body?

Things can change for the better for you, there are first steps you can take now if you wish.

Please don't put energy into a self-fulfilling prophecy about your end. You can make a positive difference to many people in your life through phone calls and emails and posting on forums, and those won't get you exposed to COVID.

There are good suggestions for support mentioned above--and speak with your medical team about your anxiety and your worries related to heart failure & AF. Please start to keep a gratitude journal (and re-read it as you add positives to each day) like Maddiegran suggested.

[Grigbey56 in reply to Doggiemomma]

Hmm medical team sounds nice, not a reality at the moment. I have lost 4 stones since summer but that's been because of anxiety and the appetite loss it has brought. I used to comfort eat and drink, and have been depressed for a very long time. Thanks for your help

[Hidden]

How about starting to tackle the “morbidly obese”! I have lost 1.5 stn which has done wonders for my AF. At least you will start being proactive.

[Grigbey56 in reply to Hidden]

Ironically because of the lack of appetite brought about by the anxiety, I have actually lost 4 stones since July, I barely drink now but really miss not being able to know or rather assume that I could sink a few pints and all would be good. I am probably trying to rush things but I feel so trapped.

[Auriculaire in reply to Grigbey56]

I am so sorry to read about how anxious and frightened you are and hope that you can take small steps to improve your situation and possibly bigger steps later. Firstly losing weight. Not eating because of loss of appetite will make you lose weight but it will do nothing for your overall mental state and might even make it worse as low blood sugar can increase anxiety. You need to start to eat nutrutiously. More fruit and veg ,small portions of nutrient dense protein like oily fish , eggs , meat and poultry. Nuts and seeds ( raw not salted or roasted) for snacks. This might seem daunting especially if you don't like cooking but you need to start on this in order to get the nutrients your body and brain needs. Alcohol consumption can lead to using up the body's magnesium stores so a magnesium supplement might help. Being low in magnesoum can contribute a lot to anxiety. A fish oil supplement can help with depression. If your afib is triggered by alcohol then presumably you have stopped drinking. This will help your liver to recover as years of drinking heavily might have damaged it and gradually as it recovers you should feel generally better. I would also start supplementing vit D as this is the best way to improve your immune system and help your chances of not catching covid or having an easier time if you do. Vit D deficiemcy can also contribute to a low mental state. Others here have given good advice on how to help yourself and certainly not watching the overblown covid news coverage is essential. I always watched the news at 10 then Newsnight but now I often don't -it is such a downer.

Try to get out in nature -a short walk in the park or potter about in the garden if you have one. Green spaces have a calming and uplifting effect .

[Silvasava]

Grigbey, I was wondering how you were as you hadn't posted for a wee while. I know you feel at rock bottom but please take heart that many people have responded to you. You are NOT alone, there IS support available to you. TBH I no longer watch the news as it's so depressing, even if you weren't in the first place. Other posters have given you excellent advice, it's up to you to try some of their suggestions, you have already taken the step to share your feelings and fears so take some comfort from their support too.

[Grigbey56 in reply to Silvasava]

I have to concur that I am a big obstacle to myself. I am so blown away by the replies, thanks to everyone! If I can at least find out just how bad I am it just might give me a starting point.

[marcyh]

Have you thought about seeing someone from the clergy?

[Grigbey56 in reply to marcyh]

I have actually thought of doing so. I was brought up a Catholic and was going to church again a few years ago although I hate to admit that I lost my faith more or less although I have always felt that there is something there.

[Polski]

Remember - 'heart failure' simply means that your heart isn't working as well as it used to. It doesn't mean that it is about to fail anytime!

You can strengthen your heart by taking any or all of - a good multi-vitamin and mineral tablet bought from a health shop, 1 grm of fish oil (not cod liver oil), some kind of magnesium (not oxide), L-carnitine, and CoQ10. These can all be bought from a good health food shop. Best wishes.

[Paulbounce]

Hi Grigbey.

I've read the rest of the posts on the thread - some great advice there and I can't really add anything else.

Please do one thing for me though. You say you 'think' you have been referred to see a cardio. Give your surgery a call and double check you have been referred. You'll know then that help with your heart condition is going to happen. It's worth chasing up the cardio's secretary as well to find out when the appointment is. I know it's a little daunting doing this when you feel down. If need any advice on the best way to go about it (I've had to do it many a time) we can all help.

Take care and look after yourself. There is help available and people do care (look at the responses you have had on this forum alone).

Try to have a nice day my friend.

Best,

Paul

[Grigbey56 in reply to Paulbounce]

I am still in shock and denial to be honest, and of course very scared. I am about to call them though so...thanks for your time and care.

[Patsywoo]

Hi Grigbey 56

I'm 56 too and totally understand how you feel. The AF can be really frightening. I've just had an attack of it myself this morning. I've found that food is often a trigger. I'm trying the low fodmap diet. its not a weight loss diet but shows you which foods can ferment in your stomach and cause bloating which can contribute to the atrial fibrillation and ectopic heart beats. Also eating large meals can cause it. Anxiety contributes too definitely. I'm anxious today as my two kittens have both gone to the vets to be spayed and castrated. so thats a worry and mine started right after breakfast.

I've also started doing Qi Gong which helps with deep breathing and i think this helps with the anxiety. Anxiety also makes you breath shallowly which can also contribute to the AF i think. So it becomes a vicious circle.

Please google low fodmap foods and give it a try. You sound as if you feel helpless so need to try to be proactive. it helps, honestly. If you do feel very bloated after meals, try taking indigestion remedies as this will help you to burp which sometimes helps relieve the pressure on your chest.

We're all here to help you. Please know you're not on your own. Have you got a good friend to talk to who will understand. if not, if you want to give your e-mail address or user name on whattapp or something we can keep in touch. We all need support.

[LordGabriel]

Hi there Grigbey,

Please don’t be offended and normally that ensures one will be BUT have you thought about weight loss surgery?

I’ve had a sleeve gastrectomy in 2012 and then a revision to a Gastric Bypass in 2019.

I lost 13 stone overall but 8 in the first 6 months of the 1st op.

I had my Gastric Bypass when diagnosed with AF.

I tried diets for years. Lost a bit, gained some more .... you know the score.

Weight loss surgery changed my life. I am a different person not just physically.... mentally it all becomes so much easier!

Why not ask your doctor? Tell the doctor what you told us. It’s pretty much what I told mine.

I waited 4 months for the first op and 13 months for the 2nd.

It’s totally worth it.

[Grigbey56 in reply to LordGabriel]

At the moment that isn't necessary ; I ve lost about four stones since the summer, not dietary but just been so anxious it has almost killed my appetite.

[LordGabriel in reply to Grigbey56]

Well that’s good. Keep that up!

[Equish]

I can’t possibly add anything else because the responses have been wonderful. But sending you a big hug. We are all in this together x

[Stobban]

Yea, Sadly there are many people in your condition who are greatly unhappy with many medical conditions they strive with daily, even children. Children always see the bright light when in the dark struggling with pain and still show a smile when down; that's what brings them through that dark tunnel. So when these kids can do it.....why can't you! Good Luck.

[C66t]

I hope today was better than yesterday and you feel the love and support from everyone here.some powerful beautiful support in the replies all from caring people. You are not alone I hope you can reach out to someone near you. Hugs and love.💕💐💐

[10gingercats]

Wonderful and practical advice here as well as all the heartfelt support. The Samaritans can be very supportive. Rang them one night when a friend 100 miles aware rang and told me she was about to end it all. I rang Samaritans and they called her.She is still with us 50 years on.