Yesterday was not a bad day. I had an unexpected panic attack that I did very well with. I surprised myself. Today I'm still tired from my Valium to call me down. I can take up to 30 mg in 24 hours. I hat 20. So I'm in the bed unless I need food or the toilet.
My husband is looking for a job that pays a little more and has fewer hours. What I am going through is much harder on him than me. I try to help but I still feel like I have let him down. He asked me not to lay down and just stop caring for us and our home. Well that's what I feel like I did. He knows that I can no longer keep up with him and I can't follow him every where he wants to go. But I will be glad just to watch him be Happy doing something he loves. But sadly my health has made him feel bad and depressed. He want to fix me and he can. So I can't blamed him and the way he feels. I also truly can't blame him when he doesn't want to hear me talk about me. His ex wife was a hypocondriac and she would pretend to be sick for attention. As cruel as it sounds he spent 12 years with her. He knew her patterns.
I'm different. He watched me die twice both times in his arms. He is afraid of my health and he Pampers me. But there are days that he gets annoyed with me too. But no matter what we love each other. And that makes me feel good.