Dictionary; despair; /dɪˈspɛː/ pronounced - noun; "...the complete loss or absence of hope." Despair is what kills us all, cancer or not and what is the true poison of spirit...we need to above else never, ever give up...ever...TNX
IMO, for many individuals it is exactly the opposite and thus broken lives, divorces, suicides, with vast amounts of money being made on hopes-dreams-lies by purveyors of trash cures and sadly by some trusted medical experts. To deny is to bury one's head in the sand. Flame me if you wish but in my life I have witnessed exactly what cancer CAN DO!!!
I'm sorry addicted, I understand, actually I'm crying, but if I don't have hope, I have no friend with me while I watch my husband disappear. I am heart broken for what has happened to all of us on this site, I never knew how good I had it, I just miss him, the way he use to be! He just wants to live, my husband does not want to die. How do we all know that there isn't something that will help us all, if we don't keep trying and searching.
Please believe me when I say I understand and am saddened when reading your words. Scores of years ago I finally realized (following numerous family sufferings) that for myself it simply did not make sense to dwell on the bad and what if's because it was mentally and physically unhealthy. I accepted my mortality and that of those I love and know and chose to live in the moment. I feel that by doing so intensifies relationships. Depending on beliefs, death is the beginning of enlightenment and a joyful eternity or as I believe - NOTHING. I am very comfortable with NOTHING.
As you mentioned ^^^^ --- "keep trying and searching" and may you find peace.
Maintaining hope in the face of the enemy is key to maintaining the fight. But over the years the losses, little or big, exhaust the soul of the caretaker. The patient may or may not be aware of all the losses. My husband is happy that he "won" the fight, but the cost has left him a very different man that I cannot trust to be left alone at home or at the doctor's office. Zero self control.
example #1: the one time I had to drop my husband off at the primary care doctor's office while I drove my daughter to her medical appointment, he did not stay in the exam room to wait for the doctor, he wandered the halls searching for the doctor, looking into other rooms, resisting the nurses efforts to get him back in "his" room. He is now banned from that office if he is unaccompanied by me.
example #2: he steals food from the kitchen whenever he feels hungry or bored, resulting in no appetite at meal times (hugely frustrating to me). The doctors have told him that he should stop gaining weight. If he goes with me to the grocery store, he buys cookies and "crumpets" (baked goods and donuts), and eats a bag or box a day. I am currently hiding his latest purchase to slow him down.
oh GA, thank you for sharing! You have a situation on your hands, as it is impossible to force a grown man to help himself if he doesn’t want to. I will keep up with you and follow your posts. Mentally, I do see a decline in my husband, he wants me with him more then ever and sometimes he is slow to process mentally at different times.
He wasn't like this a year ago, before the septic shock incident hospitalized him for 18 days last May. His short term memory is full of holes now and can no longer do math quickly in his head.
Read Victor Frankel's book "Man's search for Meaning". The book enumerates your post.
The belief that life is a struggle is true - as is the belief that life is joy.
Like all of us, cancer has laid me low at times. In numerous ways I am not the same man/person I was before cancer. However, in many other ways this last year has been one of the happiest, most joy filled years of my life. Due to my diagnosis I have been motivated to get fitter and healthier, my wife and I have rekindled our love affair with each other, and I attend to small delights. Due to my cancer and the reality of death, I now savor foods, experiences, and relationships in a new, deeper way.
Today in my part of Oregon, we are experiencing a sunny morning. The day started with my wife and I cuddling naked in bed. Since we got up the deer have been grazing in the yard, my wife and I had breakfast followed by our daily meditation and sharing. I am anticipating my walk in the sun, followed by more naked cuddling (hopefully), a dinner of the vegetable soup (that the house smells of), and a Saturday night of enjoying a concert (thanks to streaming), and maybe even some dancing in the living room.
Tonight I will ache and struggle to get comfortable, but that's tonight. Right now I can meditate my way through the discomfort I feel and get to a park for my walk.
I enjoyed the book by "Between Two Kingdoms" by Suleika Jaouad and now follow her posts. Yesterday's was on small joys - right up my alley: theisolationjournals.substa...
Oh Carlos, what sweet words, made me reflect on my own relationship with my husband, and what has happened to it in this past year. We just worry about cancer, thats our relationship.......wow do I miss us!
Karen, I'm sorry that your husbands cancer has engulfed your relationship. I hope that the two of you can find a way to move towards each other in the time left to you as a couple.
Jim is very fortunate to have you by his side! You sound like an awesome couple! I can't believe that he was still competing in the "world class bench pressing" contests at 72. I'm sure both of you have many more years together...I have been battling this nasty disease since I was 60 and I'm still doing OK at 79 with 'NO' cancer symptoms. My only problem is the incontinence brought about from my RP. My doctor estimated that I had PCa for at least 5 years before I was diagnosed with it even though I was quite vigilant about getting PSAs and digital exams twice a year. Jim's age is in his favor since PCa is usually more aggressive in younger men.
My best to both of you, and hopefully God will allow us to still be communicating for umpteen years to come!
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