Hope: May I ask, what has given you... - Advanced Prostate...

Advanced Prostate Cancer

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May I ask, what has given you guys hope on this journey? Happy for any kind of answer, to medical discoveries to well, anything.

84 Replies


dhccpa in reply to tango65

Are you metastatic?

tango65 in reply to dhccpa


When my Mom, who I took care of for the final

8 years of her life, was close to her death at 93 years, but still cognizant and mentally sharp, being fully aware of my condition, looked at me with all the conviction and confidence you could imagine and told me “Your going to be OK”

Whimpy-p in reply to 6357axbz

Thanks Mom🙏

6357axbz in reply to Whimpy-p


Whimpy-p in reply to 6357axbz

That’s awesome!

6357axbz in reply to Whimpy-p


azulmsalas in reply to 6357axbz

Mothers are mothers until their last second of life ♥

Whimpy-p in reply to azulmsalas

And maybe even beyond❤️

Welp ... saying hope , to me, kinda harkens into future life ... for me , at least, being more focused on the here and now works pretty well.

I woke up today , now after I brush my teeth , wash my face and gargle ... what am I going to do ( after my 22 pills / supplements and my pain meds ) .... here and now .... to have a great time “ today “ ? Go sit In the jacuzzi for a couple hours and read the enews on my mobile device ... drink my cupa fresh brewed Kona ....... , go inside and experiment with those new recipes for bloody Mary’s or new recipes for Paloma‘s. Make that big bowl of shrimp and crab ceviche ..... maybe bake another 8 dozen one gram each marijuana cookies ... spend hours in a different reality in oculus quest. Stuff like that .... considering Covid isolation. I don’t need “ hope on a journey “ ... I’m in “ this “ moment , here and now .... I woke up today ... I’ve got the whole day to QOL play and I’m after it hardcore. I’m deep into SOC and it’s holding me well ... it’s “ today “ right here right now that we are all tasked with ... don’t look back at yesterday and wish you had done this or that or think you will have the future to play in and put things off .... look at today and “ do it “ here and now while you still have the ability ., make the most of right now ... for all of us advanced stage 4 M1 guys ... today is the best day of the rest of our lives. Learn to appreciate that gift and make the most of it.

Just say’in 💪💪💪💪👍👍👍🦋🌵🙂🌸🌻🌈🌵🌵🌵❤️❤️❤️

Tall_Allen in reply to Kaliber

Well said! It took me a long time to internalize that hope and fear are two sides of the same coin, both a result of living in the future instead of the present moment. Similarly, regret/second-guessing past decisions and self-congratulation both stem from an orientation to the past instead of the present moment. I've found comfort and reduced anxiety in discarding all of them, living in the present without judgment, dealing with things as they are instead of how they might have been or might be, positive or negative. I still struggle with this.

olloreda in reply to Tall_Allen

Baruch Spinoza, a very important but intentionally hidden and forgotten philosopher, understand fear and hope like "sad passions", a form of disempowerment. That means you lost power when your body focus on them.

And, as you have already told, thinking from Budhism, Taoism, Ubuntu, Sumak Kawsay, among others non-modern cosmovisions, there is no sense to live out from the present. That doesnt mean not to planificate but not doing it after the plan is done. To enjoy life and to develop all our power we must be in the present. Of course, always easy to say, not always easy to do after our "modern" civilization.

Kaliber in reply to olloreda

Good for you brother 👏👏👏👏. “ now is how “ yayahahahaya yayahahahaya. 💪💪💪✌️✌️✌️🌸🦋🌼❤️❤️❤️

Kaliber in reply to Tall_Allen

Well said as well ( ? ) brother TA. You definitely “ get it” ... 💪💪💪👍👍👍

dhccpa in reply to Tall_Allen

Are you still undergoing treatment?

No17 in reply to Tall_Allen

So true. I try to live without expectations. Enjoy life as it unfold, , have no regret, applying myself to do the best I can at what occupies me right now and then looking forward to the next task/ project

Love this post caliber

Thank you

A great post to start my day

Thank you 2 ..🙂🙂🙂❤️❤️

When my husband was diagnosed on Nov. 1, 2018, his 70th birthday, the Doctor told us he probably would only have about 5 years to live. (He volunteered that info, because we certainly didn’t ask that question). I left his office devastated and numb, unable to sleep or eat much for the first 2 weeks. I sat up every night, crying, searching the internet to learn as much as I could about this awful disease. It was then that I came upon a story about a man named Todd Seal. His diagnoses was very similar to my husband’s, including a PSA of 3200 with extensive Mets. His story was documented in Men’s Heath magazine, as well as in his blog that has followed his journey. He is now 13 years out and doing very well. He gave me hope and the encouragement I needed at a very dark time.

treedown in reply to Loves2golf

I read him too early on. I also found hope but also the desire to find out why one man makes it so long and another not. Somebody on this forum said it comes down to luck, so now I hope for luck.

Whimpy-p in reply to treedown

On a A wing and pray We survive with gods will 🙏🌵

Golfnow in reply to Loves2golf

Thank you Loves2golf. My husband was diagnosed in August 2018. We are on the same page. Covid makes it more difficult but my husband and I love to golf. It has been fabulous. Drugs are keeping the cancer quiet and we try to remain positive.....some days more positive than others. Luck, being positive, great doctors and lots of prayers....

skiaspen in reply to Loves2golf

Thank you for sharing this..it gives me hope❤️🙋‍♀️

Wow, that's something else. I thought I thought I had the high score with 2450. I bow to your husband with massive respect for moving on from that and rocking it for 13 years. :)

Wish it was my husband that had 13 years, but it was Todd Seal who you can google to get his story. My husband is only 2 years out and is struggling every day, but we keep our hopes up by the many wonderful men on this site who are living many years with this disease.

Oh my fault. There's so much to read in this thread, but I'm sure he can be another record breaker. :)

Hope so!

Whimpy-p in reply to Loves2golf

God bless him and you in this daily struggle 🙏

When I was diagnosed with bone mets and saw my primary care doctor's eyes full of tears looking at my bone scan with shiny black dots...my hope plunged ...then I looked at Oncologist who was standing next and she said.." I am sorry...but people live many years these days with this" My hope took deeper dive and finally my hope was at bottom of ocean when I saw my wife's eyes filled with helplessness. I can never forget that night in hospital.

This was my first ever hospital admission in my entire 62 years of life.

But since that night, my hope has been soaring each month like an eagle. My unquenchable thirst for knowledge about this disease...pushed my hope out of bottom and as I learnt more and more about PCa..hope kept rising . Hope jumped up out of ocean shore after 10 months of treatment and when I saw PSA Nadir 0.2 , T 1.5 and BALP 13. Further modifying my already plant based vegetarian diet and adding a dozen dietary supplements plus 5 mile walk every day led to plenty of energy and near normal life and working full time job. Currently My hope is soaring high in sky like a beautiful kite as I am in off period of ADT for last 9 months and PSA is 1.2 ,BALP 10 and pretty normal health and energy level. MRI and CT shows very faded 2 or 3 very small mets, hardly noticeable.

To sum up , Right Knowledge and its proper application is like a seed from where the plant grows giving beautiful colorful flowers of hope.

Boywonder56 in reply to LearnAll

Take it you still have prostrate ....they let u go in adt vac.?

Learn: just read bio and see ....guess your " flirting with diaster"..... has it been worth it?

LearnAll in reply to Boywonder56

Yes ....so far. After stopping lupron and Abi., Energy back, mood better, sexual desire and performance better (not like before) hot flashes totally gone. I fully understand the risk of Intermittent ADT and so I check biomarkers every 2 weeks and Scans every 2 months. I am flexible and will go back to Lupron quickly if I need to.

Boywonder, checked your profile, you have ductal histopathology. If I had Ductal, I will not go for Intermittent ADT. Too risky.

LearnAll in reply to Boywonder56

Yes. No treatment except 9 months of Lupron and Abi+predni. And of course a lot of leaves, roots and other dietary supplements. Prostate is 100% untouched and intact.

Having a team of world class doctors who care about my well being and are open minded.

Treatments have been successful on each recurrence so far.

Exercise - tennis, golf, and cycling.

Accepting the fact that we are all eventually going to fail to wake up after going to sleep, and each new day we wake up is like another new mini-life.

Having a supportive family that doesn't get emotional about my disease.

Massive research and development of new treatments.

Being busy - still working full time.

Dett in reply to ron_bucher

“...each new day we wake up is like another new mini-life”. Never thought of it like that. Thanks.

My first undetectable PSA and clear scans gave us hope for more time ...fully knowing that nothing last forever. Live for today !

LearnAll in reply to Whimpy-p

True. Life itself is an incurable disease...every human has to go.. some early some little less early.

Pick44 in reply to LearnAll

Ain’t that the truth! I’m 76 now and grateful for every day, good and bad.

treedown in reply to Whimpy-p

You got that right. I don't waste a single day anymore, I do the things I love and spend time with those I love. No more wasted days laying around doing nothing, or thinking what do I do today? I can just sit and watch my wife and son working kn the kitchen and be in that moment and feel content. This PC is a blessing and a curse. But each day being present is only a blessing.

Kaliber in reply to treedown


Whimpy-p in reply to treedown

Hec yah! Being happy planted in this field is where it’s at .. the grim reaper will return for us all .. until then ,, f that greedy bastard !

When after a year of surgery/ chemo treatments /drugs, I was able to move my toes and walk up the stairs without holding both walls. Then being able to fix coffee and carry two cups upstairs to share quality time with my wife. Being there for my youngest daughters wedding and dancing with all three of my daughters. Seeing hair sprout on my head (tho not elsewear on my body) a dim light but at the end of the tunnel. Being able to go back to work for 3 1/2 mo to get out from under medical bills. Finally being able to see the possibility of moving to our retirement home purchased before aPc entered our lives. Making the move and finally being able to ride my bike again and doing it with my youngest grandson. Then picking wild strawberries with him on a hike in the deep dark woods.

LOTS OF LITTLE MILESTONES-- all leading to cancer in remission and psa 0.08 and below three and a half years into this war. .Getting my hunting licence and trying for my first whitetail with a 20 ga smooth bore flintlock. Life goes on and I am working at making it as great as I can. Canned 10 pts of plums last night and 8 pts of salsa the night before. A full pantry and a large wood pile for winter and a library full of books to read this winter when the snow flies. LIFE IS GOOD AND I PLAN TO ENJOY EVERY LITTLE MOMENT OF IT.

Whimpy-p in reply to Shooter1

Plums and Fintlock venison .? Sounds like a plan . Three daughters too? What a man! I’m glad you’re on the mend. Nos vemos luego compadre !

Being present at the birth of 2 more grandchildren gives me hope. Now I have 4. They are wild and wonderful. Walking my baby girl down the aisle 3 weeks ago gives me hope. Seeing my Dad turn 101 last week gives me hope. Waking up everyday gives me hope. Forums like this give me hope. L'chaim!

ron_bucher in reply to GoBucks

Buckeyes give me hope!

GoBucks in reply to ron_bucher

Haha! Always!

Whimpy-p in reply to GoBucks


Hope: finally getting the last Lupron injection and looking forward to some T.

treedown in reply to timotur

Ditto, as I rode up a mtn today with 2 men one almost half my age and having them pull ahead after each stop I thought maybe next year with some T I will be able to keep up. Then I whooped their asses on the technical descent and thought who cares.

They are hell bent to find a cure for us or a drug that will retard cancer for our lifetime

We have come so far from where we used to he

Prostrate cancer 2020 give us more options for treatments

Everyday now I read of other men and women who were given months to live years after they are still here

Today we have some say in our treatment

Before we had none

Top Banana according to my oncologist it wont be long now

Hang in there my friend

During my initial exposure to this stage4 fatal disease in 2018 I joined a local support group. Not only did I find others with as bad if not worse PSA and other markers that had been around for years but they seemed positive about more years ahead of them. Pretty powerful stuff when I had just been given 6mos. I'm now 2.5 years down this short road and feeling pretty good ignoring a few side effects.

We have over 11,000 members in this world wide APCa with similar stories. It is inevitable that we regularly lose a few but there is a LOT of positive stories and support here to let you know that far more time is likely for you than you initially imagine.

Educate yourself and work on YOUR success whatever it will be.


Someone once said to me " hope makes a good breakfast, put a very poor supper "

I'm still eating breakfast.

Hang on in there everyone, I'll be serving up seconds very soon.

Love to all.


Whimpy-p in reply to Lettuce231

We can’t ever let hope die.💪

Lettuce231 in reply to Whimpy-p

Quite right Scott, no hope, no point in getting out of bed 🛌🛏.

So we here, will keep feeding it, that way it will always stay alive.


Hope is pain free days. Being able to enjoy every minute. Enjoying a small hike in the woods, a night of sleep and watching the sunset with my wife. No one knows what tomorrow will bring but we can make sure we enjoy today. Science brings new changes everyday and some will improve and lengthen our life lives. I believe that but if it doesn’t I don’t want to waste the good times I had worrying about it. So have a good cup of coffee, challenge yourself to do a little more and enjoy the people around you. Peace in your journey.

Well I’m not much for humor , I have drawn my family as close as I can and love them as much as I can, doctor gave me a script for Effexor to help with my depression and hot flashes. Beyond that I stay busy every day , I’m a lucky man I have hobbies, hunting ,fishing but as a old mechanic I have the tools of my trade sitting in the garage ❤️ When I was a kid I built models , as a young man I loved my cars and built a couple of hot rods , now I have a garage full of cars and trucks that I work on until my puppy tells me that it’s time to come in and check my I pad for mail. Find your happy spot. I didn’t find it at first but it’s there. Good luck warrior. Forgot to say two most important things, cry a lot and thank the lord for giving us a chance to get ready for the end 🙏🙏🙏🙏

Efexor darned near killed me. We are all different, doubled hot flashes, took my balance away, vision from 20/30 to 20/300, not a good match for me. All the rare side effects nailed me, but I lived and am getting on with life to it's fullest.

Old car guys rule....yesteday said the t cruis pledgetok the 66 fairlane out ..looking for a litle stop lite to stop lite action.....didnt find any but had a blast blowin out the cobwebs.....drive it loke u stole it....live like no tommoro..bw

Sounds good to me.

Old bike guys rule too... It's great fun and always puts a huge smile on my face.

Here's a short 3 minute video of yesterday's ride on the Royal Enfield.


Cool ...saw one yesterday on frwy.....in houston....

Giving thanks daily is key

We live by faith. By faith we stay in the moment knowing that it is the Almighty which makes our path lighten. I also know that discoveries Of new treatments are happening Very rapidly.

My husband was diagnosed with stage 4 with bone mets in Jan. 2019. Doctor said 3 years. After Zytiga and Xtandi failed are now on 4th Chemo treatment. A lot of bone pain which limits activity and on a lot of morphine. Hoping the chemo eventually helps the bone mets and the pain so can resume a somewhat normal life. We try to live day by day as normal as possible and pray, hope, and not worry. We are hopeful for new treatments coming soon.

Shooter1 in reply to oilcan4

Best of luck to you on this uphill battle. Had 9 chemo treatments and live with permanent side effects, but pounded the cancer and nailed the bone mets. Live what life is given you to the best of your ability. Doug

I try to live in the short term, taking it a day at a time and I don’t take any day for granted. I thank god every day when I get up, I thank him for blessing me with another day, each morning is a day that I’m here beyond my so called “expiration” date that I was given over 6 years ago.

My faith gives me the most hope, I believe in the power of prayer and that God works miracles, I know that because I’ve experienced them.


Shooter1 in reply to EdBar

Me too.

You said it all for me EdBar. Hope is born of faith. I like all of the responses above from y'all.

My hope is rising, soaring on Wings of Eagles for a better tomorrow. Hope is looking in my grandbaby's eyes and believing he sees the cure for Cancer in his lifetime, or even mine!!

So many things give me hope but for the purposes of this post it's being in this group---so many inspiring stories of men who just keep living (JKL) in spite of suffering from this stubborn (to say the least) disease---not to mention the loving spouses who support us

Been in this Gleason 9 battle for 16 years. Stage four for 12 of those years. There is no expiration date tattooed on the bottom of my foot. I rely on my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ to lead me and care for me. Jesus has a plan for me and He can’t make mistakes.


That is a spiritual question. Not religious. Spiritual. It is also the motto of the state where I live, Rhode Island.

What is my relation to the rest of the universe? to life? to the life force? to the Light?

I am almost 77. When I got my diagnosis and did some thinking/meditation/prayer on it, I concluded that basically I had to continue to trust in the universe and its good wishes for me. It is hard to put words on it: universe/life/life force/God. I can trust it or I can choose not to trust it. I have chosen to trust it.

From that springs (for me) the belief that my physicians have the best intentions, that my study of the science of prostate cancer can offer some valid answers, that the mediations and meditations of my support group gives me power and that my own meditations directed toward well-being inside of my body helps control the Invader.

Perhaps it is just that I am naive, but I believe that Life wants the best for me. So it gives me Hope.


Good Luck, Good Health and Good Humor.

j-o-h-n Monday 09/28/2020 1:57 PM DST

Immunotherapy- Keytruda and Lu-177

I've beaten the first (outdated) statistics I googled, I beat the first Dr. prognosis (later changed), I'm doing pretty damn good. I know this calm before the storm won't last, but I'm enjoying life now. Do you remember when you didn't think about death every day? I'm now more worried about a friend who has cancer, than I am of my own cancer. I think I've mentored him well. He's enjoying life and not slowing down. Que sera sera.

Last December 23rd I was diagnosed with stage four metastasized prostate cancer and informed there is no stage five (think Frank Zappa). People we know suggested we look into Radioligand therapy a nuclear-targetted, cutting-edge, therapy that's conducted in only 5 locations around the world, Bangkok being one of them. My wife had taken a year off teaching and I recently retired so we took the radical move of finding house sitters, skipping the worst of winter, and moved to Bangkok. We found a terrific apartment in the charming Ari district (for half of what we would pay in a comparable city) and I had my first treatment at Bangkok's world-famous Samitivej Hospital March 13th. We stayed for three months. The usual is 4-10 treatments at one month apart but because my wife and I are aerobically fit (former marathoners) only three treatments with lutetium was needed (one per month). I'm grateful (and somewhat stunned) to report on seeing my last "Gallium" scan that I am now in total remission and cancer-free. I have dropped from a PSA of 9.80 to 0.31 in 3 months. A miracle of modern medicine.

Needless to say this treatment is not for everyone. It's expensive, it also takes a huge commitment considering all the travel restrictions currently imposed. I'm sharing my story as a source of hope for those whose path seems uncertain.

We are fortunate to live in this era of modern medicine.

Hope has never figured to be important in my life because its wishful emotionalism and I am a realist, and dealing with Pca is a matter of finding the best available treatment. Most Pca treatments work for a limited time, and a few don't work at all, so I go from one to the other to get more time alive. I cannot live forever, so hoping to live to 103 or have eternal life in in some imagined joint called Heaven is irrational, and I don't believe in anything spiritual such as God or a soul, because all religious beliefs are based on communally accepted imagined gods, and I have NEVER ever seen a miracle happen, or any answer to anyone's prayers.

I do believe than Nature just exists, and you and everyone else are a temporary part of Nature, so you better behave nicely or Nature will react by kicking back. Its impossible for me to not contemplate the make up of the Universe, Eternity, Infinity, and just why it exists especially when I know I don't have a lot of time left. I have no answer to why existence of all things observed, and unobservable exist, like electricity and viruses. We just have to suck it all up bro, go with the flow, us humans just borrow a few atoms from Nature for awhile, then we give them back for re-cycling. Better be nice to other ppl you love then eh? Yeah, they are worth the effort, no?

Better spend time DOING that while ya can and not worrying about hope.

Better be grateful to docs extending your life.

The basic problem about hoping is that its so often disappointing. When we are young, we put aside all thoughts of getting old and un-living, and we hope to have a happy long marriage and kids, and a good job to pay for what we hoped for, and good health, and some hope to win the lottery or get a big win by betting on Gofast, that horse we heard about.

I found it was utterly hopeless to to hope for any of these things would come true, as I imagined them, and marriage lasted 18 months, I had no kids, but I grew to like my job as a construction worker, and Nature gave me good health for that, but then began taking health away with bad knees at 47 so I had to change trades to sit-down work of electronics on far less pay, about equal to the dole, but I didn't mind the frugality, and Nature had also given me DNA with a defect that gave me Pca at 62, and there's no way I can go to nature and ask for a refund on faulty genes Nature supplied. I found hoping for love was The Most Absurd mental condition to have.

But now, after fighting Pca since 2009 and never knowing if I will live another year or 2, I never hope, for anything, I just exist temporarily, and I am glad I do exist, and I quite like humble activities such as spending all day in my shed fiddling around with electronics, occasionally adding pages to my website, and cycling 200km a week.

Some would find the expense and time I have to devote to getting Lu177 treatment to be very depressing, but I don't. I'll get that treatment while I can even though I'd prefer not to have to give so much to get it, just so I can continue quite a good way of life a bit longer.

The doctors treating me have the same ambition to get a bit more life and they depend on sick ppl to get that. Do they hope a lot more sick ppl turn up to get treated? Maybe they do, so they can get rich, and some get amazingly rich which makes us feel a bit pissed off that we are poor, and they get rich from other ppl's misfortunes, and some of us would hope to change society to be fairer, but these days a revolution is unlikely, and indeed the rich seem intent on making things worse for the poor. The rich hope to get richer.

Now isn't this all a bit crazy?

I happen to to live in Canberra, a fairly nice city of 440,000 which has not yet mucked itself up by getting too big, and we don't have a Covid 19 crisis here.

The darn virus has spurred on the sense of hopelessness for many who lost their jobs, or lost their parents, and we are going through an era of old fashioned bad luck luck for our species. Its happened much more badly in history when everyone was far more ignorant. Can we hope that things may get better? probably, yes because as time goes on, anything in future will be better than the present if we merely stay alive, or not have our health severely reduced if we do get C19, then recover, with long lasting problems.

Its a fine morning here, and will be a very nice spring day to cycle across town for lunch, and enjoy the good day given to us all by Nature.

Time I went to shed to focus heavily on anything else except existential hope, and just hope on little pleasures of life, like getting lunch at an Italian cafe, with a smiling young waitress.

I don't like being couped up at home. But I feel no need to travel, because I already do, on the bike, and I've done about 250,000km so far, just cycling around here, and from what I see on TV I just see it would be hopeless for me to try to enjoy myself in London or Rome, or spending time in Nepal and in the mountains. Wherever I did go, all the ppl have no greater real understanding of life than I do. They all hope to live a bit longer and try to be happy with so little, and I suggest you ought to try that idea.

Patrick Turner.


IMO it's sad that you dont have hope. I'm not contesting your way, but for me , I'll not try "that" ..ever. Best wishes!

Hope for many is necessary to feel happy and feel they might get well during a future that surely is somewhat shorter than anyone aged 25.

I'm be colloquial and say I hope you enjoy hoping as much as possible.

I have just returned from having 6th shot of Lu177. Psa was 30 just before 5th shot last 24 July. Now Psa was 8.7 a week before 6th shot Lu177 yesterday, 2 October.

Previous series of 4 x Lu177 shots were from 4 Nov 2018 to May 2019. During that time, Psa was 25 before, and 17 after first 2 shots. So this year's first shot has produced a much bigger Psa reduction, and maybe trend continues but I cannot be sure until next Psa test is done, and the next PsMa Ga68 scan should show more clearly just what progress has been made in killing bone mets. Docs said I didn't have any soft tissue mets, only bone mets. Bone mets are notoriously difficult to treat with anything. But it does seem Lu177 is working. I wish I could say I hope my Lu177 shots will lead to remission, but I am too much the realist who does not like the disappointment that comes with not getting what I hoped for. I tried to make things happen that were good for me, and for anyone who worked for, or or for any lady partner. Hoping for a good outcome with the ladies I knew over a lifetime turned out to be utterly futile.

I'm having a quiet week, not much cycling, just take it easy and let the Lu177 get to its work of damaging DNA of my Pcs cells so badly they cannot reproduce.

Patrick Turner.

Wow this is a damn good question. For me it's a number of things.

I got diagnosed at Stage 4 a month before my 4nd birthday. My PSA was 2450 but Gleason is 7.

The first thing that gives me hope is my girl. In November it'll be 3 years and we're still strong even though I moved back to America from Thailand. When we first met it was for selfish reasons. I've had a unstoppable fighting spirit for years. It even saved my life when I was hit hard with a blood clot and I was literally suffocating and made it to the hospital. I was running on mental and spiritual strength. Physical strength was gone.

The initial treatment and getting back to normal after cancer diagnosis killed it. It broke me. I've training as a fighter to so when I lost it I lost a part of my soul. I felt I should date so I could lean on someone for strength.

I met my girl and and I kinda backed myself into a corner and had to tell her I was stage 4. I felt terrible since I think I was the first truly good person she's ever dated, yet I had this hanging on me. After about 2 weeks of arguing haha, we decided to give it a shot.

I realized how much of an idiot I was to expect her to be my strength, when I needed to work on resurrecting my spirit, so I worked my ass off to do it, but I eventually did. I had to do it for her as well as myself.

Not to mention I have so many people counting on me to keep going.

I also have a lot of hope coming back to America because of the science here. All the new cool stuff comes from America first. :) Thailand was great but they had a limit of what they could do. Even though it sucks getting diagnosed so young, with the advancements happening I can hold true to what I've said from the beginning of my diagnoses. I'm taking this with me, it's not taking me.

I admit I do get worried about possibly getting screwed if the ACA gets overturned because this would be a "pre-existing condition." I don't believe President Trump would make it such a point to say he's going to protect pre-existing conditions to even make an executive order saying so. Logically it doesn't make sense to me he would do that and then move on to something else.

Lastly I guess I am very fortunate in many ways. I've seen people with lower stages and lower PSAs get dragged over hot coals. Even one dude who got diagnosed at Stage 4 around the same time as me. Nothing worked for him and I think he's gone.

Even though I have a strong relationship with God, I don't like to say I'm blessed. It feels like it's disrespectful to people who aren't as fortunate as me. If I'm blessed, does it mean people who died early not lasting to long were not blessed? Does this mean God loves me more than the others?

It just makes me feel silly.

I just like saying I'm lucky, or even fortunate.

I guess the last thing that gives me hope is every day I am alive, it gives me a chance to shove my middle finger in the face of this disease to say, "Fuck you, I'm still here and I'm in control." I have another middle finger for the many many people who've said over the years I wasn't going to amount to shit. I have a marketing business to grow that's going to help me live a good life of peace and zero stress helping people who need me to help their business grow.

I have stuff to do, and I have a story to tell. Stage 4 Prostate cancer is just a page in the life of some fucked up shit that I've been through. I just don't see God allowing me to go through all this to die tragically.

I just go on fighting and being fierce like one of my heroes from professional Football Brian Dawkins. Dude was insanely talented and vicious out on the field. He was the last person ANYBODY wanted to get hit by when he played. Off the field he was a super quiet and kind hearted guy.

I really don't know how to end this so here's a video of Brian Dawkins playing. The production from whomever made it was amazing and passionate. Dawkins is #20 so you know who to look for haha.


I agree with most of the other responders. Live for today, Love your family, have fun with your friends, educate yourself, look for the best doctors and assume that you will beat the odds. I am 2.5 years into this new life. Since diagnosis I have been on a tear - scuba diving, paddle boarding, body surfing, jet skiing, boating, biking, motorcycling, traveling, and generally having a fun time. I am going skydiving for my 70th birthday In 3 months.

I just got back to Florida last week from riding adventure motorcycles for 2 weeks in Wyoming and Idaho. My friend and I camped out each night, saw amazing stars and ate terrible cans of canned food heated in the campfire each night (and it tasted great)! We rode on dirt and gravel trails most of the time. We saw bison, elk, coyotes, and more.

What gives me hope? Science and this blog are right up there along with the thoughts of more trips, more fun, and more love with my family and friends!

You are either the Hammer or the Nail

My older brother told me that when first diagnosed December 2019

And I became the Hammer and took control of my treatments

Did not like what I heard in US, so checked out Europe.

Found the people and resources that supported my care and well being there.

Completed my treatments here before first scheduled appointment to discuss possible treatments

I. Thank my brother everyday and I am the Hammer!

I think you nailed that reply. Congrats on being the Hammer!!

I think that getting educated on the realities of dealing with advanced prostate cancer was the first step, because knowledge is critical to enable one to plan one's life, to understand and know, based upon their medical situation, to live the remainder of their life in some peace.

I think the learning curve takes time, a great deal of energy, and perseverance, as the medical system surrounding the treatment of our disease, is an absolute disaster, as it all over map.

Although I think that one should never give up, excepting at the final late stage, where I concur on assisted suicide for those who choose that path.

I also think that being practical, accepting that we are ALL going to die of something at some point, is comforting because far too often, those fighting advanced prostate cancer, and in fact any cancer, is deemed to make one defective or has some curse or are deserving of getting this disease.

Once one has a grip on the above, then treatments, off cycles for those of us who can and are offered this option, become the norm, so we just hang tough, grit our teeth and take it!!! The option of not engaging in scientifically approved medical treatments, is an early demise, and often, much lower quality of life.

All cancer treatments have side effects and these two, become the norm, for one to accept that the war to get as much time as possible on the planet, will result in some hardship and as the disease progresses, the side effects and damage increase.

Understanding this. too, is very important.

Ok. so ROCK ON for as long as you, do as much as you and enjoy each and every day. Most of us are past middle age, unlike breast cancer patients, or more sadly, childhood cancers, so we should come to terms with the fact that most of us have had long lives, and find comfort in understanding that fact.

I have been dealing with my cancer for 8 years with successes and failures. Failures of course hurt but ultimately you have to look for the positives: I’m still alive, I can do a lot of things and I’m not in any debilitating pain and new treatments are coming regularly. As a Christian I trust God’s plan. That doesn’t mean I will experience healing but I TRUST God uses all things for my good and the good of others. I hope that helps you. Be blessed!

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