Don’t understand

[Mille_5]

Does anyone else struggle with emotional regulation? I get so upset about the smallest things sometimes and I don’t know how to control it. I don’t understand when people are making a joke. I don’t understand when I hurt peoples feelings.

[Its18]

I absolutely struggle with emotional regulation. For myself it’s even more difficult if I’m frustrated, tired or stressed. It seem to come out of nowhere. My spouse will call it my “tantrum“ and then I’ll be fine. It surprises me, I don’t see it sneaking up so the count to ten or take a deep breath is challenging. Because once it happens it’s over and I usually just move on. I will feel terrible and say I’m sorry. But I’m getting tired of it.

[Socialxbutterflyx]

It’s also difficult for me to catch my anger/ anxiety ahead of time. It’s usually an in the moment issue. Yes sometimes I miss if people are insulting me/ trying to be funny/ or subtle messages I am so bad at interpreting interaction cues, where on the other hand the perception of rejection, even amidst normal interactions, will send me down a hole of anxiety over rejection . Also sometimes I am so blunt and very honest that I am also unsure if I ever say the wrong or harmful things sometimes

[GregorysMom]

Me too and I'm pushing 70. I only found out about my adhd BY ACCIDENT at around 60 and even then it was hard to get help for it, in spite of my adult life being spent with therapists for depression and the then undiagnosed behaviors of ADHD . All I ever got was, "Stop being so intense. Calm down." If I could do that I wouldn't have to come to them. But mental health care here is a racket like everything else, and they just collected my insurance $.

I'm almost happy that the Covid has made counseling a telehealth"/zoom event rather than me having to shlep out to someone all the time. I will say that since I've moved to a new state 2 years ago, and into a new health system (not better, just new), that I have gotten the best treatment for adhd; new meds, new counselor, etc..

But it still doesn't adequately address the emotional regulation part well. I want to relearn thinking and reactions but I still don't get that. I used to think biofeedback but I hear mixed results about that, and I'm sure it's an enormous investment of time. I keep thinking I need some kind of coaching but my insurance would never cover that.

Recently I saw myself on a zoom workshop for something else I took and I was horrified by what I saw. My speaking pattern and voice and endless jabbering. No wonder I always struggled with relationships.

[PeanutRN]

I’m in the same boat. I had to delete all my social media and quit watching the news because I would get so mad and hateful over what people say. I also suck at the joke thing too. Nothing to do about that. The other day my daughter was showing me pickS of her 21’st birthday party that her mom threw her and her mom put on the front door as a joke (21 or older only) So I asked her if her mom really wasn’t letting people in that were under 21? She looked at me like I was dumb and said “it was a joke dad! You didn’t get it”. Happens all the time. I’m used to it.

[Hidden]

My suggestion to all of you and some of you who have commented is to seek help for anxiety. Anxiety coupled with ADHD is not an exciting mixture. Emotional regulation is part of ADHD and it doesn't go away. However, identifying things that make it worse can reduce the out bursts.

Several years ago I found myself staring divorce head on. My actions could no longer be excused and I sought help for my issues. What I thought was an undiagnosed mood disorder would lead me down a pig trail of doctors, medications, and treatments. Finally, I was diagnosed with ADHD coupled with Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria and anxiety. I was treated for ADHD and found some relief in my attention span which allowed me the patience to handle my emotional roller coaster of a brain. However, I was not relieved of my emotional issues and still found myself apologizing for losing control of my mouth.

The rejection sensitive dysphoria was making things hard. My fear of rejection was so bad that I was planning for the rejection before it even came. I would avoid conflict, avoid people, places and even my wife. My RSD was controlling me more than I realized. Now, my ADHD medication was supposed to help with my RSD but clearly it was not. So I changed medications and found relief. My next hurdle was anxiety. My ADHD medication did not help my anxiety it only gave me the longer fuse in situations. I take a medication for anxiety now. Although my anxiety is not completely gone nor do I think a medication can do that; I have an easier time managing it.

I say all of this to say that anxiety can cause a lot of issues. Anxiety doesn't always present itself as anxiety attacks, panic attacks, or nervousness. Anxiety can look like anger, fear, crying, fatigue etc. The way our minds handle situations vary a lot. For me, my attempt to control a situation was to lash out with words, often harsh. What looked like anger was my anxiety. I wasn't really angry, more like feeling trapped and trying to escape.

Hope you find help and good luck!

[Mille_5 in reply to Hidden]

I actually was diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety and Major Depression. It makes life very difficult. Once one things starts doing better something gets worse.

[Hidden in reply to Mille_5]

I was being treated for symptoms of ADHD before I was diagnosed. I was treated separately for anxiety and then depression but not for ADHD. Most of the time doctors will treat you for symptoms rather than trying to determine the true cause of your issues. What made me depressed was a constant feeling of being rejected. I was not enough for anyone. Nothing I did or say was good enough. This feeling however came and went randomly. The result left me confused and feeling down all the time. Once I began seeking treatment for ADHD/RSD I was able stop the depression and reduce the anxiety.

[johnfamilyman in reply to Hidden]

Hi Dred, I am living your story

[Hidden in reply to johnfamilyman]

Hi johnfamilyman, Feel free to message me if you need some guidance or have a question.

[Scoobeedoo in reply to Hidden]

Been there my friend. I love the example you gave about the anger, which was really anxiety.

“Anxiety doesn't always present itself as anxiety attacks, panic attacks, or nervousness. Anxiety can look like anger, fear, crying, fatigue etc. The way our minds handle situations vary a lot. For me, my attempt to control a situation was to lash out with words, often harsh. What looked like anger was my anxiety. I wasn't really angry, more like feeling trapped and trying to escape.”

Beautifully said.