Single dad seeking advice – concerned my 11yo might have ADHD

[Adam_C]

Hi everyone,

I’m a dad to two amazing girls, 9 and 11. I lost my wife about two years ago, and since then it’s just been me and the girls. I try my best every day to give them a good, loving home—it’s not always easy, but they’re my whole world.

Lately I’ve been getting more and more concerned about my older daughter. She’s 11, and my sister keeps saying she might have ADHD. Honestly, when I looked it up, it did sound kind of accurate. I even found one of those online checklists and, well… it pretty much said she likely has it.

The thing is, I really want to get her properly checked but all the assessments I’ve looked into are crazy expensive. I just can’t afford that right now. I’m hoping maybe someone here knows of a serious and trustworthy evaluation, maybe something online, that isn’t so insanely priced?

Also, if the evaluation does suggest medication, I’m honestly not sure what to think. I’ve heard different opinions. If anyone has experience with that, I’d really appreciate hearing how it went for you and your kid.

Thanks a lot in advance. Really. Just trying to do right by my daughter.

[LisethHIS]

Hi Adam_C,

Thank you for contacting CHADD National Resource Center on ADHD. I'm truly sorry for your loss. Please know that you’re doing the best you can, and taking the step to learn more about ADHD is a great way to start. If you’d like to have your daughter assessed for ADHD, you can check with her pediatrician to see if they offer evaluations in their office. If they don’t, we’d be happy to help you find a center that can assist you.

Here are some resources that can help you. chadd.org/about-adhd/profes...

chadd.org/organization-dire...

chadd.org/professional-dire...

chadd.org/adhd-and-covid-19...

chadd.org/for-professionals...

When it comes to medication, you can hold off, first would be to get an assessment, and depending on the diagnose you have options for treatment. If there is anything else you need, please let me know.

Liseth

Health Information Specialist

CHADD's National Resource Center on ADHD

chadd.org

[Adam_C in reply to LisethHIS]

Hi Liseth,

Thanks so much for your kind reply, it really means a lot. I appreciate the links you shared, and I’ll definitely go through the directory and see what might be a good fit. We actually tried speaking with our pediatrician a few weeks ago, but it wasn’t very helpful to be honest… So we’re still looking for someone who takes this seriously and can help us get a proper assessment. Thanks again for taking the time to respond. Just knowing there’s someone out there who understands already helps

Thx!!!

Adam

[Adam_C in reply to LisethHIS]

Good morning! So I talked to the school counselor, and she was honest with me. She said a doctor’s note is fine if we’re talking meds, but it’s not gonna cut it for a 504 plan or IEP. For that, we’d need a full eval with a psychologist. And apparently, if we go through the school, it could take forever. I started looking into private testing here in the LA area and it’s just… insane. We’re talking several thousand dollars, and there’s just no way I can swing that right now. Things have already been tight for a while. I really need your help. If anyone knows of something legit like a serious online evaluation or anything that doesn’t involve a full-blown psych assessment that’s gonna wipe me out financially, I’d be so, so grateful. I’m trying to stay under $1,000, but even that’s a stretch. I just wanna do right by my daughter without drowning in the process. Please, if you’ve been through this or have any advice, I’m all ears.

[LisethHIS in reply to Adam_C]

Good day, Adam_C,

Since you mentioned you live in the LA area, here are some listings you can contact for an ADHD assessment. Ask if you can be put on a wait list if they can't offer an appointment right away.

choc.org/programs-services/...

behavioralhealth.llu.edu/re...

chla.org/general-pediatrics...

semel.ucla.edu/adhd/service...

Here is some 504 information as well that can be helpful.

chadd.org/for-parents/secti...

Evaluation

Section 504 requires a child to have an evaluation before receiving a 504 Plan. An evaluation does not have to be formalized testing, but it must consider information from a variety of sources (parent notes, doctors’ notes if available, test scores, observations, etc.). Decisions about who qualifies for Section 504 cannot be based solely on a single source of data (i.e. a doctor’s diagnosis or grades). A medical diagnosis is NOT required under Section 504. Once a child has been deemed eligible for accommodations, a Section 504 Plan is then developed by a Section 504 committee. Before any significant changes are made to an existing plan, the child should be evaluated again. A significant change in placement includes changes due to disciplinary actions longer than 10 days as well as changes that result from moving from one grade to another.

Parent participation is not an entitlement right under Section 504 as it is under IDEA. Depending on the procedures used by your local school district, parents or legal guardians may or may not have a right to active participation or decision-making through Section 504. Parents should check with their child’s individual school district to determine what their procedure is for implementing Section 504.

Hope this helps, if you need more assistance, please call CHADD at 1800-200-8098 1-5pm ET.

Liseth

Health Information Specialist

CHADD's National Resource Center on ADHD

chadd.org

[lenkebra]

First, I'd like to say how sorry I am for you and your daughters loss. I can only imagine the huge undertaking you have, all the while dealing the many facets of grief.

As a person whose son has ADHD himself, one of the first things we did as parents to assess my son was the utilization of Vanderbilt forms as an observation tool that can be used by your daughters teachers (see attached). This in part helps your pediatrician to diagnose your child with ADHD. It's free. You can contact your child's school to indicate your concerns, and your desire to have her teachers fill out the Vanderbilt forms & go from there. If in fact your child does have ADHD, there are two types: Inattentive and Combined type. My son has combined type which deals with both inattention, impulsivity, and hyperactivity (behavior). A pediatrician, neurologist or child psychologist can best determine which type your daughter is, and a type of treatment plan as a result. Typically, part of treatment is adhd medication - both immediate and extended release versions. These unfortunately, are many times trial and error as to what may best fit your daughter but first things first. And btw, if your daughter does have ADHD, your daughter could very well qualify for accommodations via a 504 plan or an IEP, depending ultimately what is found in regard to possible learning disabilities.

chadd.org/wp-content/upload...

[Adam_C in reply to lenkebra]

Thank you so much for your kind message and for sharing your experience. I didn’t know about the Vanderbilt forms before, so this really helps. I’ll definitely ask her teachers to fill them out. Really appreciate you taking the time, means a lot right now.

[lenkebra in reply to Adam_C]

You are very welcome. Glad to help in any way I can. It's good you are starting the process now as it sets your daughter up nicely for the start of next school year. It is very important as someone mentioned to write (email/letters) to whomever you are dealing with in the school district. It at minimum creates a paper trail, along keeping the district accountable for any services your daughter may be eligible. Bear in mind, this journey is very fluid in nature - especially as kids get older & your daughter is at that pre-teen stage developmentally. That definitely impacts treatment (I can attest lol). As I mentioned before with the possibility of medication, typical adhd medication can curb appetite and create irritability once medication starts to wear off. There are Amphetamine (Adderall for ex.) based medication and Methylphenidate (Ritalin for ex.). Methylphenidate tends to be a "gentler" medication once wearing off (Adderall was terrible for irritability) but there are so many meds out there, along with generic manufacturers (they are not by any means a co-equal to brand name from generic to generic - the stories I could tell). Start to really familiarize yourself with key components of adhd info etc as that makes a big difference when dealing with so many nuances of treatment, along with all things academic. I truly empathize with all on your plate & as a caretaker, please take care of yourself as it is very easy to let that go in the midst of so much. Caretakers need respite too.

I could go on & on, but ask anything you like going forward. I feel like an adhd encyclopedia after all the years going through things with my son. Anything to help others, by all means. Be well

[Molcarm]

Hi, the teachers know or can help you figure out if your daughter has a symptoms of ADHD. Also, under the Individuals with Disabilities Education Act (IDEA), if you suspect your child has ADHD, you have the right to request a free evaluation from your school district.I know because they did to my son. Legally, once you sign and return the assessment plan, the district has 60 days (excluding school breaks of more than 5 days) to complete the evaluation and hold an eligibility meeting to discuss the results.

[Adam_C in reply to Molcarm]

Thanks so much for the info . I really appreciate. The school already told me it could take a very long time, and honestly, I can’t wait that long. So right now I’m looking for a more complete evaluation that’s still somewhat affordable. Thanks again.

[Aspen797]

The squeaky wheel gets the oil. Go back to the pediatrician. Say you are still hearing concerns from her teachers and you would like to have her evaluated. Alternatively, consider a new pediatrician! Some parents have found evaluating ‘around’ the diagnosis also helpful—most occupational therapists (emotional regulation, executive functioning , sensory) and speech therapists (social communication / social skills) initial evaluations are covered by insurance. Of course, check with yours.

Write a letter (instead of phoning) to the school and request an evaluation. Be detailed in describing the issues you are seeing. They are required to assess in all areas of suspected disability. As PP said, they have 60 days to do this. Of course, this won’t help medically, but it should help at school in getting accommodations and/or services.

Every state has (unless funding has now been cut) a federally funded agency to provide information and resources and referral to parents of students with disabilities. They should be able to direct you to low cost options. Find yours here: parentcenterhub.org/find-yo...

[Adam_C in reply to Aspen797]

Thank you so much. I hadn’t heard of the parent centers before, that’s really helpful. I’ll definitely try writing to the school district. Appreciate you taking the time to share this, truly.

[SurvivorFan]

It can be a bit time consuming, but if you log onto your kiddos clinic website, you can browse through all the pediatric docs and see if one's "special interest" is adhd so they would take your concerns more seriously. Or, call the clinic and ask who of the docs treat adhd. Most general physicians do not get much, if any training on adhd, that's why a lot of parents end up having their child seen for medicine management by a pediatric psychiatrist.Your doing great recognizing that your girl needs some extra help. Being her advocate and sometimes having to get a little pushy to get things done is necessary As others stated, have her teachers, your sister, and yourself fill out the free Vanderbilt forms.

Pediatric neurologists (again double check on website or call to see which ones have experience treating adhd) can also be helpful if you can't get into a child psychiatrist. This is what we did for a year while we waited.

An incredible parent online training that is very reasonable ($20 a month) is Ryan Wexelblatt aka ADHD dude. Gave me a lot of practical information that really has helped. You go at your own pace. The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends parent training, school support through IEP or 504 and medication management for adhd. Your doing great and by you starting the process, your showing her how much you love her🩷