Diagnosed with a Large AN (4.6 cm)

[Ursus_thibetanus]

I have been diagnosed with a large acoustic neuroma (4.6 cm), and unfortunately, surgery is the only option for a tumor of this size. Although I don’t experience balance issues, vertigo, or tinnitus, I struggle with brain fog and feel extremely depressed. My surgery is scheduled for 40 days from now, but the waiting period is weighing heavily on me. Thinking about the future and life after surgery only deepens my depression. I’m also anxious about whether I’ll be able to continue my job afterward, and I've started considering alternative careers, such as teaching. Do you have any advice on managing this depression and anxiety during this time?

[StrugglingSpouse]

It is a really hard time. Living with the monster of the diagnosis and surgery makes for a heavy weight. I really get you. Is the depression caused by the AN or as a result of having this looming challenge weighing you down?

I don't know if anti depressants would be helpful and allowed but maybe tell your consultant how you're feeling. There may be some support.

Additionally, could you do something special this month to fill this time with a good experience? What is it you've always wanted to do, or enjoy doing?

I'm thinking travel, because travel is my favourite pastime, but there are plenty other special hobbies if travel isn't yours. Find your love and do it. Give yourself a special experience. Double check with your consultant to make sure it's safe if necessary. But look at it now as self care time for a special person going through something hard and deserving of a good experience

Hugs and care.

We're thinking of you and rooting for you

[Ursus_thibetanus in reply to StrugglingSpouse]

Studies suggest that AN (Acoustic Neuroma) can contribute to depression, though there is often a psychological component involved as well. I'm not entirely sure which is the case for me, but I suspect it might be a combination of both. I started taking antidepressants yesterday, so we'll see if they help. Hiking used to be my favorite activity, but now I feel like I don't have the energy for such adventures.

I'm also receiving gentamicin injections, which are meant to deliberately damage my vestibular nerve in order to train my brain. I appreciate your suggestion—finding an enjoyable and productive way to spend this time is something I need to work on. If the brain fog lifts a bit, I might try writing a booklet about my past hiking expeditions. Thank you so much for your kind words and support.

[StrugglingSpouse in reply to Ursus_thibetanus]

You sound very well organised and clear. You're doing very well!

I hope the antidepressants help you.

Perhaps a bit of walking or a very short hike or even sitting outdoors in the woods or similar could give you the enjoyment similar to hiking.

I would love to read your hiking experiences when you get them down.

Wishing you to feel much better very fast

[Colejoe1]

I had surgery 5years ago to debulk a large AN. I returned to work after 3 months although I do now work part time and never push my self too much other than that I still do everything I did before my surgery. Make sure you do the balance exercises they give you and take life a day at a time . Be kind to yourself and you will come through it

[Ursus_thibetanus in reply to Colejoe1]

I'm mentally prepared for three months, but I hope it doesn't last longer than that. Thanks for sharing your experience.

[Alison_L]

Wait until after your surgery before thinking about another huge change like a new career. Hopefully you will find you can get back into your current job after a few months with no changes, or only small adjustments. But once you've fully recovered, then you can think about teaching. 40 days will quickly pass - look, it's only 38 now!

(I love the fact that you're in the UK, your spellings of tumor and favorite suggest you're American, and you've taken on the name of the Asian bear. Truly global )

[Ursus_thibetanus in reply to Alison_L]

When I was a child, my mother used to call me bear, and the nickname stuck. Soon, even my school friends were calling me that. I've always had a fondness for bears, so when I joined this platform, I thought, why not go with the name I was once known by? But it seems everyone is fond of bears, and the only name that wasn’t already taken was Asian Bear. Haha. You're right—two days have already passed, and the rest will pass too. And I shouldn’t be thinking too much about future right now. That’s the beauty of this platform, it gives you hope in moments when you’re feeling hopeless. Thanks for making me smile.

[Alison_L in reply to Ursus_thibetanus]

I watch the brown bears at Katmai, Alaska, on webcam (explore.org). They're fattening up for the winter now