Is my menopause responsible for feelings of... - Above & Beyond
Is my menopause responsible for feelings of advancing depression/anxiety ?
Although hormonal changes can contribute to depression and anxiety, these can also be compounded by other changes taking place then, such as the realisation you will never have children, children leaving home, deteriorating health of parents and awareness of our own aging. Also, depression can occur independently of these.
A GP visit is a good idea, and counselling - either NHS or private, can be of help.
Ann
Hi, you wonder whether the menopause can be responsible for your feelings? My answer is yes, definitely. Being able to have children is central to the female identity and a loss of the ability to have children raises identity issues centering around what it is to be a woman
It can be depressing to realise our childbearing years are over. You don't say whether you've had children, but I imagine the menopause will be more depressing if you haven't. It will mean you having to come to terms with never being able to have a child and that may raise all sorts of anxieties about whether you have ever been sufficiently desirable by a man for him to want to have a child with you. If you don't have any children you may find talking to someone helpful as that can be difficult to come to terms with.
Being able to have children brought meaning to my life. It meant there was some purpose to my existence. Before that I felt it might have been better if I had not been born at all.
My father only ever wanted a boy. His first child was a girl and he felt proud at having a child at all, particularly as she was a compliant child and caused no problems. When I was born I was a disappointment to him - he wanted a boy. As a result I never felt pretty as a child. As a teenager I discovered males wanted my body, I never felt attractive but I did at least feel wanted, even if it was for my body. I came to believe men had only wanted me because they were driven biologically to impregnate me with their sperm, because I could produce their children. I didn't feel loved because I was ME a person, whether or not I could have babies. The menopause has brought about a shift in my identity as a woman.
Since the menopause I still can't easily imagine any man desiring me, loving me, although logically I know they may do because they have aged too. I see my body sagging, feel I'm no longer a woman but just a deteriorating body - I'm still in therapy trying to shift that unloveable feeling. You do not say whether you are in a relationship with a man, if you are whether he still finds you desirable, if he does perhaps you wonder if he is only interested in your body, not you, if he doesn't perhaps you wonde whether he loves you, whether he ever has loved you...
For me, being a mum was stressful and exhausting but meaningful. Having children brought meaning to my life despite the exhaustion and stress of mothering. Knowing I would never be able to have another child was painful. I wonder whether you feel a sense of loss and feel anxious because feelings of loss bring back fear of other feelings of loss. .
However illogical, it is normal to respond to a change such as the menopause. It's a major milestone in our lives, as great as childbith. The feelings you describe are normal but if you feel you need help then talking with a counsellor is likely to help.
Suex
.
