How to process my ex's abusive insults that still linger?

[greenpasture]

My ex-boyfriend of one year has said many harsh words to me, including "stop acting like a bitch," "imbecile," "infant," "shut the fuck up," "I'm so tired of you," "go away," "fuck off." It's shocking and extremely triggering to hear these words because my dad also used to curse at my mom regularly and they were divorced. Even though I know it's the right thing to break up with him and he was the one that broke up with me, I still miss him and want to get back together. I also burst into tears and cry for hours every night just thinking about how loving and affectionate he was to me and even wanted to marry me, but has been so cruel and verbally abusive as well - I just can't process how and why all these things happened. I need help to not continue to be affected by his insults and to move on.

[evilspicy]

The old saying "sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me" is such a falsehood. Words can completely tear you apart, especially coming from someone you love. While I hate what you are going through, I'm glad that he is your EX boyfriend, because that is toxic behavior and you deserve so much better. I understand that it can be hard to let someone you love go, but I'm sure you know that it's not okay for you to be treated like that. Just keep telling yourself that you deserve to be with someone who treats you with respect, with compassion, and who doesn't say awful things to you or judge you. Keep putting one foot in front of the other and tell yourself that your not going to allow anyone to treat you poorly. It can be hard to be alone, but it is so much better than being in a toxic relationship with someone who verbally beats you down. There is someone out there who wants you just the way you are and will treat you the way you deserve to be treated, just hang in there and invest some time and effort into loving and caring for yourself. I have faith that

you will get on the right track. Thoughts and prayers to you.

[greenpasture in reply to evilspicy]

Thank you so much for your encouragement and advice! I have faith that things will get better little by little and I can grow from this relationship more emotionally mature and discerning.

[Natsteveo]

Hi sweetheart

I was in a very abusive relationship years ago before I met my husband i was physically and mentally abused by him I would rather him physically abuse me than mentally because it hurt much more mentally..

Youre not missing him youre missing the harsh words as crazy as that sounds you've got so used to it and the thing is you have to train your mind that that behaviour isn't even acceptable..you deserve to be loved and hugged and kissed and told you are beautiful and you mean the absolute world to that one person not abusive words like you've had..that is toxic behaviour and very narcissistic you deserve so much better than that you are better off without him and his words I dodnt realise until I met my husband who tells me everyday he loves me that I'm beautiful 😍 its took me along time to accept that I am worthy alot more than physically and emotionally abuse especially by someone who doesn't even like himself...take time to love yourself and grow you're confidence and that guy will be a distant memory soon

[greenpasture in reply to Natsteveo]

Thank you so much for your sharing and encouragement! I know his behavior was abusive but I also grew dependent on him and felt really lonely and helpless without him. But I know it's wrong to settle for this because I'll only be more miserable down the road because he won't just change. I do have hope that over time I'll become stronger on my own and learn to love myself more.

[momofjust2boys]

Have you considered sitting down and envisioning the relationship you want, the life you want to lead? Then see how your boyfriend measures up. That might give you some insight as to what to do. Please post back and let us know how things go. We are here for you!

[kenster1 Moderator]

hi what it is you miss is when the good times where good the bad times are the right reasons to end a relationship but somehow we cling on to the better days.its only been a year so these thoughts will still be fresh and harder to get over if your being held back by the virus.filling up your time as best you can will help but hopefully the experience makes you stronger.

[greenpasture in reply to kenster1]

Thank you for your reply! Yeah it's especially hard as I'm living alone and can't see any colleagues, family friends in person because of covid. The loneliness just makes this post-breakup void bigger. I'm trying to fill up my time but just end up doing a mixture of sleeping, crying and watching tv.