I’m bi and maybe in love with my best straight friend

[Asuka44]

Warning, i am venting. I know this is not really how forums work but I already know i’ll do nothing about it so I’m not looking for people to give me advices on what to do. She is amazing, she is the only person to have ever really cared about me. She accepted me and listened to me. She’s the one that make me smile and laugh. I guess this is kinda cliché but well that’s how I feel. She’s my person, the one i’d do pretty much everything for. Understand it or not, i just need to say it, to get it out ya know since I won’t be able to tell anyone. I'm telling myself that it’s just friendship and that I don’t really love her. I never loved anyone, hate my parents and never actually liked pretty much everyone because they feel fake. She’s not, one of the things i really like about her is that she’s too frank with people for her own good, she doesn’t like someone or something she says it. Anyways I’m kinda starting to think this isn’t friendship but what do I know. I’m not a really good person, a bit of a self centred shit, but i’d do anything to protect her. She told me her biggest secret, there is someone in her head, her nightmares, trying to kill her and it killed me that I can’t protect her because I can’t punch an asshole that doesn’t exist. But what i’m really here to say is that, well, she told me that she couldn’t picture herself with another woman and the fact that my chest tightened gave me a hint about my feelings. Then I though about what I thought of her and I want to be with her, i miss her even if i texted her a few hours ago. Damn covid-19. So yeah that’s it I want to be with her, i always think about her but i’ll never get to let her know. I’m her only friend right now because people don’t see what i see in her. I’m sad about that but also kinda of glad because i’m just a little bit the jealous kind (not in the obsessive way (at least I hope so)). She makes me feel like i belong with her (as friend), i close my eyes, i see her and I feel kinda warm, I’m not used to it but for the little moment it last I can breathe like never before and I love it. I’m also very afraid she’s going to kill herself or something someday because of what she told me and the fact that I’ll have to leave her alone in a school with people that don’t get her because we’re not going to the same one. I’m so scared to loose her. I keep picturing loosing her in different horrible ways and she won’t go to a professional for the thing in her mind and I’ve never been the anxious kind but I am now. Well that’s it, its good to vent. Thank you if you read til the end and I sure won’t be mad if you didn’t. I hope yall find someone like her but that shares your feelings.

[Natsteveo]

Hi there

Sounds very complicated but actually quite understandable...

A friendship makes the best relationship I was best mates with my husband for 10 years and was in love with him from the 3rd month in our friendship but waited for 10 years to tell him...she says she can’t see herself with another woman well maybe she won’t then but maybe because of the spirit she has and her lovely personality is what you love because she’s ballzy and she tells people how it is you like that kind of thing and like you say she’s your person sounds like your her person too you understand each other and are there for each other so what will be will be take your time everything happens for a reason sweetie but I think your beating yourself up for no reason she will be around regardless because she cares

Nat

[Hidden]

I think its great u have a friend like that in your life😊

Take each day as it comes because" u never know" what tomorrow will bring.

Maybe one day u will be able to express ur feelings to her!?