From Intrusive Thought to Self Harm

[scorpiodog]

I have recently managed to get support from my local Psychiatric team, this was pushed through by my GP as she was concerned about my self- harm.

The first problem I encountered, which is common for us Tourette’s sufferers, was that I didn’t quite fit the categories and symptoms that they deal with.

I was asked “do I want to harm myself” to which I answered “no”. This then meant, in their eyes, I was not self-harming.

The local psychiatric team found a way to fit me in and offer support for this problem. I feel very lucky as most people just find they are moved on.

This experience started me thinking, that I do not self-harm as such so my injuries should not be classified so.

Also it’s not really OCD, yet another category my injuries don’t fit into.

So I thought why does this condition, related to my Tourette’s have to fit into a category that’s already there. This is surely is a condition in its own right and the biggest hurdle in being diagnosed/misdiagnosed is people trying to fit us in with other disorders that exist.

This makes no sense as Tourette’s has been described as the most complex of disorders so why should then try to fit all aspects in with other conditions.

I have come to the conclusion I have a disorder that starts with an intrusive thought and ends with harm to myself, unless I use avoidance techniques which do not always work.

Also I do not like or desire the pain or look for attention. I try to hide my injuries and normally forget I’ve carried out the act after a short period of time.

It is the bit in between the intrusive thought and the harm that has no understanding and makes me feel this a whole different disorder of its own and maybe should recognised as such so that everyone who experiences this is not misunderstood or misdiagnosed.

I feel the intrusive thought starts an obsessive inquisitive process to carry out the act to satisfy the need to see if the imagined result to the action is true even if the result is harmful.

The hardest part of any disorder is explaining what it feels like and what drives it, finding the words is very hard as sometimes there are no words to describe what is actually going on.