I don't like change :(

As I am on the autistic spectrum, I find change very difficult to deal with. I have struggled quite a bit this week with various things, including worsening tics and seizures. I finally began to feel better yesterday after a tic and seizure free day. I went with my support to Learn Direct and I am going to do an IT course. More to remind me how to do things than to learn new things. Later we went to Argos and finally replaced the decrepit pile of plastic and metal which was once our hoover. The new hoover brought me great pleasure as I sucked up every little crumb from our two carpeted lounges!

Later, however (I won't go into too much detail because I am complaining) there was a phone call to our house to say that someone was coming to stay for a week. 1. We don't have a spare room (only the staff sleep-in room), 2. I need A LOT more than five minutes notice and 3. We as residents of the house should have at least SOME say in who 'lodges' at our house. I entered an autistic meltdown. First I ran around the garden screeching and kicking an American football (I found it in a bush). Then I passed out on the grass (apparently had a seizure), got up, fell down again, ran to my bedroom, threw water down the stairs (not entierly sure why...) then smeared tomato ketchup all over the walls. The ketchup was a sensory thing as it was helping me to calm down. The ketchup also went all over my clothes which I stripped off in the middle of the hallway and the end result was that I was rocking on the floor in my underwear unable to speak. I had another seizure whilst on the floor as well. (they seem to be caused by stress rather than epilepsy as I don't have epilepsy).

M came up with me to my bedroom and tried to talk to me. My auditory processing was completely out of whack at this point so he may as well have been speaking Mandarin Chinese. Eventually I was able to grab a pen and paper to write what my brain felt like. IT WAS EXPLODING! M passed me some trousers and a top which I put on then I loaded my netbook up and communicated with that instead. Later, when I calmed down me and the staff amused ourselves by writing dirty words/phrases in the text to speech generator! Later though I had yet another seizure, this one two minutes long. Apparently during the seizure someone had picked me up and put me on a chair because that's where I came round. It was weird. Later I became manic and ran out into the front garden to get a 'tree' (it was a branch) to bring into the house. I don't know why.

Today has been better although I still feel as if I am bottling up a LOT of anger and frustration. I am a bit worried it will come out later and no one will know why. That's the trouble with autism, the meltdowns often happen hours (or days) after the incident which caused it. I went to the library and got some more books (I loooove reading even though it is difficult!), had a Scotch egg (veggie of course) and an ice lolly from the Italian lady in Bedford who shouts 'you want ice cream!?' This time she recognised me and said 'you want lemonade lolly?' Lemonade lolly was nice. My Tourettes caused great amusement later on as every expletitive under the sun decided to pop out (a lot relating to an object which sounds a lot like 'Bilboe' without the baggins!). Luckily I don't mind people laughing with me now as it is quite funny.

One last thing before I retire to bed (I can't stay up past 10:30!). I am leaving my job. It is not all bad though as I am hoping to carry on working for Wood Green, but in their St. Neot's charity shop instead. If I get a job there then I will stop going to the shelter. I am very upset about this, but I am making myself ill every week worrying 'am I going to be able to go this week?' because there is only one person who can take me and he doesn't always get paid on time (shakes fist at management) so can't afford petrol. I can get a bus for free to St. Neots which is better plus I might get to see some of my old friends who live there. Anyway I shouldn't get my hopes up just yet, I need to be accepted first!

Yours sleepily

Little Clapham

(was that too formal?)

3 Replies

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  • I think your ketchup episode would leave me with the ebeejeebees, I hate food in the wrong place, at least in my catering jobs if food got into the wrong place it was cleaned up pronto and one can work wonders with an industrial sized dishwasher, condiment bottles being my worst, it always thought it was really scanky when collegues would refill a conidment bottle without it going through the boiling, industrial dishwasher. However picking up food items off the floor I'd have to use some kind of impliment to do it, whilst working at a certain burger place I figured out a way of cleaning a toilet without touching it - genius.

    You should have a regular person give you a lift, at the place where I do voluntary work, the people who come along live in similar set ups to yourself and always come with the same carers who stick around for a coffee and a muffin and read the paper and just hang out. The charity shop sounds fun as well, it's a shame that you can't prehaps do both?

  • It looks like I will be doing both! M told me that another support worker has offered to take me every second Saturday! I can get the bus to st. Neots so that's not a problem. I might even get a third one here in Bedford! I need more to do because I can't go to college (not including Learn Direct) and I end up in the town centre all the time impulse spending...

  • Sorted!

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