AAAARGH!

I think the title sums it up. ARGH! Definitely.

Went back to work on Monday after being off because initially my tics were bad, and then they were a bit unstable with added med side effects. I thought things were improving enough, so I phoned in and asked to return. I'm stubborn with the TS, I know this. I really hate being off of work. It's boring, it breeds depression and it makes me feel completely useless.

Monday went ok, was a little twitchy - to be expected - but nothing I couldn't handle. Tuesday was a little worse but OK aside from a slight white-out and having to be guided to somewhere to sit down in a bit of a confused state afterwards. Wednesday was hell. I was a mess before I even left the house. The bus journey felt like torture, trying to mind my own business while at the same time feeling trapped and like some sort of amusing show for people to watch.

By the time I got to work my motor tics were unbearable, and the vocals were also through the roof. But I thought to myself "No, bugger this, I'm going to keep going." and carried on.

Took about half an hour to get myself calmed enough to start work, and less than an hour later I was outside the hospital gates having a series of cigarettes because it went through the roof again. Again, I got myself calm.

Hoping that was the end of it, I took myself and my slightly subdued tics back into the clean-room again to continue working. About an hour later it was back at an even worse level. At one point my back arching tic made me land on my head on the floor. Headbutting tic seemed back in full force, impacted my head into my locker, several doors and a couple of walls.

So now I'm at home again. Signed off for another week by my doctor. And work told me that because I have a sicknote for a week they don't want me in until it's up, even though I asked if I could come back on Monday if I can get things calmed down enough.

Meds are going up a dose today.

I don't know what to do. My body feels ruined, back hurts, sprained ankle from the stupid drop and jump tic, general aches and pains. Starting to get depressed again. Trying to remain my usual happy-go-lucky sunshine-filled self but it's getting harder at the moment.

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