(that's me trying to copy Catherine's use of song titles as blog titles!)
I felt like writing a blog about suppressing tics, and how it feels to suppress. I can only do complete suppression for a few seconds, but I can keep a low level of suppression for a while longer. To suppress makes me feel tense and uncomfortable – tension in the area of the tic, tension in my whole body, and tension in my brain as I try to stop doing something my body is forcing me to do. I put a lot of effort into suppressing my tics every day. This is either suppressing by trying to stop the tic completely, or what I call disguising, which is, when I can feel which tic is coming, when I slow the tic down and try to transform it into something else, like brushing hair from my eyes with my elbow held a little higher than necessary, or bending down to check my shoelaces are tied a few too many times. Turning tics into socially acceptable nervous habits may be obvious to other people living with Tourette’s, but most people don’t suspect, or at least I like to think they don’t. Different touretters are able to achieve different levels of suppression, and there is only so far I am able to do so, but it is useful in some situations. Tics can be painful, take up time and get me into trouble, and so in some situations it is almost necessary to suppress, either for myself or for others. But still I have Tourette’s – if I am not ticcing I am not free.