I’m a Woman in the Prime of Her Life who Needs Love Squeezings

I’m a Woman in the Prime of Her Life who Needs Love Squeezings

For the second time today I’ve been abandoned (off to the pub without me), but I’m getting used to it. The first abandonment occurred outside Wallsgrave hospital this afternoon leaving me to get my tongue examined, the outcome being that the offending nodule needs to be taken off, in most circumstances this would be done under a local anaesthetic but me of course being unable to stay still for 15 minutes would need to be put under a general anaesthetic….oh joy! I explain this to him and the fact that he’ll have to look after me for 24 hours afterwards and he replies “Don’t you think I’ve got enough to do?” ggggrrrrrr.

Later on an evening meal isn’t forthcoming so I find a tin of minestrone soup in the back of the larder. Between clapping, slapping, thumping, whistling etc I manage to warm it up to which I get told “Will you shut the F^$& up, you’re doing my F^%$£*(g head in and you’re scaring the cat!” double ggggrrrrrr!!!! I’m so angry I cry into my minestrone, I want to go home.

I’m felling a bit fed up, to quote Eleanor (see picture) “I’m a woman in the prime of her life who needs love squeezings” and it just ain’t happening for the last few months, I seem to be a bit of a man repellent and I’m not sure why, could it be my slightly larger than average nose? The Cellulite? Is it because I need to wax my legs? Or is it because “Lads never make passes at lasses in glasses”? The real reason I suspect is the fact that my tics worse. I’m an embarrassment, a freak, and who wants a freak like me? Maybe me and my sister-in-law should have carried out our plan to kidnap Noel Fielding, we decided sensibly to abandon that plan, we did consider as a second choice Russell Brand as he probably would go along with our plan but he’s been around a bit, we don’t know where he’s been (sorry Russell). In reality I shouldn’t have to resort to kidnapping comedians ( although Bret Mackenzie (Flight of the Conchords) and Chris Addison have also been considered) I should be with a man who loves me for who I am, can block out tics, understands me, supports me and also has a good sense of humour. Unfortunately my other half can’t seem to keep up with the Mosey wit. So if you know of any cute men who could make me laugh who doesn’t care about my tics, please let me know. (Some time in the future maybe).

Not so long a go me and a ticcy friend (male) were in a pub having some lunch washed down with a pint or two when to prove the point that men were more shallow than women, I’d do a little pub based survey. I asked the girls next to me “Would you date a man with Tourette’s?” all five of them said they would, it wouldn’t make any difference to them. When entering a relationship women tend to not just consider what he looks like but personality plays a huge part, if there’s no chemistry, there’s no point. I then asked then men “Would you date a girl with Tourette’s?” ALL the men I asked were straight to the point, NO! Sadly I suspect that isn’t just the attitude of a few men in a Camden pub but the predominant attitude of men up and down the country, (Including my other half) methinks finding a nice new (fit) fella could be a challenge.

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  • Sorry if this is too personal, but seriously why are you with this guy?

    I think I'm waiting for a fellow touretter as a spouse; helps get around the acceptance of it!