This is in a way a continuation of last nights thoughts on C4’s “Undatables”. Some may think it’s a bit weird that I’ve been having a go at internet dating yet I’m in a relationship. To some it may seem complicated and feel free to judge certainly if I was somebody else looking in at my life my grey matter would be ticking over, it’s just its quite difficult. In the eyes of my partner since getting his “feet under the kitchen table” has relaxed his attitude towards maintaining a healthy sexual relationship and employment, knowing that I like to work, I thrive in an environment where I am needed and I’m playing my part in society. Since my TS has worsened and finding another job has become increasingly difficult his resentment towards me has increased, he’s not one to play ball with the DWP and is not happy about having to jump through the hoops that the government like the unemployed to jump through. Well, that’s just tough s**t, you have to take the rough with the smooth and I like many other unemployed people I have dropped my expectations with regards to my next job. Some people haven’t. At the moment he relishes the fact that I’m now on ESA, but not the fact that I maybe too depressed to do the washing up, from a financial point of view life with a ticcer is rosy “How will they know to pay it into my account” (his reaction to my successful DLA application).
We went shopping yesterday, I have started to loath shopping, I could think of 101 other things I’d rather do such as gouging my eyes out with hot pokers. It’s not so much the shopping as such, it’s the fact that he doesn’t like to be seen with me, ticcing away, he declares “I wish I had a normal girlfriend” and such supporting words when a particularly loud tic pops out as “You’ll be f******g sorry if you do that again!”.
However, we have come to the agreement that we aren’t meant to be, unfortunately neither of us can afford to move, I actually own the majority of the furniture, my dad is our guarantor, really I should take the hard-line and pack his stuff up and throw it out, but he’s ALWAYS around, he never goes out. So you can see now why I’ve been on the lookout for a new man. One that doesn’t see me as a cash cow, but as a person with feelings.