I Don't Know What's Happening to Me... *TRIGGER WARNING*

[SilentSinger55]

This post is going to be all over the place so, bare with me...

I've had issues with minor bulimia in the past but the was when I was 13 and I was into all of that messed up "pro ana/mia" bs. Anyway, I've struggled with body image all of my life, always being surrounded by girls that were thinner than me at school and wondering why I looked so different. About three months ago, I'd guess, I noticed that I started eating less. It started out really small. I stopped eating breakfast, and then I would only have small lunches with small snacks when I got home. When quarantine started, I ate a little more because I was around my family a lot and they would always be watching me, I guess. But about a week into quarentine, I stopped eating breakfast again. I started having a big snack around the late afternoon and then dinner. Then I stopped accepting seconds at dinner. Within another week, I had gone to only eating a tiny snack and a regular portion at dinner. Then, about two weeks ago, it was like I woke up one day and something clicked in my brain. I no longer find food enjoyable. In fact, I would say I'm frightened of it. When I'm called down for dinner, I have to compose myself before leaving the comfort of my bedroom. I am always the last person at the table and I fight with my parents over my portions. I have even started counting my calories. Food is on my mind 24/7. I went on a walk with my friends today and the whole time I was trying to enjoy myself but I kept going back to the Snickers bar in my pocket and how I was going to get rid of it. I feel bad because I ended up ripping it up and throwing it in the weeds lining the road as we walked, implying that they can't tell anybody.

My parents think I'm just trying to lose weight but that's not it. I don't know what it is. I've always wanted to lose weight but I know that this isn't a healthy way to do it. My dad even had the audacity to tell me that he 'understands'. I don't even understand!!! I don't know what the hell is happening to me!!! It's only been two weeks since it got bad and it's already consuming me!!! I don't know what to do...

[lillyofthevalley37]

Sounds like anorexia has sneaked into you, some people get a voice telling them not to eat and giving them advice on how to lose weight others just experience a change like you are

To get rid of it is really hard and the biggest problem is that you may not want to get rid of it -if someone said I can get rid of it would you choose to go back to normal or not ?

My daughter had anorexia and we found that praying to Jesus made it go away it tried to get back in so we had to pray again but thankfully she is free from it now

[SilentSinger55 in reply to lillyofthevalley37]

I don't think I'm anorexic because I am overweight and I don't get a voice. I've heard others talk about having a little voice in their heads that seems to control them but I just don't think it's what's happening to me which is why I'm so confused. And, honestly, I don't know if I'd want to go back to normal. I'm just scared because my parents are threatening to send me back to treatment (i've been for other mental health related reasons) and I don't know what to do... Thank you for replying! I hope all is well for you and your daughter! ❤

[Mijmijkey74 in reply to lillyofthevalley37]

That's a really freaky thing to say about praying to Jesus and he made it go away. I don't think that's helpful to be telling a young person who is struggling at all. Stop the brain washing religion nonsense. Your daughter recovered through her own sheer determination nothing to do with Jesus at all! Praise your Daughter not Jesus!

Jesus does not make illnesses or conditions go away. It is the person's own determination that makes them recover. The power of prayer away from the patient unless they request it can be energising for them to know about, give them a boost, otherwise if not asked for and done repeatedly around the person that is freaky and very deluded and overwhelming in a negative way for the unwell person fighting a private personal battle with determination to recover with their will and sheer grit.

[lillyofthevalley37 in reply to Mijmijkey74]

I am just saying what happened my daughter and I prayed to Jesus and the anorexic voice went away

I am well within my legal rights to talk of this experience no one has to believe it

UK is a Christian country btw

You have no right to bully me ?

[SilentSinger55 in reply to lillyofthevalley37]

I do respect your religion but I also have to agree with everything she said. I do not believe she was trying to bully you in any way, she was simply stating her beliefs, which is also allowed. I don't live in the UK btw, and that shouldn't be relevant as this is not a sight dedicated to residents of that country. I'm sorry you felt that you were being bullied but just as you have a right to state your beliefs, so does everyone else.

I'm happy that you and your daughter can find comfort in your religion and prayers.❤

[lillyofthevalley37 in reply to SilentSinger55]

Good luck with your recovery you're gonna need it

[Mijmijkey74 in reply to SilentSinger55]

I'm not sure what you mean with this site not being dedicated to people of the UK? No it's dedicated to all users wherever in the world they live and look to for support. I certainly as you stated you believed me not to be doing wasn't bullying her at all. I found it very strange and stated so. That was my opinion as she is also well entitled to her own. I'm definitely not a bully. Have strong opinions but definitely not a bully. Bullying & bullies disgust me! Bullies often hide out in religion.

[Mijmijkey74 in reply to lillyofthevalley37]

I wasn't bullying you at all. Yes you are within your legal rights to talk of that experience. Though even using the term legal rights sounds a little loopy! I'm well aware the UK is a Christian country but not only Christian. And I really don't care what religions are within the UK that wasn't what my commenting was about.

Are you American by chance?

[lillyofthevalley37 in reply to Mijmijkey74]

No I live in UK born and bred- and you ?

[SilentSinger55 in reply to lillyofthevalley37]

I really don't want to sound rude but would you guys mind taking this conversation to a private chat or something? I posted here for advice, not to argue about religion and politics.

[crazycrossstitcher]

My anorexia took hold in exactly the way you describe - started just cutting extras - then suddenly cut out just about everything - couldn't face eating with others - had a love hate relationship with food - and my weight dropped rapidly. At this difficult time I find it hard to advise as you really need to see your GP and get an ED referral URGENTLY - Anorexia and Bulimia Care and BEAT also have helplines. This is an illness which needs treatment IMMEDIATELY - and I say that as someone who has been where you are and knows how ill you can become in a very short space of time - so please please do ring your GP and get some help NOW.