Ana

[shortstack016]

Is it bad that I didnt eat for an entire day??? Does that mean Ana is back???

[crazycrossstitcher]

Depends on why you didn't eat - were you unwell or did you make a decision to stop eating? If you find the not eating becomes a pattern then you need to think about getting help.

[shortstack016 in reply to crazycrossstitcher]

I made the decision to not eat

[crazycrossstitcher in reply to shortstack016]

Then I think its time you talked to someone about your decision - what was behind it - the anorexic voice can be very strong - don't let it take you back into that void again.

[shortstack016 in reply to crazycrossstitcher]

Im talking to someone I love about my decision. It was ana telling me that I wasnt skinny enough and I would always compare myself to other girls.

[crazycrossstitcher in reply to shortstack016]

glad your talking to someone and you recognise when ana is taking over.

[shortstack016 in reply to crazycrossstitcher]

I know that Ana is back and I know that she is trying to pull me back under but I really dont want to go back to how I used to be.

[Audash in reply to shortstack016]

It is hard not to relapse when we see everywhere "it's in winter that we build our summer body". It is in my mind everyday...

[shortstack016 in reply to Audash]

Right. During the summer will be more of struggle because of wanting to have our summer body.

[Audash in reply to shortstack016]

So True

[shortstack016 in reply to Audash]

But see its so hard to explain to the people around you because all Ive ever been told was "just eat", when it isnt that easy. I just wish Ana would leave me alone.

[Audash in reply to shortstack016]

That is true. My relatives were also worried when i said i don't want to eat this or this. But if i feel bad to eat that piece of bread, it's my feeling. I don't want to feel bad 2 days straight about this bread just for them to be happy like during 5min. It makes my father angry but sorry i just can bear my overshooting weight anymore, it's just to hard to leave in this body i hate

[shortstack016 in reply to Audash]

I feel horrible whenever I eat anything and I know I worked really hard to get where Im at but honestly ya I am just tired cause I dont want to feel this way and feel bad about eating food. Right, its like I dont want to feel this way but I do and I cant help it.

[Audash in reply to shortstack016]

Exactly the same for me. Always in my mind. And sometimes i get cravings as well. I really don't want to relapse but it 's really like i can't live with this body anymore. It's not me, i don't recognize myself

[shortstack016 in reply to Audash]

I dont want to relapse either and I find it easier to just binge eat than to try and relapse and I dont like that either cause I dont want to keep binging ans binging. I can hardly look in the mirror cause I dont recognize who I see in the mirror anymore.

[Audash in reply to shortstack016]

do you understand why you sometimes binge ?

I know that for me is when I "allow" me to eat, then it's hard to stop. For example, I will eat like more or less clean the all week and I will be at a friend on saturday and so for exemple with pizza and i will allow myself to eat it and then it's really hard to stop eating. I need to wait for the "crisis" to pass...

[shortstack016 in reply to Audash]

I always say its cause Im stress eating. Cause I used to have a bad habit of that in the past and it stopped for a couple of years then after my recovery and up till this point I always say thats what it is but I feel like thats not the case. When I eat I feel like I have to keep eating and eating and go find more. I feel like when there is food in front of me then I have to eat it even though I dont have to. I dont have any self control when it comes to binge eating. It gets worse over the weekend cause I always tell myself that "I will start exercising on Monday" and then it doesnt happen.

[Audash in reply to shortstack016]

I stuggle also with exercising, i always told myself i should do more and i feel bad when i don't exercise

[shortstack016 in reply to Audash]

I feel bad when I dont but I feel really bad when I do exercise

[Audash in reply to shortstack016]

Physically bad when you don't ? Or just mentally ?

[shortstack016 in reply to Audash]

Mentally