Bad?

[shortstack016]

Is it bad that I wish that I could go back and be skinny like I was when I was anorexic???

[Audash]

I feel the same. Two weeks ago i was at my heaviest weight ever. I feel so bad. When i put cloths on, all I can see is my belly. I overshoot my weight by far..

So guess what, i'm dieting again. I hope more "cleverly" this time

[shortstack016 in reply to Audash]

Im at the weight ive always wanted to get close to. Even though im still underweight I should feel good, I just dont because when I was tryin to gain weight I got bigger in my thighs and stomach and I just hate how I look so its so hard right not to go back.

[Audash in reply to shortstack016]

If you give time, the weight is redistribuating. It happens to me already. I have no more the pregnant look for sure. (it was the hardest part of the recovery for me i think, a colleagues asked me when i Will get my baby and i was so hurt...) but i took 30kg during my recovery and it's just too hard to deal with. Do you get your periods back ? Me still not :(:(

[shortstack016 in reply to Audash]

Yes I get them back, but they are so off track and I never know when they're coming. Sometimes I go a little more than a month without them and then when I get them my emotions go all over the place and I still feel that way even after my periods.

[Audash in reply to shortstack016]

So that's already a good point. It means you are in the good direction ! For me it 's everyday a deception to see that no, not yet

[lillyofthevalley37]

No it isn't bad it's what Ana told you was the best thing ever - to look like a skeleton

but it isn't sustainable ? It is unhealthy and unrealistic dam Ana for feeding your mind with such harmful health goals

Focus on the real you not the anorexic version of you

[shortstack016 in reply to lillyofthevalley37]

It is a hard battle to fight the thoughts that Ana tought me. But you guys helping me on here does help a lot so thank you!💙💙💙

[crazycrossstitcher]

Weight can be restored but the thinking often lags behind which leaves you with the feelings you are currently expressing. Its at times like this we really need to focus back on just how bad things were - being thin was no answer and was physically destroying you. Are you getting any counselling support - if not suggest you ask for some - or ring ABC and talk to them - as for a befriender - whatever you do don't let the anorexia beat you back - you've come so far and done so well - don't let go now.

[shortstack016 in reply to crazycrossstitcher]

You're response has helped me. It made me think that ya look how far I came from hair loss and looking like a skeleton to being 106 lbs now and actually being able to run. Most of the time I think that it would be a waste to throw all my hard work away. That part of me is a little bit stronger than my Anorexia side which is a good thing so I will continue to push for that side to always be stronger. So thank you so much for responding!!!

[crazycrossstitcher]

So glad you've kicked the anorexic thought away - research shows that as weight is restored thinking gradually changes and the anorexic voice becomes less - so do keep on with your recovery - what a wonderful encouragement to us all.

[shortstack016 in reply to crazycrossstitcher]

I will!!! I want to encourage others as much as possible!😊