I think I’m actually overweight now.

[sliverofsilver]

Hi all,

So, as some of you might know, I do rhythmic gymnastics. My leotard’s getting a little small, so I went to a dance shop to get another one. Upon trying it on, I was shocked.

I know I’ve been eating a lot, and I guess that’s good. Food is no longer my worst enemy. I know I’m not morbidly obese, that’s clear, but I’m afraid I might be overweight. My doctors aren’t allowing me to check my weight as it may trigger me. But as a result, I’ve not kept an eye on the amount of food I’m eating.

I’m certainly an average weight at the very least, my doctor says so. And I looked average for a while, but now I look overweight. I really want to lose weight, I don’t want to look like this, but I’m worried that this could be the start of a relapse, but if I’m overweight, I’m going to need to lose weight to stay healthy.

Advice, anyone?

x

[running_strawberry]

Are you actually 'overweight' though? Remember thoughts and feelings are completely valid but to action anything you need evidence. Also by not seeing your weight, you are thinking worse case scenario so perhaps this is no longer helpful. Have a conversation with your team and explain your concerns about overshooting. They will be able to help you with other ways of monitoring that don't involve you placing your entire emphasis on clothes size.

Please don't try to wade through this by yourself. Get some help and allow others to help you see this as a normal (but difficult) part of recovery. Good luck.

[crazycrossstitcher]

If your GP is telling you you are not over weight - you might want to consider whether you are really seeing yourself as you are or thought your anorexic eyes - EDs deceive in many ways - so trust what your GP advises - talk to them about your feelings and thoughts - and get some counselling around this - you do need to have support from professionals as you recover as its really hard to hold on to the truth - not the distorted view the ED causes you to have.

[agse01]

Sorry that you are struggling right now. I often slip in to this place of not liking what I see in the mirror or how my clothes fit. I can often get down on myself when there is no reason to, but my fear kicks in and I start going down that dark road again! In my situation I have learned to stay away from the scale as it is a trigger for me too. When I start having negative thoughts, I try to replace it with a positive truth about myself and not let the negative thoughts take over. I have learned to focus on overall health instead of what my body looks like. It's inevitable that as I get older my body is going to change and if I focus on the physical appearance it will spiral me. I'm not saying it's not ok to want to be toned and healthy, but when we focus on the outer parts of our body exclusively, it's bound to be a trigger. Eat healthy, exercise, choose positivity, and work on your whole self, not just the outside! You are beautiful and valuable even if you gained a couple of pounds or your clothes are a little tighter! The greatest beauty comes from within! Hugs to you. I understand the struggle!

[sliverofsilver in reply to agse01]

Thank you x I’ve just seen my team, they’ve said there’s been a tiny gain. I’m moving up from weekly sessions to intensive outpatient care since things are going a little downhill, but I’m managing to stay positive-ish!

[agse01]

I know it's probably not what you wanted, but it may be for the best! We all have our ups and downs. There is no shame in this! Just keep moving forward. Healing is possible! Wishing you the best.