Help me please! What's wrong with me?

[Iamapotato]

It all started when I was 12 years old. I was kind of chubby, so I decided to change and started to skip meals. Then, after losing some weight, I began to eat 5 small meals a day. The problem was I was way too excited about meal time. I would wait until lunch and eat even thought I wasn't hungry. When I became very skinny, I started to eat a lot. I went up to 60 kg (I'm 1'70m) and realized that I was eating like a pig. I was tired of being so aware of meal time and not listening to my body. I decided to go on another diet and went down to 54kg. I couldn't control what i ate because i would either restrict or overeat and then feel very guilty. Now Im trying to end this cycle, but I've been eating like a pig for two months (luckily I only gained 1 kg). I cant stop binging and thinking about food. My life is food. I live to eat. Im now 16 and I want to be happy and eat just when im hungry, like everyone else. Help me pleasee!

[art62grammie]

I suggest you speak to a therapist.

[Iamapotato in reply to art62grammie]

I can't, my parents don't think this is serious.

[art62grammie]

Honey, I will tell you from my experience that you have a problem. I am 56 now and as you know by reading my post about my mental illness that I became a full-blown Anorexic at 14. I never was a Bulimic. I only starved. How I ever survived 40 years with this mental illness without dying I do not know. Six years ago, I for the first time, sought treatment. I will let you know both Anorexia and Bulimia can run together. Anorexia is the most deadly of all mental illness known. I still continue treatment every 2 months. This is stay recovered. It has taken me a lifetime to recover. It is never too late. You are young. There is a whole beautiful life out there waiting for you. To be totally free from your eating disorder, treatment is the only way. My parents didn't know about eating disorders when I was young. Now in your generation, everyone knows of them. Your parents need to be supportive and seek help for you. I am very experienced with eating disorders. I love you and so do others. You can be free of this with help. I lived a life of hell for too many years with Anorexia. Your parents must listen to you. They may not understand. They do not have this illness. Without treatment, I do not think anyone can win this battle. I am here for you. Reach out to me. Be strong. Hang in there. The longer you wait for help. The illness sucks you in deeper. I know.

[Iamapotato in reply to art62grammie]

Thank you so much!! I appreciate your time! I want to recover so badly, but I also I know my parents are in a bad place in terms of money, so I don't want to be a heavy weight for them :c. I wish I just could heal on my own.

[openmindmh]

Definitely start by speaking to your GP, you may want to ask for a referral to an ED service, or at the very least a therapist and dietician. This should be free on the NHS if you are in the UK but the waiting list can be very long. Then I would recommend starting some self-help books, Overcoming Anorexia or Overcoming Binge Eating disorder are both very good. There are also lots of good Youtube videos out there with tips to recover, I like Tabitha Ferrar's channel.

[sunandbutterfly]

I am sorry for what you are feeling and going through. The most important thing is to make sure that your parents know what is going on so you can get the assistance that you need. I know that you do not want to hurt their finances, but I am sure that they would rather have you well. Perhaps you could talk to a guidance counselor at school? They may be able to help you to speak with your parents.