New here - Eating Disorder Or Just Paranoid?

[DancingStitch03]

Idk if I have an ED. I’m fixated on how many calories are in everything. We (my family) use an app to calorie count and I put every little thing in there and if I can’t/don’t put it on I get anxiety (I’ve even woken up in the middle of the night and realised that I forgot something) whenever I eat I always feel really horrible and guilty. I constantly feel fat and disgusting and I *have* to weigh myself daily. I think some of this is from my mum tbh cuz she is kinda like me (she does slimming world though and I think she is losing weight healthily). Once when I was younger tho (about 6) my mum told me I was too chubby to wear a jumpsuit but my cousin wasn’t (she got to buy it btw) and this really got to me. Ever since she told me that I’ve always wanted to be like my cousin because of how skinny she was/is. I’m 5”6 and 10st 12lbs but my goal is 9st or a bit below. It doesn’t help being a dancer because all the other girls are rly skinny and I’m a bit bigger than the others. I have had thoughts on making myself throw up but haven’t acted on them and also had days were I didn’t want to eat but didn’t know how to avoid it with being with my parents or gran for most of the time. I think my gran’s worrying about me getting anorexia or bulimia because she made an awkward yet serious sounding joke about it but I just kinda awkwardly laughed and said that would never happen to me even tho I’m having these doubts. I guess I could do with someone’s opinion. I am a teen and there’s a lot of pressure for my age group when it comes to being skinny but I’m not usually affected by that sort of stuff. I’m just wondering if this is an ED or “normal” for my age. (I do have anxiety and symptoms of OCD which accompany my Tourette’s so this could just be in my head)

[crazycrossstitcher]

I can quite understand your anxieties and struggles - the pressure on you is tremendous. At your age it is important to remember that your body is in a process of change and its quite common to be "chubby" - that is normal. However, the calorie counting and continuous weight checks - as well as the anxiety caused when eating - is not part of a healthy life. If you are at school/college do talk to someone about this - a counsellor if there is one. You might also be able to talk to your dance teacher - but do talk to someone. EDs are very complex and need treatment - they are an illness and like a broken leg - they need professional treatment to get better. Maybe you could talk to your gran - its not something to be ashamed of - you are much braver sharing your problems than keeping them locked inside - we all have problems of some sort - its the ones who open up and talk about them to trusted advisers that are the sensible ones and who get things sorted out before their lives spiral out of control - so do take courage - talk to someone you trust - and let them help you. ABC also have a confidential help line you can call - so this is an option for you.

[DancingStitch03 in reply to crazycrossstitcher]

Thank you

[Brunosmum]

I'm a ex dancer and this definitely made me more aware of calories, back when I was 18 (11years ago) I paid for private treatment for anorexia but now I feel I'm filling back into old habits,the dance world is evil you ache all the time and have to watch everything you eat and drink, everyone you walk into a room your judged even if you are at the top of your contacts (prima). Please seek help from your doctor I'm taking a big step in that direction but I'm here if you want to talk

[DancingStitch03 in reply to Brunosmum]

Thank you for the advice