What's going on with me?

So let's do this from the beginning.

So I'm 13. My parents recently moved me across the world, and this put me into depression.I am always sad, and I have wanted to end m life on multiple occasions. My family is really jacked up, and my parents don't care I feel this way. I tried telling them, and they said "push the thoughts out, and be happy." A few months ago, I started noticing all my flaws, and I noticed how ugly and fat I was. Then I started a diary. I wrote thinspo poems, and wrote down just, everything. I had goal weights, and I read every book, and watched every movie about weight and body image. I started purging after I ate. but then, my mom found my diary, and called me ungrateful. So I stopped purging because it was to loud. So I tried getting better, but I cant stop thinking about food, and my weight, and I cry literally every time I look in the mirror. Now, I just avoid my food, and try to eat as little as I can. I only purge sometimes when I'm eating dinner, and I am really full, and I want more. So I excuse myself, I purge, and then I eat more. I even have a meal plan and everything. I can't stop thinking about not eating and my weight. I'm not bad enough to have an eating disorder, and I don't avoid food enough. I give in too quickly to have one.

[Fluffymum]

Oh KylieLove, you have been through so much! It's no wonder you are struggling. I expect your parents are struggling with the move too which is why they seem un receptive. You need some help to find someone you can talk to. Try to go to your GP or phone the ABC helpline.

Also try to find some activities that you like to do. It can help to distract you and give you a few moments of happiness....something to build on.

Good luck and be brave. It can get better.

[Fluffymum in reply to Fluffymum]

I wanted to change my reply a little... When I said you may get a few moments happiness, what I should have said rest from the incessant voices. Listening to music or word search or soduko or knitting... can give your brain a break.

[Hidden in reply to Fluffymum]

thank you so much! I will try

[crazycrossstitcher]

You have so much you need to talk to someone about - especially around food, body image and your own place in life. I really suggest you go to your GP - a nurse - a school counsellor/pastoral carer/teach - talk to them about how you feel and the struggle you are having - ABC also has a care line you can call - it is completely confidential and they are really understanding. Please do seek help - this is not something you should feel you have to be alone with - my prayers are with you.

[Hidden in reply to crazycrossstitcher]

thank you so much. I will try to talk to someone