New lows

[bumblebee20]

My anorexic life began 11 years ago aged 17. In all this time I've never fully gotten to a healthy weight, but have remained around bmi 16, enough to keep me out of hospital. I thought I was in control but suddenly I feel totally lost and unsure of who I even am. My self esteem has become so bad that I'm terrified to work, instead I use my savings and travel the world. This makes me happy and I'm a social person despite my lows. I'm very good at putting on a front. But often inside I'm dying and overthink everything. I become self-destructive and depressed.

My anorexia is still my comfort but the moment I gain even a pound I'm devastated.

I can't image il ever change my thought processes and that's simply because I'm not ready too gain weight:

I could use some advice on how to deal with getting back into work.. my fears of judgment, making mistakes, being a perfectionist etc have made me avoid working and I hate this about myself, I need a job soon as funds are running low but I've tried to start two jobs and have left both after one shift because I end up in tears and full of anxiety at the thought of going to work!

What happened to me?! I used to be so hardworking and ambitious.

Life is kind of stuck

[crazycrossstitcher]

Suggest you need some help with the anorexia before you tackle work - at bmi 16 you are still very fragile - and with the feelings and thoughts you describe - it sounds like you still have issues around food that need dealing with. Can you get to your GP and have a chat about getting some ED counselling - I think you would find they would also look at self esteem and anxiety - all of which would help you towards work.

[Ellen-G]

Your story is just like mine ever since I was eleven I have been on the fine line. I am also stuck in a tricky position that's why I joined this app