Eating

[Fiphie]

I don't know what happened. Honestly. Yeah, I was a little numb. Kinda sad. Really anxious. But there reason I didn't eat was the nauseous feeling that settled into my bones. It wasn't about calories. So when did it become about calories? Why does my brain echo "fat" and "thigh gap" in a never ending way? Why do I have an unshakable desire to be able to see my bones through my skin? To be able to trace my ribs? And it's not a sickness. I'm not thin enough for it to be a sickness. I just want it. So badly. And I didn't a month ago. But the constant screaming in my head and the skinny pretty girls at the mall. I want that. I was to be able to wrap my fingers around my arms and have them touch. I want thin thighs and a tiny waist and a sharp collarbone. I want the jagged shadows being all bone and muscle. But I also don't. I don't want to lose control. And I don't want to be the girl that disappears when she turns sideways. But I do. I don't understand it.

[Jots1234]

Fiphie, it would be really good if you could see your gp and tell them this, or write it down like I did. I feel very similar and doubt I even have an issue some days. For me too it started with that nauseous feeling in the pit of my stomach triggered by other things, making me anxious and sad. I just didn't want to eat for days, then it became weeks and became about restricting and calories and obsession from nowhere. You may not be in your mind thin enough to have an illness but definitely have the behaviours and I would suggest it is the illness deceiving you. Don't leave it to fester it gets more confusing and difficult to reach out for help.

Good luck, you deserve to be free and healthy x

[Fiphie in reply to Jots1234]

Thank you so much! 💕

[crazycrossstitcher]

Suggest you get to your GP - or talk to someone about this - Anorexia is an illness and it creeps up on you giving you the thoughts you are describing - and before you know it - its in charge - its taken over - and it doesn't go away without some help - so please do visit your GP asap - and be honest - ask for an ED referral before things spiral further out of control. You can also visit the websites of ABC and BEAT - ABC also have phone line support - so do access this.

[Fiphie in reply to crazycrossstitcher]

Thank you so much! 💕💖