My story

[Clo2000]

I was diagnosed with anorexia nevosa when i was 15. Its been about a year since i was diagnosed but iv had it longer. I was at my worst was in february of 2017. My weight was 5 stone 10lbs(38kg) which would put my bmi at 15.4, this was an extreamly bad time for me and i had no idea how to pull out of it. I was in the process of preparing and doing my mocks and if im honest i dont know how i managed to pass, i cant even remember taking them now. I was on less that 300 a day for a good few months and some days/weeks i didnt eat at all. Saturdays were especially hard for me physicaly and mentaly, the reasons being:

1) it was much harder to get away with not eating as my mum was there

2) i started the day with 1 hour of ice skating early in the morning and then going to work and doing a 12 hour shift till 2 oclock in the morning, on my feet, with no food.

There was one week when i was in a right state, my nails had turned purple, i kept falling and there was no hope of me getting up the stairs, my family were practically begging me to eat but it was like they wernt speaking english, the words were going straight over my head. That night i had massive pains and panick attacks, i remeber think " this is it, im going to die from anorexia before iv even left school" but it wasnt until the next morning that i went to my weekly appointment that they refered me to an impacient, teir 4 bed. this was distressing for me as i had my whole family that i would be leaving behind, i couldnt go!!! So i ate, and i put on a half a stone in a short period of time and then stopped, i couldnt handle the sudden weight gain at all and everyone thought i was okay and didnt need the support. I didnt relapse but each week it would be the same as, i would have a gain and then i would lose it the next week and it carried on and my weight never changed over a period of time.

That brings me to now, im still only 6 stone 4lbs and i am being threatened with impacient again and im just scared of everything, im scared of impacient, im scared of eating to gain weight, im scared i will lose control, im scared i will over eat, im scared of losing my family the list just goes on. Im not sure what im going to do but i will have to figure it out soon.

Thanks for taking the time to read this, it was nice to get it off of my chest x

[Caylee]

I'm so glad you were able to share your story. I actually feel the same way right now and it's really hard. I can only imagine how hard it is for you but I wish you the best, love.

[Clo2000 in reply to Caylee]

Thank you it really means a lot and the same for you. X

[joanna21]

Hi Clo2000 . That took a lot for you to tell us all that. You need to tell it to your family & any other health professionals who are supporting you . This awful disease has you in its grips & you need help & support & a lot of love to fight it . Please please let others help, recovery is slow but you deserve to live a life without anorexia. My daughter is 17 , she was diagnosed just before her 15th birthday. She is still in recovery & it is not easy but she is now fighting the voices & she wants to live without the ED. She has seen there is more to life & I am sure in time you will too . We all have to live in hope . With love xxx

[Clo2000 in reply to joanna21]

Thank you, i told my mum and im now in therapy. Im sorry to hear about your daughter, its really not nice to live with. I wish you and her all the best. Xxx

[joanna21 in reply to Clo2000]

That's really good to hear.As you probably know recovery can take a long time but take small steps at a time and you will get there. With love to you and your mum xxx