Guilty?

[BabyBee123]

So sometimes I feel like I'm a huge piece of crap. I'm definitely not anorexic and I'm not a bulimic and at most if I actually went to get help I'd be diagnosed with EDNOS I know that. The thing is you hear about all these people angry at girls that go on pro Ana websites and how dumb and attention seeky they are. And I realize I am one of those girls. I go on the pro Ana sites and I have had Ana buddies and sometimes I feel like crap for it because maybe I really do just want attention right? But at the same time if that's the way I want attention don't I still get the courtesy of an Ed? And I know that's weird to say but think about why is it that I or anyone feels like this is the only way to get attention. I still feel fat I still feel ugly I still feel like a waste of life. So why am I being criticized for their way I choose to go about fixing myself. I mean I know it's not good to want an eating disorder but that doesn't change the fact that I want one. That I want to be disciplined and that I want to be thin.

[la-la-la]

Hello

I think attention is just a by product. You get so thin eventually someone notice and say something. For me attention was the last thing I wanted but I am from a non forum, no internet pro ana site times. I don't think I heard the word anorexic until I was 13/14. It was something I did secretly. ..that no one noticed because I was ashamed or disgusted with myself and as a child I just felt odd, didn't fit it. Was a weirdo...told I was mad. I guess it must make diagnosis harder. ..those with an eating disorder and those who are anorexic and you do not need to be under weight to be anorexic. It wasn't something I aspired to be. ..it just happened once old enough to realise there was a problem I read books. I was in my own and didn't understand. Guess it felt like I was in a minority back then. Now with forums and misguided press labelling celebs as anorexic you hear more about it. I guess the element of attention is real but I think for me I was a scapegoat. ..other stuff in the family was wrong I took control of something in my life that I...a child could. Then I became the problem if you like. ..the food control and eventual weight loss was the issues gaining attention rather than the real ones but I was so entrenched in the eating disorder I only saw fat and couldn't see why my appearance got noticed. It is a powerful tool at blocking out all the real problems. "Looking" to be anorexic is just a distraction too...from your self hatred and where that really stems from. I think you should seek help. Don't leave it as long as me. Life and living can be exciting so don't leave as long to come alive as me though I do think much of recovery is down to timing.

Good luck

Lala

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sincerely - You don't want an eating disorder. You are seeking something else you feel would be satisfied by an eating disorders. la-la-la wrote a wonderful reply to your post so I won't repeat her already great response.

I say you don't want an eating disorder because I am pretty sure you don't want all your hair to fall out and be hospitalised against your will with a feeding tube down your throat. I say you don't want an eating disorder because I had one for almost three decades. And I would not wish that on anyone.

As a person who was 78 pounds at 5'5" I know about the discipline to be that thin. First it is hard. But then it is easy. Too easy. Loosing weight will become like an addiction that you will put ahead of absolutely everything in your life.

please keep talking and sharing how you feel. If you want to say you wish you had an eating disorder then you should keep saying it and talking about it. Start a dialogue with as many people as you can to learn about your feelings and the realities of where they could lead. Sincerely everything I say to you is because I care. And that I too was wanting an eating disorder and was willing to die for my eating disorder. And my best friend and only friend eventually was my eating disorder! This is not how to fix how you feel about yourself. You can be disciplined and fit by following a healthy routine of eating smart and enjoying sports or other fun types of exercise. When I was in your position I would of not wanted to listen to some old 40 year old lady ramble on to me about the lifelong dangerous of eating disorders! But now I wish I had had someone back when it all began to warn me. I am sorry if I said anything that you felt was mean. I just don't want you to suffer and might even loose your life way too soon if you starve your body to the extremes that I had.❤️

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,Hi! BabyBee123 - be careful what you wish for...truly you don't want the side effects of an Eating Disorder. They go hand in hand. For a minute lets third person this - pros of going on those sites: feeling of acceptance/normality cons:watching and agreeing with suicidal behaviour, pros of having an eating disorder: none cons - everything you can think of and more. Wanting attention sounds more like you are seeking acceptance and possibly love and admiration for sacrifices you've made to achieve your goals. Can you give yourself any of those?? (acceptance/love/admiration - just for being you) BabyBee123 could you consider going to your GP for a referral to a counsellor. You sound really depressed to me. Professional Counciling will help you identify with the true you

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Hi,

It seems that you have some difficult feelings to deal with. Experience has taught me that having an ED is definitely not the way to go. It just adds to the negative feelings.

I can identify with what you are saying about attention seeking. So do you feel you are crying out for help or love that isn't being met elsewhere? It could be worth talking with a GP or, if you are still in school or college, there may be other paths to talk with a counsellor.

Have you got something more positive to focus on? Is it worth trying something new e.g. some voluntary work? Doing something for others can give much satisfaction and a feeling of being of worth and valued. Some voluntary work is done within a group and that could lead to feelings of being accepted.

Please use pro-recovery sites. This way you'd be able to help others by encouraging them as well as seeking help for yourself. It is very good that you have sent this post to this site and I'm sure we'd all encourage you to turn away from the pro-ana sites.

All the best and I hope we'd hear from you again.