Struggling with gaining weight

[crazycrossstitcher]

Don't know if you can help me - my husband is on a reducing diet - my prayer partner and several of my friends have just started slimmers world - and I've been told that not only do I need to eat my current 1,600 cals normal diet - but must add 3 snacks to amount to 500 extra daily - ie milky drinks, buttered toast and chocolate or cereal bar - so far I've spent 2 weeks going round in circles - and actually not "done" anything - does anyone else struggle when eating more than their partner and those around them? How do I increase and blank out that anorexic voice?

[njam]

Yes!!! I totally get that and I've just woke up wishing I hadn't because now I have to struggle through the day eating 3 meals and snacks making myself fatter and fatter and grrrrrrrr been told it gets easier!!!!???? Well I wish it would hurry up and do so!!!!

All the mums at school are on diets and exercising. They bang on about it on Facebook. They make comments in the playground like "you don't have to worry about dieting" and in my head I'm shouting "duh!!!you reckon???!!!! if only you knew how fat I actually am right now!!!???" Then there are other friends who have had babies looking forward to losing weight. Husband not on a diet but he is very tall and well quite frankly I don't give a damn about him anymore. I try so hard to be positive and embrace it but gee tough, hard... a fight. ..they don't come close to explaining this torture of eating so much. It was bad enough without diet talk around me,this is just taking the piss!!! I constantly consider giving up, ending it or getting in the car and just going off ( with nowhere to go...no money or job prospects. ..oh well) suffering it is then. ...so no you're not alone in your struggle.

n x

[crazycrossstitcher]

thanks for that - can totally understand the just going off bit - and the reasons you have for not doing this - I've the same thoughts - so I guess its great to know someone else has the same struggle - I too have been told it gets easier - and I too say "like when?" - but we've got to focus on what our body needs - and recognise the anorexic voice which isn't from God and isn't helpful - but it does seem to shout rather loudly and in my case is winning at the moment! Keep going - and good luck.

[Hidden]

Yes I can identify with both your comments too. We are bombarded with exhorts aimed at those who are over-weight. In those moments I smugly think "I'm good at losing weight". Then I remind myself what damage not eating enough is. You may not have physical effects yet but I do and I haven't had an eating disorder until relatively recently...

I also try to remind myself that "it is not important what others are or aren't eating, all that matters is what I eat - I'm unique"

I wish it was easy to recover and to enjoy food without the constant anxious thoughts.

[Hidden]

Yes, I also have trouble with this one! When I was in therapy and in January all I kept hearing and reading was about how now was the time to shed X pounds in a month and it seemed weight loss was being broadcast as something we ALL needed to do and succeed in. As you, I felt great that I was already very thin and was very good at losing weight, and the last thing I wanted was to 'ruin' it and gain weight. Anyway, my therapist helped me by telling me to focus on MY needs and My health. She pointed out that my BMI was in the anorexic range and no matter how fat I felt, my BMI was a medical fact and there was no way on earth I could be fat. She said all the media coverage encouraging people to lose weight are aimed at those who are overwieght.

It IS really hard to gain weight because of the amount you do need to eat. I still have to have 3 meals, 3 snacks plus and ensure everyday to get my weight to shift but I know I will get there! As for feeling fat I struggled with this for years and didn't make progress because I hated every pound so just went roud in circles. Bu I rememember the day very clearly when I suddenly saw myself as really skinny not fat anymore. It was because I had decided that rather stay thinnner than everyone else (my identity which kept me safe) I suddenly wanted to be well, to be strong and healthy and a grown up woman. I just felt I wanted to be well and 'normal' like other women. I LIKED the idea of looking well rather than weak and like a child.

I coped each week I weighed myself by looking in the mirror and asking myself "do I still look slim? Would I still look slim if I get half and inch bigger? And surprisingly the answer was always yes! Somehow my real wanting to look healthy shed the blinkers from my eyes. There was more of a longing to look well, to proudly say "I USED to have anorexia but I beat it" and making my family proud, rather than be a sick little girl causing everyone constant worry and fear.

Keep going because it CAN happen. I was also taught that when you are extremely thin, changes in the brain alter the way we see ourselves so we really do think we look huge. I found this to be true - as I gained weight I did see myself how I really was.

Anyway, as usual I've rambled on far too long! I just wanted to give you hope that things CAN change, it is possible to one day feel 'allowed' to eat and you will realise that you would look far more attractive if you were healthy. Do post again, it would be great to hear how you're getting on. xx

[njam]

This evenings thoughts are that this very complicated.

I don't think anorexia is bad anymore. ..I think society makes you feel bad...we didn't choose this...I don't know if you will get this but it occurred to me that it is a gift. That might sound crazy but I wondered. ...I must have developed this for a very good reason...yes it has put me in psychical danger at times but I needed it. Paradoxically I don't think I'd still be here today if it weren't for her. ..and actually everything it taught me has the potential to help me go toward a better future. It is not a diet is it. ..duh...penny dropping. ..we are not like dieters so we probably shouldn't be comparing/likening ourselves to others. Going to stop rambling. .anyone wondered the same?

n x

[crazycrossstitcher in reply to njam]

Thanks - good to get positive feedback and read that there is life without anorexia. Thanks

[Hidden in reply to njam]

I can't believe I've just read that you don't think anorexia is bad and I find it quite frightening! I'm absolutley horrified and appalled because I have had 2 friends DIE from anorexia plus known another, and my whole life since the age of 18 - 20 has been ruined because of the drive to lose weight.. Of course initially there are positives e.g it helps you cope with painful feelings, makes you feel proud of yourself maybe or gives you confidence - (perhaps you are still at the stage where you genuinely feel losing weight is making you happy) but I promise you that that does not last and that there are so so many disadvantages. I've been ill for 19 years and if you would like a debate about and benefits / disadvantages of anorexia I would be very happy to exchange views! Please be well and healthy. x

[crazycrossstitcher in reply to Hidden]

Realised I was trying to reply to you with the last e-mail - it was actually "breaking free" that I thought I was responding too - I certainly don't condone the feelings expressed by njam - anorexia is not something I want in my life - it is a life "killer" not a life "giver" - I have struggled for nearly 40 years - so your recovery was a real encouragement as so many people have told me that as a long-term sufferer I'll just have to learn to live with it - which I totally disagree with it as I believe God didn't give me the problem - it is not His wish I live like this - and that in His strength and with the support of others I can break free even after all this time. Look forward to your respsonse.

[Hidden in reply to crazycrossstitcher]

Hi crazycrosssticher, it was so reassuring to read your post. I wasn't sure whether i was doing the right thing replying as I did to njam. But I'm trying to do all I can to keep postitive thoughts in my head and not get drawn in to weight loss again. I had a friend who was ill for 35 years and she made a full recovery and the nurse therapists told me it is always possible to recover, it just has to be the right time. So we don't have to despair that we will never be free. If we keep encouraging each other I'm cerain we can 'break free'! I am a catholic and totally agree with your belief that God wants us to get well. In fact something that helps me, is considering that when I was first born he gave me a perfect, new body, and it is my duty to care for it, keep it as healthy and as well as possible, to cherish it and make it strong so it can do good things and reflet his glory. Thinking of you and thank you for your words. xx

[crazycrossstitcher in reply to njam]

sorry- realised I'd actually replied to the wrong submission - don't see my anorexia as a positive thing - I'm sure that God might bring good out of the experience - but He certainly doesn't want me to remain like this - He did not create me anorexic and wants me to be free to live the life He plans for me - anorexia takes life and freedom away - it certainly does not have a positive spin.

[njam]

I didn't say it was "positive" . I've been made to feel very bad about it and i didn't choose to be this way.

I am 38 and suffered with food /weight issues since I was about 3 and only now I am attempting to recover do I see how much I needed it. ..option 1 -lose my mind at 3 or 2-develop a problem that yes as I said is dangerous and can be fatal but enabled me to cope and survive on some level. It's been a huge part of my life and I know nothing else. I used to think I had wasted my whole life. ..I am now trying to see it as part of my journey and it is my faith that i was given this journey that actually keeps me going and learning and growing.

I am on a real journey to recovery now and not a half life kidding myself and convincing myself /fooling myself and everyone else that I'm ok now, version of recovery. Eating and gaining weight because i really want to try and not because I feel bad for upsetting, humiliating or hurting my family or anyone else. Like I say i won't be made to feel bad about something i didn't choose. It wasn't living it was surviving but I've learnt from it. It's made me who I am today so it can't be all bad and I won't be made to feel bad about it anymore. Feeling bad about it is just punishing yourself more and more likely to trigger you in to treating yourself badly further. I am far from in the clear every second I am fighting not to go back to my old ways. Instead of losing my mind at 3 it might happen now at 38..."it" happened and I am thankful "it" helped me survive...It is a journey. I wish you well on your journey x

[njam]

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