Ongoing cycle of binge/restrict

[elleruth]

Hi,

I've had a lot of issues regarding my weight and eating habits which started with me losing weight and becoming obsessed with staying under 7 stone (I was 16 and 5'4) to the past 3 and a half years struggling through binging because of previous restricting and feeling so ashamed and scared of being fat that i'd just eat salad and fruit and do 'punish' exercises. I want this process to stop because I get so embarrassed when it's clear ive gained weight in such a short space of time after losing it the same month. my mood changes along with this, as I'm obviously happier when I feel thinner but so so depressed (more than usual) when I feel fat/too full.

can anyone relate and give me some advice please?

[imstronger]

Hi @elleruth, I am sorry to hear you are going through this battle with food, it really sounds like my days of restricting myself then binge eating on food.

I understand what you meant about the embarrassment for gaining so much weight (be it visible or not) in so little time. The thing is, many people have no idea what struggles you are going through. They may notice and they may judge, but you are all about yourself. You already need so much mental energy to deal with the guilt of binge eating, while trying to get back on track, while trying to feel happy. You really can't afford any mental energy on thinking what you could look like instead. It takes time, but try to accept your weight gain. It is a type of healthy weight gain because you are no longer restricting yourself! Try to accept your body for how it is at present. Love your cute cheeks. Love your ribs that are no longer visible. Accept every part of you.

Your body has been deprived of nutrients or food for so long before, that it is constantly on starvation mode. So, your mind keeps getting you to eat a lot to the point of bingeing.

I felt the same way a year ago, but what was different was that I did not seek help or admit something was wrong with me. So, you are already going somewhere as the first step to recovery is actively seeking help.

I wrote a blog upon recovery in hopes of helping people who are suffering from binge eating disorder and maybe this would resonate with you:

imstrongerthantheurgetobing...

Be alright and I will try my best to help you. X

-Dana