Feeling down after diagnosis

[Newnormal_18]

I’m feeling depressed as I was diagnosed with MBC less than two weeks ago. I’ve started Ibrance with letrazole. I feel like I’m in my own world and am broken hearted. I am usually enjoying this time of year and talking with my friends and family. I hope things improve and I can be happy again.

[Hidden]

Dear Newnormal - I am so sorry to hear of your diagnosis. You will find support and comfort from the women on this board. I've been on Ibrance and Letrazole for 2 years and have no side effects FWIW.

The weeks after I received my MBC diagnosis were crushing like many of the women here will tell you. As I was told, it is a time of mourning -- what was, what might be. You are allowed to feel this way. It is a rotten break. But, with time, good support and maybe an antidepressant to help along the way, you will slowly realize that you will continue living for quite some time.

For me, after several weeks of feeling despondent, I one day realized that I was not dying that week, that month or that year. As I've said before on this board, that somehow flipped the switch for me.

I exercise. I bought an electric bike and love riding it all over.

We traveled pre-Covid. I remain active and engaged. I found a good counselor I check in with occasionally so I can say things that I know are hard for my family to hear. Especially at the start of my diagnosis, I got a prescription for an anti-depressant. I found some good, free guided meditation apps for my phone. They remind me to breathe and take me out of my head.

MA has legal marijuana. I bought low THC CBD tincture. When I have trouble sleeping, I drop some under my tongue.

You will find your own tools that will help you during this dark phase.

For me, I shared my diagnosis with a limited, trusted number of friends and family. I don't want folks stopping me and seeming surprised that I am upright and active.

We are here for you. Ask us anything!

[Moon-and-Stars in reply to Hidden]

I just laughed reading your reply MarthasVineyard. I remember that switch 💡 absolutely. The day I realised that I’m not dying, I just have an illness. You’ve jogged my memory and I’m smiling here while staring at my 2 year old asleep on my lap.

I do agree with only telling the select few people. My personal life is exactly that, personal.

xxx

[Hidden in reply to Moon-and-Stars]

Aww, I love the image of your two year old resting in your lap

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

So well written. Let’s be upbeat ladies. We all help each other 🥰😍

[mariootsi in reply to Hidden]

Well said!

[Moon-and-Stars]

I can only speak about my experience (diagnosed MBC out of the blue aged 35 in 2018). It’s very tough in the beginning, you will experience so many emotions, fear, anger, sadness etc. But it does get better. As time passes you adjust to your new normal and life tends to go on. For me there are rarely any bad moments now thankfully, and life is good.

Wishing you all the best x

[Hidden]

At first our diagnosis shatters our lives and those close to us. Our thoughts are channelled elsewhere and all we can think of is the darkness at the end of the tunnel.

Have faith in your Oncologist and meds. I have been on the same for 18months now. There’s side effects etc but the positive out weighs the negative. If you read what the lovely ladies write on here it will reassure you to a degree.

When you are down try and do something nice that pleases you and think of having some me time and spoil yourself.

When I was first diagnosed I threw away clothes, shoes, perfume and anything I didn’t think I would need. That was crazy. I shouldn’t have done that as I regret it now.

It’s early days for you and you will receive great response on here.

Take care and keep posting.

Cheryl

[Beryl71 in reply to Hidden]

I did the throwing away thing too, did the same when my husband died. I think it's trying to find what's important in life. When your normality turns up side down!

[Hidden in reply to Beryl71]

Yes, I think those things were just materialistic items and there is definitely other things that mean more. Your husband especially and I am sorry for your loss.

Take care

[Hidden]

Hi there

Welcome. The first few months are very much an emotional rollercoaster as you try and process this new situation. For me, I carried on going to work and being as normal as possible. Of course I had my tearful days, my angry days, my gloomy days (I still do), but I also had my I love life days, and they are great. I am 18 months down the line of taking Ibrance and Letrozole, and still going strong. Good luck with it

Clare x

[queeneee]

I agree with Marthasvinyard, take some time for yourself to grieve, I am very happy that I only told a few trusted people, so that I am not having to explain myself to everyone and deal with their upset. Also, I find that it takes some time for your body to adjust to a new drug regimen.. be kind to yourself physically, be with your grief (I find this harder), things will get better. That may look different from what you expected before diagnosis. Love your life. xx (diagnosed 9 months ago)

[Teddielottie]

Hello Newnormal !... tho’ I think it is too soon to call this your newnormal as you are only very recently diagnosed , it will take time to process . Try and get outdoors for walks and always keep hydrated . It will get easier !

I have been on the same treatment for nearly three years ( I was de novo towards the end of 2017 )and although I have had various side effects over time , generally I have tolerated them well . I find keeping busy and my mind occupied has helped too ...looking after my elderly mum and her home ( she doesn’t know my diagnosis) , gardening and e-biking ...my new hobby ! You will find lots of ladies on here with great advice and support too . Take care ! x

[LibraryGeek]

These ladies are right- you will adjust and come to terms with the condition. You have lots of living left to do. Your medication combo is a good one for most, and after that there will be more options, and new ones coming through all the time. Be kind to yourself and have hope.

Jackie x

[Beryl71]

Well at least the treatment has started quickly and hopefully it will make you feel physically well, that's always a good start. You will come out of the other side. Keep talking to your friends, focus on what you're going to do today and this week. Plan some nice things.

I took up a healing skills course and have increased my yoga and meditation, which has helped me to find peace. People on this site gave me lots of hope, and that has helped me to move forward. You could live for years with this condition, so don't waste it. And if not , make sure that the years you have are as happy as they can be for you and your friends and family. If it wasn't for covid I'd be doing really mad things! Carolynx

[hopenowandtomorrow]

Sending hugs & prayers 🙏❤️🙏. It takes time to adjust to the news. You will see over time that you can live an almost normal life with MBC. I’ve learned to enjoy the moments & embrace each day. I wish I would have lived this way before the MBC diagnosis. I pray your treatment works for years (as most of ours does) & have hope, new meds are coming out all the time that extend our lives. ❤️🙏❤️

[diamags]

I agree with what everyone has said. Please allow yourself to grieve. You have suffered a huge loss. After that, you'll find your new normal, and for me, it has been great. I'm seven years in now, so there can be a good outcome.

[Ntash01]

I could not agree more with what has been said. First few months are the most difficult without a shadow of a doubt!

Fast forward 9 months..... I have accepted, I am at peace, I appreciate everyday and do what makes me happy! I still try and be super mum to my big baby (18😂) and most importantly I have faith in my medical team. I don’t think of ‘the end’ much but dark thoughts often pop in and I have my pity parties when I want/need it (less nowadays), after all we have suffered a loss. BUT meds are working, thankfully I’m functioning the same I did prior to diagnosis so I’ll take that.

This wonderful forum helps so much......Thank-you to all the wonderful ladies for sharing and caring virtual hugs to you all.

N

[Hidden]

Hi,

I'm sorry to hear of your recent diagnosis. Those first few weeks and months after such a diagnosis are very difficult. You will need time to process everything you have been told. Please take your time to come to terms with everything, as there is a lot to take on board, not just with the start of treatment but also with how your life has now changed. Feeling broken hearted is a good description of what this diagnosis is like, but your heart will heal and you will hopefully learn to enjoy your life again.

This is a very supportive, friendly, close-knit forum where you can come for tea and a natter. We don't just talk about cancer, but our friends, family, pets and travels. So whether you want to vent, ask about side effects or have a question about something non-cancer related you can come here and there will always be someone ready and willing to listen.

Take care,

Sophie

[Hidden]

It is such an awful shock to the system and it took me awhile to accept my diagnosis. We are here for you anytime. ❤️

[8576]

Let me welcome you also. You will be happy you found this group! A real comfort zone. Of course you will be happy again. Just needs some time to adjust and get used to the new language you will be learning. You will be ok. I was diagnosed in 2013 and still doing well. I am older than most on this forum. 80 yrs. So happy my sciatic pain let up.

Yesterday, I dusted and vacuumed my downstairs and washed the floors. (with swiffer. love it.) And did some grocery shopping. So pleased with myself.

I have mets to my left hip and some minor fractures to my pelvis. So I walk with a cane and a walker for longer distances. I also have severe osteoarthritis in both knees down to my feet but my pain meds keep me going!

Anyhow, the advice here is great. Just tell your closest family and friends for now. If you don't feel comfortable with your Oncologist, look for a new one. Never be afraid to ask your family doctor for a referral for a second opinion if needed. Take advantage of all the services available in your Oncology unit. You will find comfort and help there as well.

I am jumping ahead now. You need some time to get used to everything.

All the best to you and keep us posted on progress.

Cheers, June S.

[BluHydrangea]

Welcome NewNormal. I went through shock, grief and now feel like the diagnosis has helped me ( forced me!) to prioritize what is really important and spend time and energy on those people and activities. There is wonderful support here to rant or ask questions and to just know we UNDERSTAND what you are going through. Wishing you peace and great results on your treatment.❤️