Wife's ready to drop. Any tips to hel... - Pregnancy and Par...
Wife's ready to drop. Any tips to help the birthing partner not feel like a tool during labour?
Hi Sossylm,
Congratulations to you and your wife! It's always a good idea to familiarise yourself with the stages of labour and the whole process so you can be as confident as possible. We have some tips for birthing partners on our website, check out nct.org.uk/birth/tips-birth...
All the best,
Alice
Obviously the most important stuff is on the NCT list but here are two extra tips. (but any dad will tell you feeling like a bit of a spare part is part of the job description)
1) If you can engineer the time at home to make a set of the best sandwiches you ever made in your life it will pay off! At a certain moment in a long hard labour food becomes essential and expressing your love and support in the form of something beyond the hospital canteen fodder is a real hit (well was for me anyway).
2) Make sure you have practiced strapping the baby seat in. But do it 10 times. Leaving hospital for the first time is one of the first real 'Dad' moments you have and you won't believe how hard it is to get the seat in for the first time when you're also carrying the precious cargo for the first time. It's nothing like doing it without a baby in there...
Enjoy it - it's amazing. But get used to that feeling of being peripheral to requirements. It characterizes the first 6 months of being a dad!
While I agree with Jaarlsen, I found that my wife ate almost nothing during labour (72 hours from 1st contraction to birth!).
Your main priority will be to be in charge when your partner can't be (ie. to make decisions when they are out of their mind with the pain/high on gas and air/sedateed for caesarian). In other words, make sure you have discussed - well in advance - all possible eventualities no matter how unthinkable.
A perfect birthing partner will also plan a route to hospital that avoids speed bumps (I failed to do this and am constantly reminded of the fact by my wife).
Thought you might like this video from the new NHS Information Service for Parents - quite sweet and honest with four fathers discussing what it was like to attend the birth of their children telegraph.co.uk/health/chil...
1. Swot up beforehand - know what's likely to happen and get involved.
2. Listen to her and do what she asks.
3. Surprise her with something that show's you've thought about her needs (but pick your moment!)
My hubby ate all the food we took to hospital and slept all night on the hospital bed too!! But I wanted no food and no lying down. I loved him being there and knowing that we knew what we wanted out of the experience. However I really needed him and he was at his best when we had to argue with the doctors during labour ( I think they forget childbirth is natural) I needed him to be firm, protective and to stand up for us and not let us be swayed by their pressing decisions against the clock. He drove the doctors and midwives mad but it was well worth it 
so be courageous and fight for your rights- without fear- they know, but so will you. Go with your gut. it is a wonderful experience!
My husband was fantastic at being my voice during labour and sticking up for the things he knew were important to me. He held my hand. Complied with all my weird demands. Told me I could do it. And in the final pushing stages just sprayed me with water and fed me Lucozade in between contractions! We really felt like we did it together and were so excited and overwhelmed to meet our beautiful baby girl. Enjoy!
From a midwife's perspective, dont act like one!! I agree with all the above really, beebaby has summed it up nicely. Good luck
Be prepared for her to change her mind many, many times. I wanted him to hold my hand then I didn't. I wanted him to rub my back then snapped at him for touching me. He was standing too close or too far away. He wasn't talking to me then I would tell him to stop yakking! I think you get the idea.
But at no point did he sigh/huff or sound like I was being unreasonable (I was I was being a brat and in-between contractions I was all apologies) he just apologized for whatever was wrong that second and came right back when I wanted him.
It was that unconditional love that got me through the hard part x
