Birth options after a previous 3rd degree tear

[Grimbo87]

Hi there,

Background of me: I have a 2.5 year old who was forceps delivered with an episiotomy that tore into a 3c graded tear. 2L blood loss in total from the resulting wound so I had a blood transfusion and 2 hours in surgery to repair it. I lived with months of incontinence as a result however due to an amazing physio I'm happy to say no long term damage.

I'm now 25 weeks pregnant with my second and after going through the birth afterthoughts process and meetings with a couple of consultants I'm now at a loss as to which way to go for my next birth. The hospital themselves have taken the stance of it being my choice for either an elective caesarean or a vaginal birth again although when pressed the midwife said "off the record" they'd lean to an elective section. The risk of another tear have been given to me as 7% up from 2-3%.

The recovery from a section scares me as I'll have a toddler at home to consider this time but I don't think I could handle the incontinence if I tore badly again and there's no guarantees I'd heal as well as this time. I have no strong opinions either way, I just want baby and I safe and well afterwards with me in the best possible state to look after my little ones.

I guess I'm after some experience from those that have gone before me! Any similar stories and which way did you go?