Baby needs to stay in own cot - I am too sleep deprived....

[Florencehill]

My son is 11 months and needs a new sleep routine. He is bottle fed on my bed (around 7pm) then when asleep is easily transferred to the cot by our bed. When he wakes, usually any time from 11pm onwards. He does not cry but winges untill he is taken out of the cot, otherwise he will start to cry. (Ive tried stroking his head, shushing and he gets frustrated)

In the end I relent, put him between me and my partner and breastfeed to sleep again. I only have a double bed so end up falling asleep on the edge, ridgid. Sometimes I wake and can manage to transfer him back to cot asleep but when he wakes again, the cycle starts again.

I desperately need a change because Im not getting any quality sleep and get angry because I dont know how to break the cycle. I cant afford a sleep consultant. My son has a nursery and I want him to sleep in it in his cot asap. I feel like I have no energy in the day because of my broken sleep, and because he starts wriggling round and pulling my hair at 5am to get up. I could handle early starts if I was getting a better sleep.

[LizzieBW]

Sorry to read you're having a hard time. My boy is 7 months and I've made a rod for my own back in a different sense with sleep i.e. he has always contact napped during the day and unless he's extremely exhausted and in a deep sleep, which rarely happens he wakes instantly when I try put him down, then overtiredness affects night settling and sleep so I've allowed contact napping for waay too long and get absolutely nothing done during the day, nap trapped while he sleeps. He will sleep on the go without contact thankfully but unfortunately I can't do housework/nap myself whilst driving or out walking 😂 My point is I can totally relate to feeling trapped in a viscous cycle!

Anyway, we also cannot afford a sleep consultant and instead I started following sleep consultant accounts on instagram. This has been so worthwhile because they post every day on different topics surrounding sleep plus they have their saved posts/stories on their profile so I can go searching for advice and tips on the subject I need help with. I appreciate this is a bit of a DIY option but it's free! If you want me to send any recommendations for insta sleep accounts that I've found helpful, let me know and I'll PM you 🙂

I'm sure others will reply here with personal experience to help you out too! Xx

[Florencehill in reply to LizzieBW]

Thank you. I have DM'd you. My gets to sleep during the day by me walking him in the pram or I push him on the spot at home if its raining. Have you tried this?

[Twiglet2]

things that worked for us that you’ve maybe not tried:

1) stopped the association between feeding and falling asleep (so that if they wake in the night they don’t need it to go back to sleep) we did this by doing bottle downstairs and if he did fall asleep not doing the gentle carrying etc just letting him wake back up if moved. We do a wee routine of a story after bottle and saying ‘night night’ to everyone (including pets 😂) then he goes in his cot with his elephant that plays music and projects stars and white noise on

2) moved to his own room so us moving in our bed etc wasn’t disturbing him we did this at 8 months and it made such a difference to all our sleep! He protested the first few nights and I just went back in if his whinges turned into cries and patted his tummy/stroked his hair etc until he styled again

3) bedtime at 8pm and only one nap in the afternoon

Hope some of that helps you that’s just what worked for us 🤗💜

[Florencehill in reply to Twiglet2]

Thanks Twiglet2 (nice to hear from you!) Thats all really useful info. I think you are right...Im in for a tough time! X

[Twiglet2 in reply to Florencehill]

nice to hear from you too 😊 I’m not sure there are any ‘easy’ babies 😂 (we are in the tantrum stage 😳🫣🤪) but it sounds like you are doing amazing 🥰💜 they are all so different as well what works for one doesn’t for another or what works this week doesn’t next 😂 I find ideas from others on here so helpful for what on earth to try next! Xx

[Emdog87]

Morning, I think the problem is your feeding him to sleep and then transferring. He’s probably then really confused and unable to put himself back to sleep through the night because he needs you.

You need to try a new bedtime routine, feed awake and then put him in his cot when he’s sleepy but awake. This way you’re letting him put himself to sleep. You might have a few rough nights to begin with. There are various methods you can try, sushing, patting, holding his hand and then gradually moving further out of the bedroom. I found with my daughter these didn’t work, when I was sat next to her she would get really worked up. So I used to put her in her cot and leave her. I would then time her (based on how upset she sounded) if she was just grizzly then I’d leave her, but if she sounded really upset I’d give her 5 minutes to see if she’s calm at all, then go in, give her another pat, kiss etc (not pick her up) give her dummy / teddy and then walk out again.

I used to breastfeed my daughter to sleep but just found I was getting no sleep at all so I started doing the above. Good luck. X

[Florencehill]

Thanks for this. I really need to give it a try. Feeding in the night doesnt feel right either.

[Ditetucs]

Hello. Just to say you are doing amazing responding to your baby and having a baby is a tough job nobody and nothing car prepare you for. Just want you to know that at this age it is biologically normal for babies to need feeds at night and it is also often more about connection than food. Some of the sleep training methods and limiting your response to your baby can deprive baby of that connection. 11 month is also a tough time for babies with learning to walk and babbling loads so their little brain is busy often waking them up and making them want to practice, also probably teething etc.

I understand that you need a change, I found this amazing facebook community that has helped me tremendously, mainly to understand what was going on with my baby and also with tips ans tricks which respected my baby’s needs and helped me cope and get better quality sleep:

facebook.com/groups/1844822...

I found that co-sleeping in a conscious and safe way, feeding laying down (check out Safe Sleep 7 from the Lullaby Trust) has saved my sanity, but I will be honest at 17 months we still wake multiple times (still bf as well), I just know it is normal and nothing I have done wrong, if anything we all go back to sleep quicker and when my lo is teething bf is the best way to sooth her. However there are gentle ways to make changes and I hope you will find something that works for you and your baby. I am also lucky as my husband is able to help at the beginning of the night or the night gets rough to get some extra sleep. Is your partner able to help to get you some extra sleep? Good luck!

[Florencehill in reply to Ditetucs]

Thanks so much. That is enlightening and very helpful. My baby has just learnt to crawl. I co slept with him last night by default but in the morning I was in be, my partner was in the shower and the baby was active. I dozed off for a nano second and he fell off the bed. He is fine but now I am worried about co sleeping and how to do it safely? I will check out your links

[Sw1234]

Sounds similar to what we had and it's so tough. We managed to break the association with milk by feeding him downstairs before bath and story (used tl feed last). We had a pack from a friend who had a sleep guide and it said to rub baby's tummy for 6 minutes and then feed until not crying. Put back down and keep doing same. It took us abkit 20 minutes the first night and then got easier. A month later we now sit in his room until he's a sleepjng and give him a cuddle after 6 minutes. It's worked really well