12 week old rarely makes eye contact/smiles/cooing

I posted when my baby was 8 weeks old as I was really worried she was avoiding looking at faces. I couldn't get her to look at all.

She's now 12 weeks old and while there has been some improvement I'm still very worried.

She had made eye contact a few times but actively avoids it.

The longest she looked at me was when she was breastfeeding - probably about 10 seconds and she smiled. Was so lovely but was only the one time.

Other times she will lock eyes with me and look away. Or she will turn her head

She has started smiling a bit but mainly at random objects. She's smiled a few times at me but I have to work really hard for them and act like a fool lol.

She isn't cooing. When I speak to her sometimes she will make a ahh noise or grunt as if she's trying to talk but again I have to work really hard for her to make any noise. Sometimes she will make noise to her singing elephant that she loves but again it's very rare.

She doesn't turn to voices or sounds but I know she can hear as she will get started by loud noises.

She will track objects and myself but only if you catch her attention first. She loves looking at black and white cards.

Everything I've read has me sick with worry as apparently babies prefer people and love interacting. Well not mine! It's so hard to get her to engage with me.

My partner has a child on the spectrum so I know it's a possibility by LO could have it as it's genetic. Of course I will love my LO no matter what but I would like to mentally prepare myself for what's to come if that is the case. Also I know you can't diagnose a baby that young but I know some people looking back see signs.

I guess I'm just looking for others people's experiences. Has your LO done this and did they eventually engage more. Did they end up on the spectrum or neurotypical?

[LizzieBW]

Hi,

I'm sorry you're feeling worried about your little one. It's probably a silly question but have you mentioned all of this detail to your Health Visitor? They see hundreds of babies every year and many will fail to meet their milestones so although like you said, no-one would be looking at diagnosis this young but if your little one genuinely wasn't meeting her milestones then your HV may be keen to note this and refer you for other investigations.

Wishing you all the best. Xx

[Hidden in reply to LizzieBW]

Hi thanks for getting back to me. I've spoke to my health visitor and she was useless and said speak to the GP. Well the GP said I need the health visitor to do a assessment! Really frustrating. I'm going to keep pushing for help. Thank you xx

[Pnw2020]

Hi.

Have a look in the 'Red book' under screening and reviews. There is some useful information. It mentions coos and gurgles at 4 months so you are not even there yet.

I have twins and I was worried as one twin smiled later than the other and it was hard work to get a smile from her. She was quite a serious and curious young baby. I remember speaking to the health visitor who reassured me and suggested monitoring over a month and to spend some 1:1 time just talking to her for a few minutes at a time. To reassure you, now at 5 months there is no issue with getting a smile from her at all! Having twins really highlights how they develop at different rates and have their own personalities!

[Hidden in reply to Pnw2020]

Thank you, that's reassuring! My health visitor said she should be doing these things by now but to give it time. It's so stressful x

[Lynseyehey]

The only advice I have is to trust your instinct. Health professionals kept telling me my baby was normal/delayed but I knew it was something more, we got a neurological diagnosis at 10 months. Be prepared for people to treat you like a paranoid new mum though. There is something called 'delayed visual maturation' where some babies are delayed with their visual development. Hopefully its something like this that will resolve itself in time. Xx

[Hidden in reply to Lynseyehey]

I have a strong feeling something is wrong. I'm going to keep pushing for testing as yes no one is taking my concerns seriously. Hopefully I can update with good news soon! X

[Mopsu]

Hi, I was worrying about my baby all the time until she was 10 months. She wasn't sociable baby at all she didn't smile on anybody even when we went out and people waved at her or saying her something she didn't respond she didn't even looked at them and at home it looked like she didn't listen to me at all. I was reading her books try to teach her something and didn't get any response from her, even when went we for 10 months check up with health visitor she was little bit behind with her social skills. I was really worried if she is not in spectrum, but than my mother in law came to visit us because we are not from uk, she started to improve she was repeating what I all the time taught her . My partner told me that she was probably focused on her learning to walk, she had her own pace. Give your baby more time, checked her ,teach her and later you will see if it's really something to worry about there. Every baby is different and doesn't mean that all babies have to be sociable and smiley all the time. Mine wasn't at all and I was reading all this articles where they tell you she should smile and be sociable and I was sick of worrying.

[Hidden in reply to Mopsu]

Thank you! I'm so worried I can barely function. I'm hoping my daughter turns a corner soon. Did your daughter avoid eye contact? This along with rarely cooing and smiling has me so worried. She's doing amazing at her gross and fine motor skills. She can lift her chest of the ground and is practically trying to crawl. She shake toys if i put them in her hand. So maybe she's just been focusing on those skills and will catch up with her communication skills. Thanks for reassuring me! X

[Mopsu in reply to Hidden]

I remember she barely looked at me she was so focused on what was she doing. Mine was the same she was really advanced in her motor and gross skills , she started to walk when she was around 12-13 months. I remembered her crying a lot from frustration when she couldn't move .she had her own pace , I couldn't force her to learn something what she didn't want so I started to take her own pace and teach her what I saw she wanted to do. When I was looking at this development charts I was really worried, but mine partner told me to take her own pace and focus on what she wants to do instead of forcing her to do something what is written somewhere. I was just checking if she is getting there and where are we, but she was gaining those skills steps by steps, some of them later, some of them earlier.