Maternity leave and a seemingly unsupportive partner

[Mookie_goose]

Hey ladies

I'm only 6 weeks pregnant (so probs too early to get worked up about this) but wanted to chat to partner about maternity leave/money and if he could help with my half of mortgage this month as I've been off work for 3 weeks with Ovarian hyperstimulation from IVF cycle and self employed (no holiday pay). He's not happy about helping... What do you think about this? I'm not sure as as the women, I should make all the financial sacrifice but maybe that's normal? 🤷‍♀️

I also got pretty upset when he told me he expected me to go back to work a bit after 3 months as I should start contributing to the house. Again is this pretty normal? How did you discuss money with your partners and the fact they may hold the purse strings once on mat leave?

Thanks

[Lydialego123]

Congrats on your pregnancy!

I think it really depends on your relationship and approach to money as a couple as we are all different. I am the breadwinner in my household but am taking a year off work as we discussed money before I got pregnant and saved to cover the difference between maternity pay and my pay, most of the savings were by me but my husband also contributed, we put together a spreadsheet and reviewed it every month together. I am lucky as we get good maternity pay at my work though too (6 months full pay).

I do know some people who have taken out a loan to cover the money during their time off and paid it off afterwards.

What I would suggest is that you have a proper chat about what you would both like to do and how/if you can afford that between you, also remember that childcare is expensive if you do return to work early it might cost more than staying off longer and looking after your child yourself.

Also there is child benefit and tax free childcare depending on your circumstances which can help. Take a look on gov.Uk for more information.

As you are 6 weeks you have plenty of time to discuss, plan and agree an approach.

I hope that helps x

[Hidden]

We’ve already discussed money maternity etc we will be short he said he’d work some extra for a bit and I said I might just take 6 instead of 9 mths I only work part time anyways we’ll manage, and he works shifts so child care should work out mostly he’ll have baby whilst I’m at work next week my mam hopefully will or I’ll change my days that week.

[Afrohair]

Well after a terrible year off sick from work Furlough and falling pregnant I've now been told I'm not entitled to Maternity maternity allowance also dosent look hopeful for me as it dosent look like I've paid enough in as work part time I'm just having to either go back to work early or grin and bear it last baby ended up being in same predicament but wanted to go back to work so went back at 3 months partner has always worked nights I know it's going to be harder this time but if I don't go back to work which I'm hoping I will really scrimp back just to be with baby

[Claireeeeeeeeeeeee]

For us it's both our baby so maternity leave is both our financial issue in the same way the cost of childcare is. So we both saved to cover the difference and we both pay equally for childcare relative to our salary. I get that everyone treats money differently but you are already taking the career hit by taking time out to have the baby for both of you.

[roxannacar]

I find this very strange, my half and yours approach, when you live together, own a house together and are having a baby together. I normally pay most bills etc (mainly I do that as hubby is disorganised incl mortgage) and he pays for nursery, which was as much as the mortgage until recently. If there's a holiday etc big stuff to pay, he'll happily do that. I ask for money when needed or tell him I'm transferring money as I have access to his online accounts. He trusts me not to abuse that. We're lucky in that finances are not an issue so maybe that is the difference in outlook.

[Mookie_goose]

Thank you for all your replies. I agree with all your points 🙂. I'm sorry that you're not eligible for Mat leave and that it's a struggle for you Afrohair