How to tell my sister with fertility problems I'm pregnant

[lucyrlh]

Hi all

I found out last week I am pregnant. It was a bit of a shock as although we have been talking about it for a while I have been having tests which confirmed I have PCOS.

My sister also has PCOS and has been trying for a baby for nearly 2 years, whereas I got pregnant the first time we had unprotected sex.

The only thing I am worried about it telling my sister. She went back to work as a teacher in September and one of her colleagues announced she was pregnant and it really upset her, she came in to my parents shouting and swearing and I am just terrified how she is going to react to my news.

Any ideas on how to break it to her? Should I tell her on her own? Over the phone so if she gets upset I'm not there, with my parents, with her husband? Any ideas would be greatly appreciated!

[hspread]

I no exactly how you feel my sister also suffers with PCOS, she has sadly been TTC for 7 years, she has had a chemical two miscarriages with IVF treatment she has had 5 rounds so far and still has no baby, im pregnant with my third baby, well anyway I asked the ladies on the infertility page as they know how she feels, and they all suggested I either phone her or write a letter or something as it would be hard for me sister to tell her face to face, I phoned her and told her, she herself has said she was glad I did it that way as she was really sad when she first heard the news, hope this helps

[lucyrlh in reply to hspread]

Thank you. I thought calling would be the better idea. Definitely going to do that.

Good luck with your pregnancy

[hspread in reply to lucyrlh]

thank you, good luck with the phone call and pregnancy, she will probably be sad about it for a while but she will also be happy for you at the same time

[lucyrlh in reply to hspread]

Thank you. I have my first midwife appointment on Monday even though I'll only be 6 weeks because I'm disabled and take a lot of medication. Going to tell my parents to after the appointment and will call my sister when she's home from work.

[TH2016]

Hi. Im in very similar situation. I have pcos too and some does my youngest sister. The middle one doesnt and has e children. I have one and pregnant with 2nd. The youngest is ttc and is worse then myself. Her consultant cancelled once then 2nd appointment was.cancelled due to him passing away...now she is in a limbo as I know how desperate she is to have one. Im only 4/5 weeks so we havent told anyone yet. We are all meeting up tomorrow which she arranged so wonder if she has news or just wanting catch up.

[lucyrlh]

Oh wow, fingers crossed she has good news tomorrow! If not, how would you tell her? I am pretty sure I will tell her over the phone but would like to hear more opinions.

[TH2016 in reply to lucyrlh]

Im not entirely sure tbh. When our other sister had her youngest I found out via fb as the now bil's sister did congrates and.my sister hadnt chance to tell me herself. She can be grumpy and fiesty so I think id have tell my mum and fellas parents first ( our 1st together he has two from previous relationship but sadly she passed from cancer) and maybe get xmas card to auntie from my duaughter and bump as should be about 12+ weeks

[TH2016 in reply to lucyrlh]

Also 2 her work collegues are pregnant. She is a teacher

[TH2016 in reply to lucyrlh]

My sister did have good news she is due a little girl on 25th feb 2017.

[lucyrlh in reply to TH2016]

Oh wow! Congratulations to you both

[TH2016 in reply to lucyrlh]

Thanks. Only thing what I have left of my daughters baby stuff is in our mums loft and they don't know I'm expecting and mum is already showing sister stuff I have to 'pass one

[lucyrlh in reply to TH2016]

Oh no if you have a daughter you'll want that stuff won't you? Such a shame!

[TH2016 in reply to lucyrlh]

Hopefully things will be ok as we think we are expecting boy. Watch this space lol

[Hopeful1982]

It took my husband and I a number of years to conceive. It is really difficult to hear other people's pregnancy news as its a reminder that your not pregnant. It can also feel like everyone else's life is moving forward while yours is standing still. I'm still not sure the best way to tell someone the news but if she becomes upset comfort her. Tell her your sorry it's not happened for her yet. That you understand how difficult it is for her. She may need to shout and scream and vent but ultimately remember it's out of frustration at her own situation and not yours. There's actually a great forum on this site too run by infertility network uk. Your sister may find that a great source of support.

Congratulations on your pregnancy and good luck! x

[Kernishp]

Make sure you tell her personally and maybe try to tell her before you tell anyone else so she has time to work through her feelings before you're all 'put under the spotlight' so to speak. She will be happy for you but sad for herself. I would try to involve her as much as she wants in your pregnancy. One of the crappy things about infertility is the lack of control you have over it, if you try to give her some measure of control over how involved she is in your pregnancy then this might help her deal with it. Ultimately this is wonderful news for you and your partner and while it is very thoughtful of you to think of your sister's feelings you can't let her situation spoil yours. Congratulations!

[lucyrlh in reply to Kernishp]

Thank you.

I am going to tell my parents first as I know the first thing she'll do is call them if I haven't told them.

I'm definitely unsure as to whether I should tell her in person or over the phone!!

But I totally agree, I was told I'd have difficulties getting pregnant so getting pregnant first time is amazing for me and I don't want this to ruin what should be a happy time for me.

[ScienceGeek]

This is so sad as someone who was TTC for two and a half years, watching my brother have two kids in that time and my best friends all become mothers I can honestly say that hearing their news never once made me sad. In fact it helped me because why would I want other people I loved to go through the pain I was going through?! Plus I wanted a baby and here I was being surrounded by lots of lovely babies!!!! Babies who I would get to be apart of their lives. What DID upset me though was seeing random pregnant women smoking/drinking or hearing horror stories of child abuse on the news. Those women upset me. Did your sister like the woman at work who she got upset about? This is supposed to be a happy time for you, for your family!!! Your situation and your sisters are two separate things and I think that it would be really very sad if your sister could not be happy for you. You are not getting a baby at the expense of her and while it is important to support her through this journey similarly she should be there to support you though yours. Good luck!