Hi, i think im about 4 weeks pregnant... - Pregnancy and Par...
Hi, i think im about 4 weeks pregnant, my first pregnancy im in two minds about keeping my baby, i am absolutely petrefied about birth. Help
hey, hope ur ok, first thing don't rush into anything. is the reason u don't want the baby because of giving birth or other reasons? do u have a partner and do they know. If u do, sit down with them and discuss your fears. I am guessing it wasn't planned, I didn't plan my pregnancy and I was petrified, but we sat down discussed it and am now 34 weeks. I obviously don't know ur situation/ur age but think about it before rushing into anything. x
Yeah im with my partner, we did not plan this but have spoke about it in the past, im scared about giving birth i know ill be ok once buba is here as i have lots of experience (i work in a nursery have done last 3 years) im 20 in november, been with partner 3 years now. Hes really happy about it we spoke alot about it he understands me fully just scared x
This sort of decision is both a tough one to make & also a bit of a tough one to answer "for me"
Are you / have you being in a full term relationship with the potential baby's father ?
If so could their be a chance of the both of you working together to keep the baby.
Im not fully against abortions "or anything" but i do believe its the last resort/ decision a woman should take.
Never-less its your body & ultimately your decision to make & so if you feel as if you definetely couldnt go through it you will make the right decision for you.
I dont agree with abortions either, i dont think i could get one im just really freaking out i guess, my family will not be happy with me being pregnant which also isnt helping my situation, my partners family are very supportive of me and my choices, we have been together 3 years now, also childhood friends so very comfortable loving relationship were very happy together so theres no pressure from my relationship im just really scared especially with my work options as i wouldnt like to give work up x
I understand your fear about your family not being very happy about your pregnancy but in the end its a decision only you can make & if they love you will find it in their hearts to support you & get used to it.
If your other main concern is getting worried about work try not to worry too much as every "employed" expetant mother is entitled to some sort ofpaid" maternity leave. As you've being at the nursery for 3yrs your employer could not refuse you this without a very good reason.
Good luck with making a decision as I said before its a very difficult one to make but try not to worry about too much as it will only have its effect on you.
xx
take all the pain relief x
Hi, hope you are okay. I was in exact same situation as you. I was terrified, I didn't know what to do, we hadnt planned it. At the time I had just got a new job, moving into a new house that week, got a new car and then found out I was pregnant all in week! So was soo overwhelming and didnt know what to do. I was terrified of how my parents would react as I'm classed as "the baby" of the family, even though I'm 20! And I'm one of only two girls in the family( and we have a massive family!!) I am not a supporter of abortion but when you come into a situation like this and it isn't planned you do start to think. I went to discuss a termination, I got into the room and had it explained to me how it would be done(as didnt really know what happened) the nurse told me and I burst into tears and she told me to leave as she knew I shouldn't have been at the clinic! And I'm now 6 months pregnant and this is the happiest me and my partner have ever been before, we are soo happy and scared! More me! I am terrified about labour but all I keep thinking is as soon as my little one is out, whatever I have gone through in the past however many hours is not going to even cross my mind once I have him in my arms 
And I wouldnt stress over telling parents, at the end of the day it's your happiness and what you want to do. Do not let anyone decide for you as I promise it will be the biggest mistake of your life. I though my patents wouldn't speak to me ever again but when I told them they couldn't of been happier! Surprised but so happy! I have also been with my partner 3 years sorry for essay!! But I feel I know what your going through as been there! All I would say is do not make a rushed decision, because even thinking about that day I went for the discussion brings me to tears, I couldn't imagine life without my little one!
Haha! Snap - just brought a house, and had just interviewed for my dream job (and one of the top two, if not the top, registrar job in my chosen field!). Can't afford a car though!!!
Got the job, they've hired a locum for the period of my maternity leave, and all is well with the world (massive maternity drop in salary aside!!)
Wow, thats a real nice story, this is what im hopeing for, its a bit harder as i still live at home, but the only thing holding me back is birth i have anxiety and fear hospitals/needles/pain lol i have researched alot the last couple of days and have found alot out, im baby of family too! Its so nice to hear that! Nice that someone went through how im feeling atm! Thank you x
Everything u r worried about is completely rational. Ok your family might not be pleased and telling them might be on ur mind, I was worried but their reaction made me cry just as they were happy and was such a relief. Its up to u how long u giv up work for and as u work in a nursery I am sure if u wanted too wud there not b possibility to hav baby there with u. By the sounds of things u will b a gd mum and ur in a solid relationship, x
I know, ive had a good hard think about this, im just in shock my head is all over the place! At the end of it my family will be there for me, they will not walk away from me i know its just the reaction im worried for, and maybe with the birth i should watch some vids? Or will that make me worse lol? X
I’m only 20 and I got caught by a absolute arsehole! He’s threatened me ect told me to have a abortion or he’s going to take full custody of my bubba! I’ve blocked him on all social media and told him to bugger off basically haha! I ain’t aborting my child for no one especially him I’ve had to lose sm to carry my baby and I ain’t getting a termination at all I see my midwife in 9 days to be booked in for my first scan! I’m so excited honestly! keep ya head high and think it will all be worth it in the end
I get the impression you will be just fine :-). You've clearly begun bonding ('my baby' rather than 'it'). I too was terrified of child birth, and I was unlucky and had a fairly grewling time of it, BUT...
1) through out my pregnancy I was adamant this was an only child
2) after delivery I was VERY adamant Sam was an only child!
3) today is his due date, he's three weeks on Monday, and I've surprised myself massively in thinking he will need a brother or sister! (By elective c-section!!!)
I think the thought of abortion (for the same reason) crossed my mind a few times during the first two weeks after finding out I was growing a human, but I think that's all part of the adaptation process. I thought I was too selfish to have a baby, and didn't want to compromise my career in anyway etc. Now Samuel is easily the best thing that ever happened to me
Talk things over with a good friend, or ask your GP for early referral to antenatal services: many have excellent counsellors on staff... Xxx
Thank you all for your amazing advice it is really helping me to get over this first hurdal of pregnancy! It is my baby and my partners baby, i know we can get through any situation but when something like this hits you in the face you start to have doubts and shock takes over! Im still so young and not ready for a baby but its happening now! We have to accept it and deal with it! Its so nice to know im not the only one, as ive felt very alone recently and stuck at a dead end, but things always work out! Just a little time to come to terms with it xx
Haha I had to get a new car as my old one fell apart - literally! It is a massive shock, and I didn't come to term with it for ages, I still have those days where I sit down and think oh my goodness, im having a baby, im going to become a mother! But then he kicks.. and I just think wow! It is a big shock, and my career was just taking off and I kept thinking I shouldn't be having a baby, I should be out doing this and that! But it dosent mean anything has to change, you can still do everything that you have planned in life just possibly at a slower rate and instead of being a two, you will be a three! Im so excited now for my wee one - I get to relive my childhood aswell with them growing up cant wait for Christmases and trips to Disneyland! As for vids - it depends really! I have been watching one born every minute, think I have watched every one! People said I was mad watching them but it actually kind of calmed me down, and I just cry (in a good way!) every time I watch them! At least we get pain relief these days!x
Lol ive always watched one born but as soon as it comes to the camera going down below i go all funny and have to look away!! I know its a beautiful thing but its horrible for me!! I hope this comes with time too... Lol or ill be in a right old state! X
I'll be having my 2nd child in November of this year & I still find it hard to watch "one born" LOL!!
You'll be fine
xx
It's A big shock to the system when u find out ur pregnant especially if it wasn't planned but u need to give urself time to get ur head around it. .. ur a grown up uhave a partner and u support urself so don't let ur family tell u any different. .. they have all the pain relief u need at hospu could just opt for an epidural as soon as and then it's just pushing at the end where u don't feel pain they just tell u when to push so it's as easy as that Oh and congratulations xx
Hi there, I can totally understand your fear. Childbearing for the first time at any age is frightening. I was 19 when I had my first son and I didn't know what hit me the experience was overwhelming but I got through it and my son is 16 next month, (2nd is now 10yo and I'm 28 weeks with no3). A child doesn't stop you getting on with life it just alters your priorities.
I'm a bit concerned that you would consider termination rather than take the pregnancy journey because of a fear labour.
There are so many stories about labour, every woman has one and often they are negative, but I've never met woman with a newborn who has said it's not worth the effort. Labour will be the hardest days work you will do in your life but in proportion to the length of pregnancy its a very short process and fearing pain is only a route to extending the process and intervention. Sure there are several women who do encounter difficulties who need medical intervention or develop conditions which make birthing harder, but in reality, the majority of ladies have babies without drama. TV isn't the best was to educate yourself as each pregnancy and birth is individual.
On the other hand, termination is final - what's done is done at the end of the process and you will always carry that in your heart. I would suggest that you take some time to talk to someone trust, and reflect on what you want. Whatever you decide is best for you, you will need to be brave to conquer your fears full stop.
You'll make the right decision in time. Thinking of you
This decision can only be made by you and your partner and no one else. If your family will disapprove I would maybe not tell them until your decision has been made.
You are obviously in a very loving relationship which is so reassuring and Mother Nature has given you the chance to bring a baby into this world, which is always a little miracle in itself. Look at your age as an advantage... I am 38 and 25 weeks with my first and I worry how I will manage a second ... You will have all the time in the world to nurture your new child and then choose if you want to grow your family.
Don't reeled pressured by anyone...what's right for you at this time in your life?
Have faith you will make the right decision for you !,, xxxxx
When I was pregnant with my first, I was sick for the first 5 months then had the WORST heartburn for the last 4. I had carpal tunnel syndrome too.
I was totally miserable and convinced that giving birth was going to feel like being split in half. I thought it was going to be total agony, but I was also totally against the idea of any of the pain relief options!
I was in a right pickle! 
When it came to it, it was nowhere near as bad as I thought it was going to be! In fact, I kept waiting for it to get unbearable and it didn't!
Was 6 hours from arriving in hospital and I only had gas and air in the end!
And there he was! The most precious and amazing little bundle in the world!
AND I didn't fell sick anymore, the heartburn and carpal tunnel both disappeared!
Since then, I have gone through this total madness twice more and these little people are the most important thing in the world to me.
I'm not totally sure that any of this will have helped, but I just wanted to say that it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be.
Good luck with whatever you decide! It is YOUR body and YOUR life, so YOUR decision.
Louise
x
I think that the fear of labour is a very common thing and most women will experience it with their first especially. I'm 28yo next month and I'm 13+wks pregnant. I am pooing my pants about labour and I am scared about actually being a mum even though its been my dream for a long time.
In short, I think what u are feeling is natural and normal. Only u will know what decision is right for u and ur partner. By the sounds of it, ur child will be very lucky and have two loving, doting parents Take good care of urself and do what is best for u xxx
So i got my family totaly wrong my mum and brother were happy, my dad not so much, i feel so much better about my pregnancy now! Alot of stress and hormones last few days! Im pleased to let everyone know that i will be keeping my baby no matter what comes my way, birth is part of it im still petrified about it but ill just take what i can to relieve my pain! You guys have helped me so much with your amazing stories and advise, i guess i was in a state of shock confusion and fear of bringing another life into my world! I know i can do this! I feel like a ton of bricks have been lifted of my shoulders! Xx
Glad it went well for you telling them congrats on the pregnancy and good for you making the decision that's right for you
Its a great feeling when everyone knows isn't it? So happy for you, now its time to relax!! And don't worry about labour until you have to! Enjoy your pregnancy, and congratulations to you and your partner x
Good for you babe,
I remember stressing about telling my family about my 1st pregnancy "back in 2008"
Once i got it off my shoulders it was as if i was walking on air.
Well done & good luck for the rest of your pregnancy
xx
Thank you all for your support! It feels amazing to be able to relax now xx
Hi Boo, so lovely to read your story so far here and all the support everyone has given too. If you look back at your messages I guess you can see that you knew the answer to your own question and just needed people to believe in you and back you up. When it comes to your pregnancy and the birth of your baby you need that too - people to believe in you and be with you all the way. My bit of advice, for what it's worth, is to be really up front with your midwife from the off when you first meet her that you are feeling pretty scared about the birth and that you are looking for support, it's part of her job to help you prepare mentally and emotionally for birth and parenthood. When it comes to films etc. I don't think the fact that you don't enjoy seeing birth 'from the business end' on One Born is a reflection on what your own experience will be like - that is not what our experience of birth is anyway we are at the other end - if you know what I am saying! You have lots of time to look into all your options regarding pain relief etc. In my experience though it was not the pain of labour which was the big fear factor but the fear of being in hospital and feeling 'on the slab' and that I wasn't in control. Finding out about my right to choose how I gave birth and taking control was really what made the difference for me. NCT classes can help with that, but just understanding that you always have the right to make your own decisions about the birth of your baby changed my life and births completely. If you do want to watch birth stories, track down the positive ones. One Born does tend to hand pick the most 'interesting' stories and people and really doesn't give a representative idea of what birth is like in general (I've never met a midwife who thought it was a true picture). Take all the encouragement & support you can get. You can do it. Your body can give birth to your baby, it is designed just right for growing and bringing your baby into the world. All the very best to you.
Congratulations hun xx now you can enjoy your pregnancy xxxx
