Feeling low and resentlful

[Lalunya]

Hi guys. This is my first post so far, and I think I'm not looking for answers as such - I just want to find out whether other people have experienced similar feelings and emotions.

This is my first pregnancy and I'm 8.5 weeks now. My initial response to having the baby was excitement and joy - and my partner shares these feelings. Recently though I have started having some mixed feelings. I was planning to start a university course in September, which has to be put on hold for now (I can't imagine giving birth in January and then returning to uni straight after - what do you think?). I also feel that my body has started to change - the edges are rounding out, I think I have already started gaining weight, my belly is often bloated and also more "flabby" than it used to.

I'm getting married in a few weeks and obviously wanted to look great. Instead I feel like I'm putting on weight, and looking tired due to lack of sleep and feeling sick all the time. I feel very sick all day long, but eating seems to help, and I haven't (yet) had the urge to throw up, so am probably eating more than usual.

I had to give up this course, give up rock climbing, going out in the evenings (too weak and tired) etc. and I'm starting to feel resentful for all the things that this little baby is taking away from me.

I feel horrible for feeling this - I wish I could just be a serene, healthy mother-to-be who looks forward to her baby's arrival, but if I'm honest, at the moment this pregnancy is really draining the life out of me.

Thanks for reading.

[Hidden]

Your not alone hun! Trust me I'm now 19+wks pregnant now with my 2nd child & I feel very low, tired & resentful almost nearly every day. Its not as if I dont want to be pregnant because I do (I'm very happy to be doing this now as I'm getting on in the age department now at 33yrs old) but the level of tired-ness & a very irritating pain I get in ribs when I go to bed every evening has just left me feeling fed-up, emotional & just tired.

The best thing I have to look forward to right now is the fact I have my 20wk scan appointment coming up "this thursday" morning so I'll also be finding out the gender of the baby (as well as checking everything is A , O.K.

It definetely gets better, as the pregnancy goes on, so dont beat yourself up about it, You'll be fine. xxx

[Lalunya in reply to Hidden]

Thank you Abenaa! I have to wait another four weeks for my 12 week scan...patience.

In addition to the worries about my own life and future, I'm worrying every day that something will go wrong with my pregnancy - eight weeks is still early days... I knew I would be devastated if something went wrong and would probably end up blaming myself, thinking that the negative thoughts have caused this.

All we can do is keep trying to work through all of these ambivalent feelings I suppose. This emotional rollercoaster is draining though!

[fk1953]

Hi!

You're definitely not on your own, in fact I could have written that. I was not only a regular climber but had a 4-week expedition to Nepal booked when I found out I was pregnant. I was beyond gutted, had been saving for it for years. I had taken a contract job specifically to b able to take a few months out for travelling before I settle down to the whole family thing - and no one understands just how much those extra 6 months mattered.

You won't feel like doing anything much for the next few weeks, but the awful tiredness and nausea do wear off, at which point there is no reason not to keep climbing. I've bought myself a pregnancy harness (have a look at urbanrock, they're selling a petzl one) and have carried on climbing, admittedly at a much easier level. I'm 26 weeks and went to the climbing wall last week. You can continue to do a lot more than you think you can - I'm 35 and even for me the change in energy between the first and second trimester is really massive. Assuming you have no complications, the only issue is that non-climbers think it's irresponsible.

I've also had some really down days, even recently, where I feel like my life is over, but really it's about what you think is possible with a baby. I'm going to rebook the Nepal trip in a few years, so that I don't go through life resenting the child.

You can start the course later - I know it seems impossible now, but I have one friend who did a whole accountancy degree with a 2-year-old.

xFreya

[Lalunya in reply to fk1953]

Thank you Freye - what you write really mirrors my experiences! And thanks very much for the tipp regarding the harness! I had no idea they exist - will definitely research this after the wedding and the first 12 weeks are over and I start feeling more strength. I've gone back to swimming this week at least, which feels good.

Of course you will find a way to go to Nepal even when your baby is here - just like I will (hopefully) find a way to do my course. I'm trying to tell myself that life doesn't stop when you have a child. But I suppose our minds are shaped by our experiences, and my own mother gave up a lot when she had her children, and has been a "sacrificer" all of her life. I don't want my child(ren) to grow up with the same burden that I grew up with - that somehow they are responsible for my unhappiness, and therefore need to spend their life trying to make up for it.

I want to be a different, more spontaneous and adventurous kind of parent, but am still scared of getting it all wrong, of turning into a boring person who has no ambitions and dreams outside of the home.

[Hidden]

The first 12 weeks are not the greatest you feel crap hormones are all over the place...but after 12 weeks you start to feel better you start looking pregnant and your hormones start to even out, it's life changing and it takes a while to get your head round things its so normal x

[donna2013]

Pregnancy is an emotional rollercoaster, just ride with it and take each day as it comes. Look for each milestone such as your scans and appointments, kicks etc as a day closer to seeing your baby. And whilst you may not be able to do your uni course at the moment you may be able to do it later when the baby is a bit older. You may even decide that your current chosen path/course is not for you once you hold your baby. Personally I couldn't bear the thought of someone else caring for my baby whilst I was at work and I'm happy to be a stay at home mum. I think of it as a new career. I am now pregnant with my 4th baby. It's hard work but I love the fact that my children have learnt everything from me and their dad and they make me so proud when they come home from school with certificates etc. As for the wedding just make sure you have your dress fitted right and book a makeup artist to make you feel fabulous and ok you may have a bump on the day but I'm old fashioned and think parents should be married or at least have a commitment to each other before baby comes so well done on that one. By then you'll probably feel a bit better too. Try and be positive and if you have a bad day don't worry tomorrow is another day.

[gigglysheep]

talk to your chosen uni, u may find they have procedures in place, especially for exam times around the time you are due. Many are very willing to help and will even excuse you from classes and send your material home. U can even do some courses part time (although this means studying for 6yrs rather than the usual 3 or even take your course through the open university and do everything at home in your own time. There are options out there, please dont feel like being pregnant is the end coz its only the beginning! Also talk to your doc about baby blues as the low feelings u have may be hormone based aswell. Whatever you decide, I hope u feel better soon xx