My daughter in law wants me to have the grandchildren over night on Sunday. Yesterday they went on the train to London. Went to the theatre and museums etc. No one had masks on and everywhere was very crowded. Covid is prevalent here. I really want to have them but very undecided if it’s a good idea. We are double jabbed (and people are still catching it young and old) and they would do a home test. Would appreciate any thoughts
Advice please: My daughter in law wants me to have... - PMRGCAuk
Advice please
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Joanbill13
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DorsetLadyPMRGCAuk volunteer
Well, they have a time to take a couple of tests before they come…so really it up to you…..but if you need to ask, then that says you are not 100% sure.
I am so undecided thought I would ask people on here for their thoughts as you all understand. My husband would just have them. Not sure these home tests are reliable. I just love having them.
It a very difficult decision , your head probably says no, but your heart says yes…..but I think you really have to take the sensible decision this time around….there will be other times in the future……and I’m sure they’d be devastated if they were to pass it on…
Thank you. You are so right. As I keep saying to everyone. Fed up with covid and PMT now🙁🙁
In my case the lateral flow test was very reliable, I tested positive and then got a PCR test the same day, also positive. I have had both of my vaccinations but it has still knocked me for 6 and taking immunosuppressants really haven’t helped.
Hope you feel better soon 🙏🤞🍀
That’s interesting that it worked well but think PMRpro is right you have to get right to the back of throat and up your nose. Not sure everyone would do that. My PCR tests were quite unpleasant
All depends on the viral load - lots of virus even a lateral flow not done well will say yes
That’s a relief
Mmm - but to many people take a negative result as meaning its all OK. And it may not be.
My friend was negative in the morning and positive by the evening
You’re not comfortable and as you say double jabbed is good but not 100%. Also if they were in contact yesterday it will be just four days and perhaps too early for everyone to reliably show positive. It’s hard to know when is the earliest to catch everybody with a test. Perhaps if they need to do this again that they curb their movements in the 10 days prior, as courtesy if nothing else.
Thank you for reply. I think you are right. It’s what I feel but so want to have them. Doesn’t happen very often but we have been isolating and careful all these months. Would be awful to risk it all now. It’s another thing if you catch it accidentally
I know how you feel. We are having our Twinning group over from France in a couple of months. They are asking for people to put visitors up in their homes. I am none too sure about the idea.
Things might be clearer in a couple of months. Wouldn’t really like to risk it at the moment with us being immunosuppressed.
They are talking about a mini lockdown. I agree with you, I would be careful. A friend of mine has had two jabs, a teacher and very fit, has just caught Covid. She said it is awful and would not wish it on her worst enemy and she has not had to go to hospital.
• in reply topiglette
My niece is a teacher and double jabbed got Covid and now her mum also double jabbed has it, she has asthma….
I really feel for you Joanbill. It's clear that you're torn and it's really up to you but perhaps, this time, you shouldn't let your heart rule your head??? Hard decision for you: you have to feel comfortable with whatever you do.
You are so right. I am so torn. I don’t get asked to have the grandchildren very often and love them so much. This covid business had so much to answer for and indeed PMR.
This is upsetting you, Joan, and you don't need the stress- it's not good for you. You could do as DorsetLady has suggested and ask that they take tests but in any case your DIL must be reminded that you are very vulnerable and that the advice for the autoimmune is to continue to take great care and to limit social interactions until such times that it's considered safe.One of the main problems is that the powers that be announced (rashly, in my opinion) when the latest restrictions were eased that people on the shielded patients list don't need to shield any more and the general public picks up on that.
I wish I were able to tell you what to do but only you can decide.
If you decide that you won't have the children over you will be sad. If you do have them over you will worry. Do read through other's comments again and make your decision. 💐
Thank you for your thoughts . That’s exactly right! Sad not to and worried if I do. Everyone has been helpful as usual. So good to have this group. Have been awake in the night thinking. Guess it is for the best not to and my son fully understands. They would do flow tests but sure if we can fully trust those x
That's it then, Joan. Now you can stop worrying. To have your wise son's support is reassuring and calming. Take it easy today with a clearer mind and look forward to better times.
Didn't read the post to the end so answered before your reply to 123-go. 🍀🍀
If the stakes are high, you can’t trust the rapid tests. They are ok if the situation says that a negative is desirable in order to stop a situation getting out of hand but not if it means a false negative could be devastating. I suspect we will have to eventually decide on our risk level and step out into the new world but for me there is still too little data on the exact outcome of the vacations as a population and our services are still struggling. For some who feel they have less to fear may not get quite how scary it is for others. I notice parents have had to become either fatalistic because they have been launched into a largely unprotected world of schooling and their kids are mixing freely, or the deep end approach hasn’t ended in crisis for them. It is easy to forget that some are still anxious and still don’t really have enough data to make that choice just yet; we are still in the period of doing lots of firsts. For example we still don’t have big data on how long people hang on to their antibodies but more crucially even if they test low for the types on antibody tested, does it mean they are vulnerable because they may not be thanks to other parts of the immune system. So, I don’t think it’s doom and gloom yet. I have found it difficult to find a definitive instruction on when after exposure one can show positive on a test. Nearly all articles speak about infectiousness prior to symptoms showing and not in terms of visiting grandma. This puts it well I think
medical.mit.edu/covid-19-up...
It seems next day after exposure is likely pointless, two days quite possible but for some incubation takes up to 14 days. The end comment is that if it is critical a person should isolate for 14 days before putting themselves in contact with a vulnerable person. I could see many saying, “sod it, life’s too short for that sort of hassle”. In the end it’s trying to accommodate everyone’s wishes which can be a tough call.
But there seems to be evidence that with the delta variant you can be infectious 24 hours after contact with someone even if you don't test positive. I think the biggest problem with the lateral flow tests is they aren't done by trained people - I had one in the hospital here the other day - the nurse agreed with me that no-one is likely to shove it far enough up their nose themselves!!! They have different ones here for children, slightly different techinque and they are used where needed 2x a week. But it hasn't stopped a local summerschool staying near Venice from having 82 out of 200+ children positive by today, just 4 days after the first positive was found.
And the major problem now, with masks being a matter of choice, is that children and vaccinated adults can be spreading it around liberally before you know,
I’m sure we aren’t shoving it up our nose or down our throats like the professionals. I’ve had it done 3 times in Hospital but when I did it at home it wasn’t the same even though I tried hard.!
Thanks for your long reply. My thoughts exactly All very applicable especially for us with PMR. My nerves are jangling enough with trying to taper lol
Why don't you talk to your son and DIL and tell them how you feel? Surely they will understand and try to find someone else to look after the children - or postpone their journey.
They do understand - the other grandparents will have the children. it’s just me that’s fed up with the situation. Pmr and covid are now getting depressing. I just wanted to hear what other people in my situation would do. Only others with PMR know how I feel. It’s so lovely having the children and they don’t ask very often. Guess I will give it a miss this time.
Treat yourself to some forbidden fruit over the weekend and try to relax - you will see the Grandchildren soon no doubt - perhaps in the garden?!? 💐💐
Perhaps a phone call to the grandchildren will boost your spirits. Tell them although you can’t see them at this time, you are looking forward to future (hopefully soon) visits with them. I hope you can relax and feel better about your decision soon. 🌷
Good idea thank you
PMRproAmbassador
If it were me I wouldn't - they should have thought about coming to you before throwing the masks away and going to crowds.
Thank you. It’s so difficult I do want to have them. Fed up with this covid business and PMR. One could get depressed
Oh I do get that - and yes, it's getting boring now! But there are risks - and we are vulnerable.
How about if you ask your daughter and son to have the tests but also ask them to drop off the children and not come into to contact with you dropping off and collecting the children. Not sure what age your grandkids are. Very hard for you I would be upset just as you feel.But we do need to be careful ourselves and as you said we have all kept ourselves safe and done what was asked of us. It's a very difficult situation that your kids have put you in.
Maybe if you do have them wear masks all the time and make sure they wash their hands loads etc.
Good luck x
Children are quite as capable of passing on the virus as any adult. They have just had a summer camp break up in disarray here in Italy as 63 of the group have tested positive. All delta variant - one person has infected almost all of them by yesterday. And this was with 2x weekly lateral flow testing as is normal for work and schools here.
Agree with everyone else, and would add to PMRPro’s comment that the onus shouldn’t be on you to feel guilt for being cautious, but perhaps family could have taken more precaution before bringing an uncertain outside world into your space. And yes, there’ll be another time, one hopes before too long...
PMRpro's comment is almost exactly expressing my feelings. At the very least they could have arranged a different kind of get together - no staying in your home, but a nice outing somewhere uncrowded, but not to stay with you this time. It's so much more safe outdoors. I thoroughly empathise. I have a granddaughter who is now 2, and I last saw her when she was 4 months old. I'm old enough to be a great grandmother, so this was a long time coming, so even harder, and collectively our two families have decided to wait, possibly until next year. They don't feel safe travelling with an unvaccinated toddler, and I don't feel safe travelling to them as a possibly not very immune old person, either of us can put the other at risk. And then we learn how ineffective the vaccines are at preventing infection, so all in all it's not a good situation for your family or for mine, But one day, one day, we will be able to see and spend time with them. 💕
I think they had masks it was the rest of London who didn’t lol.
My neighbours have three children, all at school, They parents will not allow those children anywhere near me. I have had the vaccine and so have the Parents.
Those kids know how far is 3 meters- more than I do. I still work in feet. 🤔
Hi, I’ve just had the same here, my daughter and grandkids came here for a few days and then we went to them for a few days, I did worry re covid but wanted to see the kids. They are all very aware of covid and wear masks anytime they go in shops and crowded places, all had covid test before we arrived.
My only advice for you is do what you feel is ok, my biggest problem was I felt so exhausted afterwards.
Xx
Thanks for your reply. Know what you mean about exhausted 😂😂
Hi Joanbill just saw your question and to tell you my experience. I am 76 and just over Covid which I probably got from my grandchildren. They tested positive at the same time. Both were at a creche. It was just like flu but I was very depressed. Can't explain the feeling in my head. Going to miss other grandchildren Confirmation tomorrow and also they took away my carer for my brother who I look after and won't let him return until my brother has negative test even though he was OK. They said it was because I didn't isolate from him but how could I isolate when they took away his carer. They change the rules every other day. Anyway I don't know what to advise you. It's so easy to catch it from kids but like you I love having them. Good luck.
Thank you. It’s such a dilemma as I don’t have them often. My husband is now fed up with me wondering what to do !
The jab does not stop you catching COVID or passing it on. My advice, as an infectious diseases nurse is to stay away.
Thank you x
They should understand the stress they are putting you under. Explain to them how you feel. Hope it gets sorted for you
It might be a good idea to send them a printout of the responses on this website. They might get a better idea of what others are advising. They might also get an idea of how devastating PMR and steroid treatment is.
Maybe a good compromise would be to have them over in a week or so after you have discussed the risks with son and DIL and perhaps ask them to be careful beforehand. That way London should be well out the way.
I'm being very cautious and wouldnt like the idea either but I understand you want to see them.
Maybe a garden get together on a nice day?
Yes that will be in a couple of weeks for sons birthday. It’s just so lovely having them overnight all to ourselves. But I won’t! If we caught covid by accident that would be another matter
I am of the same mind as others . Wouldn’t risk it . My son and daughter in law both have covid at the moment . Both double jabbed and are feeling very poorly with it . I would worry so much in your position that it would spoil my time with them .
You are right thank you
Perhaps you can meet them outside...just avoid the overnight. I have a similar problem. But we only meet occasionally outside and keep our distance. I don't want to catch Covid from them...but I am also concerned how terrible it would be if they had to grow up knowing they had made me so ill...
• in reply toagingfeminist
Exactly, well said.
I really feel for you Joanbill13. We all love having our grandchildren when we can, but sadly Covid has prevented us from seeing our little one on a few occasions. The bottom line is, you have to follow your heart no do what you feel is best.
And maybe the next time they ask, gently suggest they not go into such busy places beforehand.
As many of you already know, I caught Covid 7 days ago. I think I have been fairly lucky with just a two day temperature, runny nose, sneezing and a little cough. As long as you e been double jabbed, the worst thing you have to bear is the loneliness of living on one’s own for ten days and nights. Without seeing a soul. My husband is unfortunately in a care home. I have no idea where I caught it but as we are all leading normal lives now, we sometimes have to take a chance in life. I’m the only person of my generation to have caught it and my friends are shocked. It is most unusual to have caught it.
But at least track and trace tell me I have 90 days free of tests- I am totally protected now with antibodies, so I am much looking forward to Monday and leading a normal life again. There’s always a silver lining…
It’s your choice but the fact you are asking on this forum tells me you feel you should not do it. You will get mixed messages from members but if this site was not a health led forum you would still get mixed messages. Frankly I think your DIL should nit have put you in this position in the first place. My opinion is keep yourself and your husband safe.
Joanbill13• in reply to
Thank you. You are right. I did just needed to hear other views. OH would say “we can do it “. He is very easy going
"We" or "you"???? That's what mine would mean 
Yep same here “me” 😂
Joan, Hi - l wasn’t around yesterday so just catching up, how old are your Grandchildren?
We’ve had Charlotte now three years old quite a lot this year but we were bubbled with them plus Mummy & Daddy we’re working from home.
It’s going to be a very different scenario come September when she goes to Nursery but it’s the other Childhood Nasties that concern me most as l’m on Methotrexate, they can be as insurmountable as Covid……
They are 6 and 8. We have had them recently overnight when they’d only been at school. but it’s the fact they went to London by train, the theatre and museums on Wednesday that bothers me. My son said no one was wearing masks and it was terribly crowded. Said He wouldn’t visit us for a couple of days. They would do flow tests but I think it takes a few days for a positive result to show. Sunday is not very long after travelling Wednesday. There are a lot of covid cases in this area. I feel nervous having been so careful all this time. You must be careful once she is mixing more. Take care
I would say it's not worth the risk. Whatever they want to do isn't worth you becoming ill. I am trying not to say yes everytime someone asks me to do something. I love helping people but I am going to learn to say no.
Good luck with your decision. Be strong!
Coincidentally this arrived in my mailbox just after I read through this thread:
covidvisitrisk.com/decision...
Questionnaire takes about 10 minutes to complete. One failing is that it only asks about oldest person in group, not the youngest, otherwise it's likely to give a reaasonably accurate assessment of risk.
That’s a coincidence. I looked through it quickly but wasn’t sure it was meant for having grandchildren to stay
I think it's for everyone and any situation. I did it with a proposed family gathering for next weekend in mind (a birthday party for two adults but whole family invited, including young children, and a few friends). Probably because of where I live and the fact that all adults are fully vaccinated (you are not invited if you aren't) the risk level came out as low. We have very low incidence of covid at present. I had actually guessed the risk to be moderate!
I didn’t finish survey but might go back to it
I found it quite interesting, although like all these things when there are limited replies available sometimes you can't quite tell the truth!
My heart goes out to you. Like you I’ve been longing for my granddaughters to come for a sleepover. It used to be almost fortnightly pre COVID and now we barely see them. We discussed the possibility of them coming this week to stay but as they are still seeing friends we decided occasional days in the garden would be best. Mostly because they were worried that they might make us ill and I didn’t want them to have to deal with that guilt if the worse were to happen. I hope you manage to come to some arrangement which allows you to spend time with your grandchildren. Best wishes
Thank you
My husband and his adult son went to a funeral on August 1-2. It tured out to be a super spreader and a lot of attendees got the Delta variant. My son and my husband shared a hotel bed and another couple were in the same hotel room too. All four have been vaccinated. My husband is the only one of the four who tested negative, twice! It makes no sense but we were certainly relieved. My point is you just can't be too carful right now. The Delta variant is sooo contagious.
Thank you. Glad your husband is ok. I think things are just as worrying now as there were to start with. It’s easier NOT to be careful
PMRproAmbassador
There is not yet an mRNA flu vaccine available - it is just starting clinical trials.
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Joan, I hope you have found this discussion helpful. I am now turning off replies as some comments were disrespectful to our members and contained misinformation. These have been deleted.
Fran
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