I'm going to have a lovely new kitchen. It's all part of the 'bungalow downstairs' idea so the house is nice and comfortable on the ground floor. Just at the moment it's not so comfortable. Today is probably as bad as it gets - cold, damp, dusty and draughty. My neighbour is making life pretty difficult even though we've gone through the correct planning process so today I have to sit down and write a tedious letter to his solicitor.
Life's too short to waste time being disagreeable. I wish I could just sit down with a cup of tea to sort it all out. Somehow I don't think that's going to happen.
Any suggestions anyone?
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Hi Annie,
I haven't any advice on the "Neurotic Neighbour" issue (but it's a good catchphrase) I do hope it will be resolved soon...but I have a good idea....when your kitchen is up and running you could have a "viewing" of you lovely new kitchen...with a charge of course all proceeds to OvaCome...pay back time that should wind up your N.N.s nicely...and who can complain about a worthy cause?.. haha!! Best wishes on all fronts love x G x
What a brilliant idea Gwyn. I feel so much better having something positive to think about. Do you think I should slip an invitation in next door? Might just send him into orbit? Well an invite wouldn't go amiss would it. Would show I'm trying to be friendly. xx
Could you imagine all your OvaCome friends arriving for the day viewing you kitchen and then going out somewhere for lunch? (ladies that lunch) it would be great ...if you invite your NnN (see my comment to Wendy lower down) you must remember to write in large letters "CANCER" at the top and by the way that would be just for the viewing..the trip out to Lunch OC friends only haha xx
Hey if all you ladies came to admire my kitchen I wouldn't take you out to lunch. I'd cook up a storm!
Now I love your attitude Gwyn. I shall design a formal invitation. The money shall be devoted to People with Cancer who wish to Remain in Their Own Homes. ha ha. That's all of us isn't it??? My neighbour will need to hold a similar fundraising event for People Who Waste their Money on Solicitors.
Now you've got me thinking about my kitchen party and cooking again. A good thing Bab's has had her operation as she didn't want to be reminded of food.
I'm off now to my daughter's house. It's my twin grand-daughter's 4th birthday and I'm helping with the party. To see their laughing faces will cheer me up no end and help me forget about the thundercloud next door.
Thanks for cheering me up ladies. I feel so much better now. xxxx
Neighbours and planning disputes - what a nightmare!!
Good luck with it - I'm afraid that, once solicitors are involved, there is little hope of an amicable interaction however much you might crave it!
It would be interesting to know what percentage of neighbour-related problems are planning-based.
How I wish I had you for a neighbour! I'd give nearly anything for a resolution based on common sense. A lot cheaper than a solicitor! I'm not paying for one as I have done everything correctly and the letter I had from the neighbour's solicitor was rather batty - not to mention littered with misspellings and poor grammar. I rather think you're right about the downward spiral once solicitors are involved. I just don't see any way out right now and when I can't fix things it makes me feel really sad.
Thanks for your comments and advice. Not really a cancer-related issue - except that the reason I'm doing this is to be able to stay in my own home when the going gets tough.
The bizarre thing about this 'planning based' neighbour dispute is that we have 3 sets of planning and conservation regs to go through to get any building work done so I can't quite get my head round the problem.
What a wonderful idea! The kitchen will be well worth all the aggro when you get it done, I am sure. It's awful when you're at the tearing it all down stage, but when it all starts coming back to how it will be, it's great. ;-D
Now...... don't get me started on NN (nutty neighbours, I call mine!) even the police (OH YES!!!!!! we got reported to them one time!) told me that there were some people who are "more mad than bad". It helped me to think that way. Now their house is on the market, so please send all your wishes, girls I know it can be a real stress point though. There is enough stress in our lives without creating extra, so I hope it all gets resolved as amicably as it can.
Good luck. Just focus on how gorgeous your new kitchen will look.
Thanks Wendy. It's comforting to hear that other people who are perfectly reasonable get into difficulties with neighbours. It's never happened to me before.
What on earth was your neighbour doing reporting you to the police!??? Ah I've just remembered my neighbour phoned the police years ago. He spotted my groceries delivery van early in the morning and reported someone delivering something suspicious to his door. They'd dropped off my groceries in the wrong porch. Perhaps he was always a NN in the making.
I'll focus on the positives and shall start planning my kitchen party. At the moment I can't quite imagine it being finished. Thanks for the kind words. 'm sure I'll feel fine tomorrow. xxxx
Talking about police and neighbours... my Son heard his elderly neighbour who is deaf... shouting out in the middle of the night... so he tried to go to help but without success... so called the police who came round and broke in...only to find the startled old biddy was fast asleep having a bad dream haha xx
ha ha ha! Let's have more of these bad neighbour/good neighbour stories. I'm not sure whether your son is a bad or a good one but his heart is in the right place. lol xxx
He said his heart was beating fast as she woke him up..and he thought she was being murdered...he felt awful that they broke her door to get in...poor dear she must have had such a shock I think she was glad he was looking out for her though haha xx
I'll take care not to snore too loudly tonight. My neighbour might just use it as an excuse to break in and put me out of my misery!
I love my elderly neighbours in the avenue. They're all so interesting and have such wonderful memories. Some are fantastic characters and I could sit with them talking for hours.
Haha Wendy...nutty is good too... so "Neurotic Nutty Neighbours" it is then..N.N.N unless someone else has anything to add to this but pleeese stay on the N theme haha love x G x
I would be inclined to ignore their solicitor's letter. Nothing infuriates a lawyer more than being ignored. Especially since you have gone thru' the right procedure. Some people have very small minds, but some people think I have a very small mind, I'm sure.
I think you're absolutely right. Actually the letter wasn't even addressed to me. The solicitor had gone muddled and the letter was addressed to his client, my neighbour, at my address. I'm still looking at it wondering what on earth I should do.
Yes, I think I shall ignore the letter. The mess will get better, the solicitor probably won't.
I daresay there are people who think I have a small mind too. xxx
I wonder if you ignore him whether all the fun wil go out of it for him and he will find someone/something else to amuse him. It is really horrible to have this kind of neighbour (We have one in England who emails us to say that our garden is looking like the Brazilian Rain Forest and depressing her, even though we pay someone to tidy it every fortnight!!) . I did have to laugh though at the solicitor addressing the letter to his own client - what a lethal combination, a NN with a bungling solicitor. I hope they both go away!
Dear Monique - it takes all sorts. I'd love a Brazilian Rain Forest - complete with parrots of course - next door to my house. Your English neighbour should count herself lucky and put out some bird-feeders as your lush garden must attract lots of wonderful wild birds and butterflies.
I feel completely different today after all these lovely posts. You're all such fab people to care. xxx
Yes, I totally agree, ignore the letter completely.
My son had a nightmare few years with the neighbour from hell - police, councillors, MPs, lawyers involved and at the end of the day, he was no further forward. He eventually had to move out and the house is now on the market!
If your neighbour's 'so-called solictor' can't even address the letter correctly or make sure the body of it is understandable why should you pay it the slightest attention. You have carried out the correct procedures and have planning permission - forget all about i and concentrate on the completion your nice new kitchen!!
Thanks so much for your very sensible advice. Having a new kitchen should be something to look forward to and enjoy isn't it.
There are some terrible stories of neighbours. I can't imagine your your son coped with police, councillors, MPs, and lawyers. What a nightmare. No wonder he put the house on the market. Hope I can avoid that.
You've all made me feel so much better. It's good to have a laugh about problems. I must admit I was tempted to get out a red pen to correct the solicitor's letter. Apparently he's a senior partner - and he's illiterate!
Thanks for your message. It really cheered me up when I was feeling low. I did have a lovely time at the birthday party and forgot about the problems with the kitchen. My daughter made a 2-tier Disney castle cake complete with 8 turrets. The twins are being taken to Disneyland Paris for their birthday and were bubbling over with excitement.
Even the kitchen looked better when I got home this evening. Electrics are going in tomorrow and by next week the floor and walls will be finished so there will be less dust and mess.
I ought to be delighted to have an excuse to leave the dusting for a week.
So glad you had a break from the dust and the unfortunate hassle re your horrible neighbour ..
He sounds as if he shouts first and then thinks about it ..silly man .... Do you have good neighbours the other side of you ?? Do hope so ...
We took our daughter and son to Disneyland Paris when they were younger ..Don't know who was more excited them or me ... Keep us up dated on the works progress xx
Dear Jan, the neighbours are brilliant the other side - and most of the others in the 94-house terraced avenue are also stars. You're absolutely right about shouting first and thinking afterwards but it's a very difficult thing for some people to climb down after an altercation. He's rather old-fashioned; doesn't like dealing with women, doesn't like change, dare I say added to this - a Welsh-speaker .... and I'm English. Say no more.
My grand-daughters were on cloud 9 about the trip to Disneyland. A lot of people at their party had been there - or to similar parks in the US. Everyone was very excited about it.
The kitchen is a lot better today. I see an end to the noise, dust and cold. The underfloor central heating was put in place this morning so the floor, and then the plastering will follow. Today I hid upstairs. Tomorrow, I think, we'll see the way forward.
How I wish I could invite you all to my kitchen party. You've all been so kind.
When the old glass warehouse (former chappel) down my street was bought for redevelopment the chap who bought it put a note through all our doors apologising for any nuisance during the refurb and then another inviting us all to come and view the result. A note to your neighbours explaining the need for the work and setting a date to view the results (donations to chosen charity) might go some way to settling the moaners! Some people seem to consider any work a personal afront! I have an aquaintance like that! Miserable SOB! LOL!
My neighbour was originally perfectly supportive of the extension as I have explained in the past that we'll be working on the 'bungalow downstairs' idea.
I gave him the architect's first plan. The brief had been to design something that looked good from the neighbour's side but he didn't like it and sketched an alternative idea, returning the copy with his comments and amendments. The architect rolled his eyes but redrew the plans making the changes my neighbour asked for where they impacted on his view of our extension.
Currently it looks pretty ghastly from his aspect because the wall is made of bare breeze blocks. The solicitor said they would sue for trespass if my builders step over the boundary to render and paint the wall and put up hardwood fascia boards. It would be funny if I didn't know my neighbour is now genuinely upset and angry but given it's bricks and mortar I can't do anything to put it right until he gives us the go-ahead to finish off the wall. Oh the folly of man's pride!
I'm definitely up for a kitchen party once this is all finished - and will invite all the neighbours in with the idea of raising money for a good cause and easing neighbourly tensions.
btw - you're ALL invited to the party! xxxxx Annie
So sorry to hear about your awful nieghbours but isnt it exciting to get a new kitchen. My planning has been submitted and work hopes to start next week. At the moment i am planning the design and to be honest dont have time to feel poorly thanks to this project. I no doubt sill regret that comment when the building work starts. Good luck and send in some pictures of the finished product xxx.
It's great you're having a new kitchen too - and like me you're doing the planning. I did see a couple of kitchen designers but the price was through the roof. I decided I could do it myself but it is very time-consuming and a bit scary. Luckily we have brilliant builders and the company owner is a carpenter who's done a lot of work for us in the past.
I decided cupboards are only for storing the food I cook so I've opted for good appliances and have compromised on the cupboards. They're cheap as chips but my builder says that the quality of the cupboard is in the carpentry and in putting them together. It means we can splash out a bit on the work surfaces - we found them to be hideously expensive. In fact we couldn't quite believe how much people are prepared to spend on their kitchens.
Our first plan was done on a A3 sheet of squared paper with Post-it Stickers to represent the cupboards and appliances. We had to change the original plan because my neighbour wanted the wall further away from his boundary giving us a smaller kitchen. We waited until the extension was in place and last weekend laid out batons and Velux-Window Cardboard Boxes, and marked the walls to visualise how it will look. We think we've come go a good compromise and I'm about to take the irreversible step of ordering the appliances. We found a good website - ApplianceWorld.com where the appliances seem to be a good price. A couple of manufacturers now have demonstration kitchens where you can try before you buy.
I'm astonished by the choice. I agree with you There's an awful lot to think about - I'm really glad that it's a distraction for you and makes you feel better. We're two lucky ladies.
I am sooo jealous that you are having a new kitchen. We were just going to replace ours after me waiting 6 years to have enough money when I got diagnosed with cancer and stopped work for a while. So all the kitchen money was used to pay bills etc.
That was two years ago and even though I am now working again (I'm a childminder) I can't take on any more children as my treatment is ongoing and two have now left me to go to high school so money still an issue.
I really feel for you with a pain in the butt neighbour. Luckily my neighbours are lovely but my sister has the neighbour from hell as even if she sneezes in his direction she gets a letter from him regarding spreading germs! They fell out over a wall which he wanted to demolish between their gardens but she said it was grade 11 listed so he couldn't. He was just going to do it but she involved the planning department who stopped him.
Have fun at your granddaughters party. It must be lovely having twins in the family.
Oh I'm really sorry your kitchen plans had to be put off having saved for years to get it done. Money is a bit of an issue. I've stopped work altogether and worry now about the burden on my husband. We were like you and had some money put aside to improve the foundations of the house. Ours, like your sister's, is listed and has many original features - including earth foundations to the rear. The kitchen was an add-on when we were told by the builder that if we took out the cupboards to renovate the foundations it would be impossible to put them back.
Interestingly the dispute with my neighbour is over 2 m of a boundary wall. Ours are original but were constructed of rocks brought back as ballast when the steam ships taking coal to Calcutta returned to Cardiff. They're pretty hideous and unlike the house are not listed. Our architect suggested taking down 2 metres of the boundary wall and putting up a sympathetic cladding to integrate the extension with the remainder of the wall. My neighbour wanted to keep the wall in tact so we just reduced the size of the extension and built within our own property. As I understand from the building inspector it was not a wise choice for my neighbour as it will prevent him extending his property should he wish to do so.
I just can't get my head round anyone coming to blows over 2 m of decrepit stone walling. Hey ho. Now we've fallen out over the garden wall I'll await the letters of complaint about sneezing!!!
Your sister has a sympathiser here in Cardiff. I hope one day you get your new kitchen.
I do think your neighbour is stupid..when our previous neighbours had their extension they stayed on their side... but we would have preferred them to have built on the boundary for the same reason as your solicitor said.. but we weren't consulted or informed about their extension...so it was too late.....if we had an extension now there would be a silly gap between the semi with a drain inbetween that they wouldn't be able to get to..my husband used to say it was their problem..but they have long since moved on..people don't think do they?...I think at the time it was cheaper to do that instead of redirecting the drain..at one time there was a dead rat that was stuck in the drain and the new owners couldn't get at it..( it stunk) we had to take the fence down... but don't know what they would have done if we had an extension all for the sake of a foot (crazy) now if we ever had an extension we couldn't build on the boundary either so we would have a two foot gap daft you ask me...but you can't choose your neighbours can you? ( unless you bought the street)
Sorry to hear all about your hassle. Your neighbour seems to have totally forgotten why you are doing this. Is the solicitors letter genuine? or something someone has just cobbled together? Sounds very suspicious.
Many years ago I had the neighbour from hell who was always plaguing the local authorities over something or rather- even reported me for running an illegal cattery!!! The poor environmental health officer had to come round ( legally bound, he said, as they had to act on the complaint) and duly inspected the box of kittens my cat had just had!! That was the least of the complaints so I have every sympathy with you but I hope this may have made you smile!
Love
Anne xx
PS I had a new kitchen last year - it was a morale booster.
Dear Anne - your message is so full of joy and fun. I did laugh at the idea of you running an illegal cattery and having to be inspected. ha ha the inspector must've been so embarrassed!
I did have a bit of fun with my neighbours over a similar incident. There was a lovely eccentric old dear who lived opposite and used to like a drop or two. One day my terrier escaped from the garden in pursuit of a little bitch which was on heat and was passing by the garden gate.
Little Sam did his duty in full view of the entire neighbourhood - and then something very strange happened. He got stuck. We couldn't prize them apart. Even the window cleaner tried by pouring a bucket of cold water over them. Poor Sam and little Moddie looked very sorry for themselves and somehow Sam turned round to make a run for it but was still stuck in what looked like a very painful grip. They made a strange sight. A 6' terrier with a head at both ends.
The neighbour who owned the little bitch was very sweet and didn't ever charge me alimony for the 3 pups issuing from the incident. The other neighbour - the eccentric one opposite sashayed over in a bit of a gin-blur to suggest I keep my new dog mating enterprise within the house. We had a huge laugh about it and another drop of gin.
I love this site. It's so interesting and amusing reading everyone's thoughts and bringing back my own funny memories to cheer up a cold wet day.
I fear my neighbour is small-minded and myopic and that whatever wisdom he does possess has been tinged by rather an unfortunate set of personality traits. Can you believe he teaches an HNC in the built environment in one of the universities in Swansea!
What makes it so bad is that he's been the creator of his own misery. We've never had a warm and easy relationship with him as he's so irascible. Elsewhere we have wonderful neighbours who are also close friends. I fear to do anything in the way of holding out an olive branch because he'll probably take it that we're being superior and supercilious. The poor man turns on his heel and scurries off in another direction when we see him on the street. In a terrace you just can't afford to carry on like that.
Your view of the idiocy of building an extension adjacent to a shared boundary wall is quite correct. Our Building Controller took the view that it serves the neighbour right. I don't share that view. Decisions taken now will have an effect on later generations who will suffer for them as you have done. I suppose there are two solutions to the problem of adding an extension to your property - either for the neighbour to sell you a foot of garden, or agree to build an extension which attaches to their roof and build a new adjoining wall in a mutually agreed position. Both solutions aren't as simple as asking the neighbour beforehand and agreeing where the boundary should have been.
Ah rat problems ....we had that too. A cheeky fat rat decided to move in with us last year. Not content with eating the cat's food it ate through the washing machine outlet pipe, all the appliance cabling, used the fridge evaporator as a bathing pool, chewed through the fan in the oven, and stank to high heaven. That is a smell I shall never forget. The Council's Rodent Control weren't too effective so we employed a professional rat catcher. He was 6'6" tall and turned up with a baseball bat and a gun. If I'd been the rat I'd have given myself up. The rat was cornered and shot in the back of the oven housing. The damage to our kitchen was extensive and unfortunately not covered by our household insurance. Another reason we came to the decision to have a new kitchen.
I think your tale of two dogs is so hilarious...you could have charged for the show haha and it is so funny with your tipsy neighbour haha we had a tipsy neighbour at one time...we could all write a book about the neighbours I think...and what about your rat? They say where there is one rat there are ten you can't see...one night in the middle of the night an elderly neighbour rang to ask us if we would go and listen to the noise she had...so Tony and I got dressed went to her house crept in she said "oh you don't need to be quiet it's a very loud noise" well the scratching was really loud and Tony whispered to me that she had a family of rats in her cavity wall ..he didn't want to frighten her...the next day the rat man came (not from the council) it was a weekend so she had to have a private company... Tony went down to watch the rat catcher and tony said it was worth him watching he showed Tony how to find them and they had eaten through a concrete sewer (because workmen were digging the road to make a roundabout) they had disturbed the rats and they migrated up to near where we live what a nightmare fortunately this lady lived a bit further away from us ...she bought Tony a cake every year for his birthday after that for years.... but she sadly died last year at 94 so last birthday was the first time for years he didn't get a card or cake off her...one time she rang me to say she had a tramp sitting on her wall...it turned out to be our next door neighbour...he was an actor and he must have gone out in his acting clothes...haha...funny neighbour stories are never ending
What is really strange is hearing all these stories from different perspectives. My tipsy neighbour could have been like Anne-2s and have reported me to the Environmental Health Officer, the RSPCA or whatever - but she just came over and had a good belly laugh.
People do get exercised about very silly things. There are two people in our road who are neurotic about parking their cars outside their houses - to the extent they'll look out of the window until they see someone pulling off and will run out and move their car. Other naughty people then delight in parking outside those people's house just to wind them up.
Now I've started to worry about what things I might be neurotic about .... I'd better go and ask my neighbour! xxxx lol
When Tony's elderly aunt died and we were clearing her house we found hundreds of bits of paper with all the cars that had parked outside her house i.e. car types/reg numbers/ how long they stayed/ time/ date e.t.c.( now that is worrying) a complete log of people's comings and goings LOL not only that she kept every car park ticket from years back as well...l we were so shocked...
she fed everyone cats because she thought they weren't being fed...she had two cupboards (you know the ones set beside the fireplace in a large victorian house) full of tins of cat food a lot of them out of date,but not even the hedgehog charity would take them... he stopped counting them when he got to about two hundred..that was just the tins... she had boxes of dried food as well and bags of cat litter but didn't have a cat Doh! she kept a log of all the different makes I.e. too soft/ too hard/ not enough gravy/ not enough meat e.t.c. Aaaagh she wrote off to the companies complaining about this....you think you have a problem you got some catching up to do....LOL xx
I laughed so much at this Gwyn. We'll have to start another blog about batty aunts. Some people do get a bit eccentric in their old age - but all that cat food and car park tickets. ho ho I'm still laughing at the image of those cupboards full of cat's stuff when she didn't have a cat! Did the house have a faint tinge of cat about it too?
My Mum's elderly aunt had a disgusting smelling poodle called Bozie. I used to hate going round to the house because the smell made me want to wretch. Batty Auntie Nellie was very nice though. She used to give us Steak Pie in a tin which we were never allowed at home. aaahhh perhaps it was cat food!!!! xxx
Haha... no it didn't have a smell.... but she was a very feisty lady...and very intelligent but when she got older a more narrowed down version of herself ....she stopped her district nurses coming but when they did come she would correct their notes.... cross out what she thought wasn't correct...,she had a lot of apologetic (grovelling) letters of her bank and evidence of being sent flowers from them haha...she couldn't change the channels on her tv because she feared that she wouldn't get them back so had two telly's about eighteen inches apart both blaring on different programmes so she could watch the one she liked...but kept them on all the time night and day afraid to turn them off (in case she lost the picture) some things were funny some things were sad she must have been a nightmare neighbour though...she got a speeding ticket when she was eighty two...and they sent a warrant for her arrest... but by that time she was in a home... but they had to go to the home to make sure she was in there (this is in Plymouth) she went down hill after receiving a barage of letters from the courts with no family and us living away... she worried about it too much.. by then she was unable to speak (sad really) the people in the home loved her (even then without speaking she was a character) and they were very good to her. xx
I thought the remark (white) was referring to the comment I made to Linda that I have white hair.... as I have had white hair for years... well apart from the times I haven't had any.. LOL.. which is now becoming a habit haha xx
Never mind! The solicitors will be sure to leave you enough cash for a stamp to send them their cheque.
We had a bat crisis this morning with our conservatory build. Anyway, the local bat-woman has given the builders the go-ahead but want us to install a mitigating bat-box.
I learnt more about bats this morning than in the previuos 60 years.
Dear Christine - I'm so mean when I replied to the solicitor's letter I cycled into town and took it in person to save on postage. Lucky for us it is the neighbour who's paying the legal costs and not us.
So you're also in a building fix - bats and not rats. I've never heard of a mitigating bat-box. Does this mean you have to host the animal in your conservatory? What sort of bat is it? If it's something that needs special attention you might contact your local bat club and they'll come and lie on your conservatory floor all night in the dark in the hope the bat will fly out. Believe me - I lived in Llandrindod Wells for 18 years and there was an enthusiastic bat (or batty) club there.
How is the building work getting on? Is it all in control?
Reminds me of a joke- three vicars met on a regular basis to discuss their parishes. At one meeting they all discovered they had bats in their church towers ( or belfries). At the next the first vicar confessed he had got an air gun and shot almost 50% of them.
When they next got together the second vicar confessed he had called in Rentokill and almost three quarters of them seemed to have gone.
The next meeting the first two vicars asked the third how were his bats and were staggered to hear they had all gone. How on earth did you do that that, they enquired.It was easy he replied - the bishop had called and he went up the tower, baptised and confirmed them and they never been seen since!
Very old Cof E joke first heard in the pub at Walsingham.
I love that joke!! Brilliant. I was just thinking we had some fab jokes on here a while back but I can't remember who posted them. Gwyn was talking about publishing a book. A joke book would be fab because we're allowed to be as non-PC as we like.
Is there a shrine at Bexhill? My husband's always joking I could do with a trip to Lourds. Bexhill would be nearer - and a good pub to boot! It sounds like the Canterbury Tales - this blog is rather like that too! xxxxx
Don't worry I haven't actually been to Lourds. I keep going over to France to see my friends there and it's a running joke that I'd be better off going to Lourds. Martin has a very irreverent sense of humour and makes me laugh big time. xxx
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The solicitor said they would sue for trespass if my builders step over the boundary to render and paint the wall and put up hardwood fascia boards. It would be funny if I didn't know my neighbour is now genuinely upset and angry but given it's bricks and mortar I can't do anything to put it right until he gives us the go-ahead to finish off the wall. Oh the folly of man's pride! 
A huge thank you for the love and support you gave me this weekend. This week is hard for other reasons. 
Hospital is my new home!
CA125 rising, will be out of trial and on chemo!!!
