What is it they say about bad pennies?

Hello again, everyone; just like the proverbial bad penny, I am back, and I really ought to begin this post with an apology for my 'fraidy-cat' behaviour when I was first a member of this group, under the name 'neophyte'.

I had, then, recently been diagnosed as suffering from CKD and was having an awful time of coming to terms with it, despite all the positive responses you were kind enough to give my maiden post. I tried to pretend it wasn't happening - at least not to ME - and ran away.

Fortunately, I managed to remain in contact with another member here and he has been my rock over the last three months, so much so that I have now taken the Hep B jabs offered to me and, on Monday, had a fistula created for haemodyalisis. My GFR is now at 15 and I imagine I will soon be starting on the unit.

I realise my actions were irrational and childish but they didn't seem so at the time; a friend counselled me about the five stages of grief, something I had always considered nonsense; how quickly this disease changes minds, eh?

I would love to be an active member of this group now my head is in the right place, rather than buried in the sand; I won't run away again - will you give me another chance? I couldn't be 'neophyte' again and 'boomerang', which seemed appropriate, was already taken.

I often think, on occasions like this, of Robert Frost, when he said: 'Home is the place, where, when you have to go there, they have to take you in'. Please try to find a little room for me.


5 Replies

  • Welcome to the party... again.

    Anything we can do to help, just ask. Seriously have a look at APD and CAPD as alternatives to Haemodyalisis.


    Peace, Timbles

  • Hello Timbles and thank you for your words of welcome. Unfortunately (perhaps) I have had too many holes made in my tummy to go down the APD path, which is probably just as well as our house is so tiny and we don't have room for all the impedimenta!

    I did cover APD and CAPD with the renal unit manager and the surgeon but they said it was a no-no; haemo, here I come! They showed me around the unit here in Nottingham and I have met some great folks - I'll more than likely be getting to know some of them a lot better soon.

    Thanks again, take care, keep well and God bless.


  • I know exactly where you are coming from here and I am still trying to come to terms with the fact that my beloved husband of many many years is now on haemodyalisis following a course of chemotherapy that was supposed to preserve the kidney function he had left. I am permanently angry and have lost my equilibrium entirely. They say this is a stage in the grief process but I am stuck in it. I hope that you move through very soon. The people we have met at the dialysis unit have been great.

  • Thank you for your reply, Florence. It's good to know others have had similar problems and I suppose that is what this site is all about really; we are all in the same boat and our families are affected by CKD as well as ourselves, which is another thing it isn't easy to come to terms with.

    I was as to hear that the attempt to maintain your husband's kidney function was unsuccessful, but then again, it might have been; if we don't help the doctors and such by trying they will find it hard to make progress.

    I can, and still do, from time to time think 'why me' but it isn't productive and doesn't make you feel better. Have you visited Garry's excellent Renal Buddies site? He is an inspiration to all of us and you couldn't do better than get in touch with him. As to the grieving process itself, you will work through it, as surely as night follows day; I hope and pray that you will be able to pass through it quickly. Your husband needs you - all of you - and you can't afford to not be there for him, and I know you don't want to be parted from him in any way.

    My thoughts and prayers are with youth both, Florence. May God bless you and may you allow Him to smile upon you.

    With all good wishes,


  • Welcome back opsimath, I am sure all the other members here will join me in saying welcome back and its good to see you here. No one can judge you by the way you acted, we all react to this sort of news in a different way, and I am sure you are not the only one who tried to deny this was happening to you. being diagnosed with CKD is a life changing blow that can hit hard. I am glad you are feeling a bit better about the news now, as always my prayers are with you and your wonderful family.

    Take care.

You may also like...