Annoyed with positivity: Before I rant I just want to... - NCT

NCT

43,835 members15,031 posts

Annoyed with positivity

Mantaray75
Mantaray75

Before I rant I just want to say that of course I'm grateful that I'm pregnant. I haven't put myself through 5 years of hell for nothing.

However, I'm getting increasingly annoyed with people telling me to be excited. This is never from people who have been through the struggle of infertility.

I read on some forums that people have bought all their baby stuff after the 12 week scan. I'm coming up to 21 weeks and it still seems too early. I literally haven't bought any baby stuff as I feel I may jinx it.

I still haven't felt any movements yet and can easily cover my bump so maybe I will feel different soon enough.

Am I the one being weird?

15 Replies
Hidden
Hidden

No I don’t think you are weird. It’s been a long & difficult journey to get there & I really don’t think people understand unless they’ve been through it themselves. That’s easy for them to say when their baby’s come along so easily 🤦🏽‍♀️ it will be a stressful pregnancy because of what you’ve gone through to get there.

I’m struggling with it- i want to be happy & excited I’m 12 weeks now & should be over the moon but find myself worrying- the spotting hasn’t helped even tho everyone says not to worry & it’ll be fine! 🙈You are not the only one! If that is any comfort.

When you chose to buy items for your baby is a very personal decision for you. Personally if all goes well on my scan I will buy maybe a teddy bear or something to celebrate the milestone - but I wouldn’t buy big items such as cots until I’m7/8 months- I feel like you that might jinx it & im quite superstitious!

Hope you get to feel the baby move soon & that gives you some reassurance. xozo

Mantaray75
Mantaray75 in reply to Hidden

Wow can’t believe ur 12 weeks. That’s amazing.

I had spotting until I stopped the pessaries but not sure if ur on them. My scan also showed a subchorionic haemorrhage but that had also gone by the last scan. X

Hidden
Hidden

Your not weird at all. Literally the whole pregnancy I was worried that I would jinx it especially when we bought things and I was just a nervous wreck.

My hubby still goes on that I was a nightmare and I know I was and it drove me mad too. I did actually buy tons of stuff by about 24 weeks due to offers etc but still everytime I bought it I would feel crap for a few days because I was scared I would have to return them. My aunt also couldn’t understand why I didn’t want a baby shower. I could just never believe we would actually get our baby in our arms.

It’s such a shame infertility makes pregnancy not as enjoyable as it should be xx

I felt the same. It wasn't til about 30-32 weeks that I felt safe to get excited. I just woke up one day and felt...Yes we can do this. So just go with how you feel and don't let others pressure you my dear. By the same token though, try to enjoy the little moments while you can. I bet when you feel little one move you'll feel better xx

No you are not being weird. You do what you need to and purchase when you want.... like Jess says no one really understands the anxiety until they have been through it themselves. So dont worry about it.

Purchase wise.... i'll be 11 weeks tomorrow and when i look at the black friday sales there is a package i like pram carry cot pushchair etc that is on for a really good price... i dont know what to do.... im not superstitious or anything, im just praying for the best.

All the best in the remainder of your pregnancy and congrats on getting this far. You are half way there hun, that can only be a good thing xx 😘🤗

Not at all we got to 12/13w before we mc, now I’m 5w again I feel Ill have to get past 20w before I can maybe start to relax. You don’t need to buy anything until your ready.

I’m so glad you wrote this post, like yourself after nearly 6 years ttc and 2 mmc I’m so grateful to be 16 weeks pregnant but agree with everything you’ve said.

I’ve told people at the moment I have no intention (although have said hopefully it may change as I get further along) of buying anything before baby’s here and so many people tell me I need to ‘be positive and believe this is happening’. I don’t think people understand the anxiety that goes along with pregnancy after so much heartache - you’re definitely not weird to me! Xx

i don't think ivf mama's ever fully relax, then the baby comes and it's a whole different kind of worry!! So, you are totally normal!! I did feel better and more relaxed when i felt baby kicking regularly though and had a big bump. Couldn't ignore it then! We also didn't buy anything till I was about 6 months pregnant (which also coincided with black Friday and Christmas sales!) i don't think being in the health profession helps the anxiety, we always think the worst! Xxx

You are right about the health professional thing. Working in a hospice we are all hypochondriacs as we see worse case scenario all the time!

No your not. I was exactly the same I bought a couple of things after 20 week scan but people kept saying to me you need to start buying more but I just ordered everything online after I was 32 weeks.

Afterwards I suffered a bit of post baby blues and I felt awful because I loved her so much and wanted a baby for over 5 years and when I finally had the courage to talk to a family member who knew we had gone through ivf they said to me well you wanted a baby which just made me feel worse.

I don't think anyone knows what to say in these situations and people that haven't been through ivf do start doing everything so early I think whereas we air on the side of caution xxx

Nope, with my son (natural) I didn’t have a care in the world.

This time (mc) I wouldn’t believe it was real, I did a zillion tests and constantly felt on edge. When you’ve wanted something for so long, you tend to just expect the worst - worrying that anything you do could scupper it all.

So, if someone said to me ‘are you excited?’ My thoughts would be, ‘I’m terrified, each and every single day’ because up until my 7 week scan that is how I felt. I also felt hopeful, because i had got that far.

Xx

Oh not at all. People without fertility problems with never understand what it means to go through IVF and other treatments. I am still resentful to my cousin who broke her news to family when she was 8 weeks. I'm still refusing to wear my baby on board badge at 11 weeks even if that mean I have no seats on train. Don't want to jinx it at all!

Having said that though, one of my friends had her baby 2 months early and she was a little unprepared when it all happened givnen she didn't buy anything yet. She still managed in the end. Everything will work out in the end. It's normal for people to feel more excited around you, just take things at your own pace x

Thanks lovelies. You've made me feel much better and less mental!

x

It's definitely a different experience being pregnant after treatment and just falling pregnant easily. I think for those of us who have experienced infertility the fear never goes away. I enjoyed my pregnancy after I'd had my 12 week scan but I suppose I never truly relaxed intl it until I held my baby in my arms. Even when I was pushing at the last min, I was still terrified.

You're definitely not alone. But I'd say just try and relax a little. This is your time. You don't have to enjoy it just because everyone is telling you to. Once you feel your baby move and when you get used to your little companion, maybe you will start to! And as for buying baby stuff, you will know in your heart when you are ready to!

Wish in g you all the best!

I felt like this a bit. I found it frustrating that I couldn’t moan about the very hard bits of pregnancy when I had nausea to 23 weeks- all because it was so hard to get pregnant l.

You may also like...