Advice please:)

So I have been pregnant for about 14 and a half weeks now, my life has totally changed but not for the best. My confidence and self-esteem has rapidly gone down hill, i dont go out because im scared of people judging me (i live in a small town where everyone basically knows your business) of looking "fat" for the ones who dont know im pregnant, my friends dont hang out with me as much anymore as they are always going out and when i do join them, i find them very irritating drunks (probably because im sober) and my boyfriend always goes out too so i find myself crying because i feel like iv lost the life i once had, the people i loved and a huge chunk of my personality. ( im 19 btw ) I always find myself blaming this child which i do want to keep but i also hate the journey and i cant seem to make peace with it. Im always crying..

please help.

Thank you❤️

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19 Replies

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  • I know how you maybe feeling. Saturday evening we had a wedding reception and because I'm only 6 weeks pregnant we aren't telling people, so I was the sober sensible driver. - and was telling our friends I decided to drive because I feel under the weather. - but once they all started drinking and getting a bit worse for wear I could feel myself getting more and more left out. (Not sure if it was just in my head). My boyfriend hasn't still come round to the idea of that he's going to be a dad, and this was the first time he's drank properly since finding out about the pregnancy so I'm not sure if this was a blow out for him.

    But we just have to remember we are carrying little life's, and we are to protect them with everything, and once our little ones are born or even now, they will mean the absolute world to us - and wouldn't change anything. So look onto the future, and while they are spending money on drinks, think about the money you could spend on cute little outfits for either you or the little bundle. (My way of thinking)

    Sorry this probably doesn't help, but you aren't alone.

    Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy :-)

  • Thank you im glad your in the same boat! I totally will try and count my blessings more than thinking my glass is always half empty and think of it just as being half full☺️ xx

  • Your post made me feel sad. Could you maybe look for local groups for pregnant ladies and ladies with newborns. We had a local one but fortunately I had friends who were pregnant at the same time as me. Maybe you would be able to meet people in the same boat and things in common.

  • Aw sorry i didnt mean to make you feel sad! Thats a really good idea ill look into that! Thank you xoxo

  • Honestly, You seem like you are not ready to have child yet. Children are wonderful but they are great responsibility and your life does change when you have them, especially after they are born.

    I think you need to have a good think about why you want to keep this child, and if you're ready to make those changes. The baby is not to blame as it had no say is being conceived.

    Talk to your boyfriend/friends/family.

    Unless you go for abortion/ adoption this child will change your life forever. I might sound harsh but once this baby is here your life will change even more and if you resent this child it won't feel for the better

  • I want to keep the child, the minute i found out i had no doubt in my mind i wanted to keep it but i always seem to cry all the time, i would never abort, iv been to the scans and i love him/ her to pieces already, im just trying to find a way to cope with these feelings a little bit better but thank you xox

  • I don't think judgemental comments like yours are helpful! Pregnancy can be overwhelming but they does not mean a woman is not ready to have a child! It's very normal for a woman to feel ambivalent and anxious about the future, and judgemental comments like yours are just uncalled for..

    Who are you to suggest she should have a termination or put her baby up for adoption? She is only 19 years old as well.

    I would keep your opinions to yourself. You aren't qualified to advise on such emotive topics.

  • Not judgemental at all just realistic. It's called options not putting a gun to her head.. It's her choice. Some people appreciate an honest reply you don't... It's a life changing decision it be taken with eyes open. Being 19 makes it even more important not less as it will have a bigger impact not less.

    I'm not suggesting anything tho I mentioned all the options.

    Feeling uncertain and worried is normal, blaming/resenting your baby that you can't get drunk is a bit worrying...

  • I hear you, but you're not social services. I work in this field.

  • I'm don't work in social services but I do work in healthcare where I see children growing up with major issues. Having a child is great and all but they need to be the first and foremost thought. I planned my first at age 30. I thought I knew what to expect but it was still a shock when she got here. Most def THE life changing event.

  • Thank you x

  • I'm sorry to hear you are struggling lovely. I remember hating being the sober one! I didn't find anything funny and I just felt tired and fed up! You need to chat to your family and boyfriend about how you feel so they can be understanding and adapt accordingly. Get the 'what to expect when you are expecting' book. It explains in there that it's normal to get feelings of doubt, regret and worry. It's just really important that you talk about it and don't bottle it up. Mention your feelings to your midwife too. It's amazing how much they can make you feel better. It's normal to get those feelings when baby comes as well. Both me and my partner admitted (a few months later) we had "shit what have we done' thoughts at the beginning when we were in shock and a little daunted by a screaming newborn! It's the most amazing thing in the world and I couldn't imagine a life without my daughter now but it definitely changes your life completely and the better prepared you are, the easier it will be to deal with.

    Good luck! X

  • Thank you so much xo

  • Please see your GP asap. You may have prenatal depression :(

  • I will and i have thought of it x

  • Being a parent is the hardest job in the world yet it is undoubtedly the most rewarding. Just my opinion. Sending you hugs and positive thoughts for a healthy pregnancy and an amazing birth of your beautiful baby. Enjoy all the cuddles n kisses. Love n blessings xxx

  • I had this feeling too and I was 32 when I got pregnant! I have been through my 20s so I do feel like I have had a chance to enjoy not being responsible. But that's just my path and yours will be different (as is everybody's).

    Being pregnant can be overwhelming. Having a baby is overwhelming. I have definitely had that 'what the @#&£ have I done?!' feeling on plenty of occasions.

    That said crying all the time is obviously not fun to do. Can you focus on things you do find fun (and can do) and do more of it? And see if there are people around who will be sympathetic. You can't change your friends or boyfriends behaviour or feelings, but you can do what's right for you.

    I do work for social services and the best advice I reckon is to get support from lots of areas. If you end up not needing it, great. But making contact with people and places who can help, and being familiar with them before you need it, could be a game changer.

    Look up your local sure start center as they will often offer loads of helpful things from courses, to groups, and drop ins. Sometimes they do a young mums group which is good if you don't want to hang out with a lot, erm, older ladies... 19 yr old me would not have liked to hang out with 34 yr old me!

    All the best.

  • Your hormones will be everywhere Hun. I was still at uni when I found out I was pregnant, so all my friends where going out every night and I was sat in on my own. My partner lived in my home town so I only got to see him on weekends, which wasn't right often as he was trying to work as much as possible so we could get as much money saved up before she arrived. I felt like everything was falling apart and had moment where I resented been pregnant. Your hormones calm down eventually, and you should start feeling better. It's important that you talk to people especially your partner or you'll end up pushing him away. Learn to love your bump ❤️ Your not a bad person for having doubts Hun! Or over thinking things. Especially with you been 19 your having to grow up before your friends but imagain how jelouse there all going to be in a few months when you have a beautiful little baby in your arms xxx

  • Thank you so much for your kind words and you are right, iv calmed down now and im learning to embrace and love my little bump.. im now 19 and a half weeks and im so excited to find out whether its a boy or a girl.. i speak to my partner regularly which helps and also to my friends.. i thought i was a horrible mother for thinking that but im glad that its not just me that had those kind of thoughts at the beginning.. thank you again 💕

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