interfering old women!

Sorry this is a rant! What is it about babies that turns perfectly nice people into the most frustrating person on the

planet! My OHs gran has been the most fantastic help throughout pregnancy and in some ways since. In fact we couldn't have managed at some points without her, but biting my tongue is becoming very very hard!

My OH had said even before we went to hosp for labour 'do not let her know there can be 2 birth partners or she'll be trying to come in' as she was most likely going to be the person taking us. We didn't really have a choice as she'd moved next door, but in fairness was helpful and we weren't seeing anymore of her than normal so I wasn't to worried. I mean she stayed til was all over in the waiting room, took OH home and that's when started!

He was fuming when got to hosp following day but didn't say why, shook it off and spent the day getting to know his son. I was then asked if wanted to be moved onto ward as was supposed to stay another night and I asked if could go home. after some time the doctor said ok. OH rang his gran as she'd been insistent she was picking us up, he'd forgotten the car seat but his (her husband but they live separately) granda had a spare key it was just by the door to pick up. 3 hours later no sign. He rang again and they were sat in ours waiting to be told when to come. Have to say he is very calm ordinarily so was a surprise to me to see him so mad. Turned out in the morn she'd been bossing him about, telling him what to do hence why he'd forgotten the seat. Finally they arrived, and had the scariest journey home ever. Turns out she can barely see to drive in the dark and trust it to be a wet and windy night. Anyway got home hadn't had anything to eat so OHs aunty ran him out to get some food as she'd brought us up a nappy bin, and I could see they'd been in 'tidying' and when I saw the amount of gifts had already I'd made a comment about my OH as he'd been determined not to let John be spoilt, never thought anything of it until I'd picked John up when he'd cried and she'd made a nasty comment about that being spoiling. Thought it was out of character, we're all tired, so ignored. Since then though has been constant snide comments or advice.

My OHs mum has been good at keeping her in check, but she works away and so lately been left to deal with alone. So this the list - we only contact her when we want something (I've only had chance to invite her once) If we don't ask her she sulks. We don't let her see him - because one day (just one) our buzzer broke and so we didn't hear it, she didn't think to phone! She should have been allowed to be second birth partner - I would have punched her, I know I would, and I'm not a violent person in any way. We don't use the clothes she gave us. we've been given so many I wouldn't know who gave us what but turned out was because we weren't using a snow suit (which would have been to big anyway) that she hadn't bought just thought she did. The latest is what are we getting him for xmas, she wants to buy a travel system when we already have one! Told her not to and that's us pushing away, and every time she sees him. Its always 'oh he has a sore belly, he has colic' 'when are you going to start feeding him food' he's 10 weeks old for goodness sake. And he doesn't like her. I don't know why, but he just doesn't. So mean but after her comments over Christmas and again about feeding him yest was so tempted to tell her that and then she'd really be in the huff. Anyways just wanted a moan, shes going to super sulk when knows we are going away for xmas after all x

11 Replies

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  • Lol she sounds like a treat :-) it's a shame that she has started to act like this after being so nice and helpful before. Babies really do bring out the oddness in people!! As for being your second birth partner, I laughed when I read that! As if!! No-one has the right to expect that anyway....and it's your body and such a personal thing, why would she expect to be there??? I hope it calms down soon for you. I'm afraid I'd be telling herif she isn't happy then maybe she should back away and let us get on with it then as John comes first xx

  • The day after she did mention that we should have said she was second birth partner and I did say was never gonna happen! She's very involved with her other great grand child, but no way is she over taking with John x

  • What a nightmare! Why do people feel the need to poke their noses where it's not wanted!!

    In her day, babies were weaned at 12 weeks, things have changed a hell of a lot! My nanna asked a similar question when Hugo was a couple of months old!!!

    There is nothing worse than feeling angry or frustrated with family. So hard to sort it out cos confronting them will just offend or per them off!! Oh the joys!! Xx

  • Lol yes anyone who had a baby before the year 2000 will be turning to feed lo done kind if mashed food! I was livid with my dad when I caught him with mashed potato on his finger about to feed Reuben at 6 weeks!!!!

  • Is a shame because she is a generally nice person, but now know that living next door keeping an eye on what we are doing to. Wouldn't mind if didn't keep on about it. She's hinting at baby sitting, but my OHs said don't let her as he's worried she'll try and feed him! And just realised put 10 weeks when meant 9, she's even confusing me over age now, that's how frustrating it is, grr! Insisting hes older than he is. I d xon't mind offending her and if that's what it takes that's what I'll do, but its the reaction my OH will get from rest of his family that'll bother me

  • My nan was a pain in the arse with my mum when she had us but with me she's changed completely...she's always asking how hes doing and commenting on what a good job I'm doing. Maybe it's because she's old, maybe it's coz she's already got a few great grandchildren so she can't be bothered to they and take over lol. I'm quite lucky I don't have too much to contend with from family xx

  • My gran the same with me. First great grandchild though, but in fairness I'm oldest grandchild and favourite. I could murder someone and she'd say they asked for it. Yet my mum and uncle and aunty still can't do right parenting wise and most of us in our 20s x

  • oh, such a hard one, as you don't want to blow! maybe at a time when it isn't fraught you get your OH to either say something to her, or get his mum to say something, so that it isn't done in anger. But you're right, you need to bring up this baby as you want it, so shrug off any unwelcome advice.

    So much harder with in-laws as well. I had to laugh at her thinking that she would be a birthing partner!!!! No way!

  • My OH won't say anything, but his mum would so might have a word with her. Apparently she'd been one of her granddaughters partners. Well that was up to them, she's not my gran and besides was a time for me and OH, didn't want anyone else there. And if we decide to do again will be the same. Why is it so hard for them to differentiate between help and interference!!! x

  • I don't know if they can differentiate between the two - 'the older generation' seem to get more and more stubborn!

  • Wow the thought of anyone else but hubby at birth fills me with dread im not generally an aggressive person but I think if anyone bar the midwife had tried to give me advice while in that much pain I wouldn't v been responsible for my actions hehe u definitely made the right choice ur baby ur labour ur choice think u need to get someone to tell her shes being ridiculous n just to be happy being a gran n let u b mum x

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