"Squawks"

[hairbrain4]

I was searching for a file on my computer and came across this and thought you might like it. I have 2 brothers-in-law that are Colonels in the Air Force and they both thought these were funny and not too far from the truth. Royce, you might relate to some of these.

"Squawks" are problem listings that pilots generally leave for maintenance crews to fix before the next flight. Here are some squawks submitted by US Air Force pilots and the replies from the maintenance crews.

(P)=PROBLEM (S)=SOLUTION

(P) Left inside main tire almost needs replacement

(S) Almost replaced left inside main tire

(P) Test flight OK, except autoland very rough

(S) Autoland not installed on this aircraft

(P) #2 Propeller seeping prop fluid

(S) #2 Propeller seepage normal - #1 #3 and #4 propellers

lack normal seepage

(P) Something loose in cockpit

(S) Something tightened in cockpit

(P) Evidence of leak on right main landing gear

(S) Evidence removed

(P) DME volume unbelievably loud

(S) Volume set to more believable level

(P) Dead bugs on windshield

(S) Live bugs on order

(P) Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent

(S) Cannot reproduce problem on ground

(P) IFF inoperative

(S) IFF always inoperative in OFF mode

(IFF-Identification Friend or Foe)

(P) Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick

(S) That's what they're there for

(P) Number three engine missing

(S) Engine found on right wing after brief search

(P) Aircraft handles funny

(S) Aircraft warned to straighten up, "fly right" and be serious!

[rjoneslaw]

there is a lot going on with that plane

[greaterexp]

Don't you love this? Ha!

[2littletime]

Funny...hahahahaha

[carolek572 CommunityAmbassador]

Oldies but goodies, hairbrain4 I could read them again and again because they always make me LOL!

[twooldcrows]

how do they actually know what they are looking for ???? hahhahahah

[jimeka]

Thank you for the laugh 😂

[leking1]

I love these! Thank you!

[Kitsey]

They’re very funny. Thanks

[falalalala]

🤣🤣🤣

[Tazmanian]

🤣🤗😂

[CrazyCatWom]

I've seen this before and ROTFLed!

When I worked for a camera store, I used to run the repairs department. A customer brought in a really good and expensive camera, because the focusing screen had something on it that he tried to clean off. As I was listening to thecustormer talkto the clerk, I was writing down things on theinvoice that we would have to order to repair his camera. And when the customer told the clerk the LAST thing he did . . . . I scratched everything out and wrote BER OE on the invoice and handed it to the clerk.

BER OE means /beyond Economical Repair Operator Erro Because the customer had BOILED the camera, but was more concerned that he'd left the batteries in!!

[hairbrain4]

Some people make you wonder how they ever got out of bed that day!